Mentally on the floor - another chemical

[EnglishRain]

Wow I hate the term chemical so much! Why does it feel so invalidating?

I have fertility issues. I’ve had numerous losses and have one child and I know I am so, so privileged to have her. My marriage broke down and I thought that was it and I would not not even be able to try again. Except I met somebody new, and it was on the table again. My fertility issues make things an issue anyway, plus we are both stress heads which doesn’t help.

I got the shock of my life getting a positive test last week. Usually the lines fade pretty fast and it’s over within 48 hours, but the lines got darker and things kept going for a few days. Until this morning, when the spotting started, and I can feel the cramps building. I know where this ends. I am devastated. I feel like such a failure. I feel like I should be better at handling this now, having been here so many times before and already being lucky enough to have one child..?

I don’t even know what I want from typing this. Trying to pass the time because I feel like such a wreck and don’t know what to do wfh myself I think. I feel very wallowy - like a complete failure who can’t do the one thing a woman should be able to do. And I know that’s irrational, and I would never say it to somebody else, and yet here I am saying it to myself.

I feel so ridiculous to be in pieces like this, but I am.

Oh OP I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Did you test the morning again before the spotting? I had really bad cramping and spotting when I was about 6 weeks. Cramping lasted 2-3 days but I spotted till 10.5 weeks. I was able to get a scan when it started due to previous miscarriage which showed a healthy foetus and the source of the blood was never found. The best answer I got was that my uterus is tilted back so implant blood just took longer to find its way out. After that my pregnancy was straight forward and I am currently looking at DS napping on the monitor.

I understand that you feel like a failure and I did too after my miscarriage. I felt like my body had failed us because this is what it is supposed to do. But you need to remind yourself you are not a failure and there is nothing you could have done different. Right now you are grieving and you need to give yourself the time and grace to grieve.