Desperate for any advice/support please

[HtheH]

Noone seemed to want to reply to my last conversation, I am new to this and feel in total limbo. Last year I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks, started bleeding doctor sent me to EPU, had a scan and it showed miscarriage well and truly underway. It was horrific and sad, but my husband and I got through it and continued ttc, exactly a year to the day of last year's miscarriage I find out I am pregnant again. We were elated, but obviously nervous. I paid for some early scans for my peace of mind and things were all developing well until 9 weeks 2 days when I went for scan and they couldn't see a heartbeat, I was diagnosed with an inevitable miscarriage and was sent home to wait for it to happen naturally. That was on Monday and it is now Friday and nothing has happened. I still feel pregnant, my boobs are still big and hurt, still have nausea and tiredness e.t.c. No cramping or bleeding. I am very confused, has this happened to anyone else? How long might I have to wait? Could it be misdiagnosed? I am so sad and finding it hard to accept/move on as I still feel pregnant and nothing is happening. It is so hard to think about anything else and go on with life as normal , is there anything I can do? To add to this my closest friend is at the same stage I was and seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth since I got the news on Monday, feeling very let down and just very very sad. My husband and I have been ttc for nearly 2 years now, it has been such a tough couple of years. Any advice/hugs would be very welcomed!

oh you poor poor girl. I had a missed mc at my 12wk scan earlier in the yr. My body had been hanging on to it for 5 wks. Have you thought about having an erpc, physically it means everythng is over much quicker. Mentally you have to take one day at a time. Mumsnet is a great forum for this sort of support just talk away there will always be someone here to chat to you.

Hi,I had problems ttc in between my 2 DD's, as I was 40 yrs+ I was worried I wouldnt be able to conceive.

With my 1st DD I bled at 9 weeks,and had a scan at 10 weeks,luckily I got the all clear.

A year after I conceived again,and at the 12 week scan Only the sac had grown,not the "baby",I have always had severe sickness and this continued,along with the breasts being enlarged etc.

I was advised to have an ERPC,as I had "held on"to the pregnancy for this long,it may take a while for it to happen naturally.I had the ERPC.

When I did then fall pg again exactly when the previous one would have been due,I wanted an Early scan,as I didnt want all that again at 12 weeks when you feel so Pg,they booked me in for it when I was 10 weeks!

But they said in alot of cases its difficult to detect a heartbeat much before then.....I wasnt happy as others have scans at 6 weeks.

Not wanting to give you false hope,but to be sure I'd have another scan,and then decide what you are going to do,after the result of that.((((Hugs))))

HtheH

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and this dilemma.

I have had 7 m/c's and they have all been different. I have had three D&C's. 3 others passed naturally at home. This is a slightly longer process and quite painful. The 7th I decided to do naturally. Beanie hung on for 5 weeks. Then only part of products passed. They tried a medically managed m/c (tablets). That did not work.... So, the answer to the question is that it can take a long while for all products to start moving and for it to be over.
This may sound horrid but I found that sex got things moving.....

))))))))))))))))HUGS((((((((((((((((((

Thank you for all your support. I am so sorry to hear all your stories, but it is good to know I am not alone out there. I am waiting for my doctor to give me a call to talk things through with her. I just want to get this over with, the idea of holding on for another 5 weeks is terrifying. Is it really much worse for your body to have a D&C? And would they check properly that the baby is non viable before they did the procedure? Also does anyone know if a D&C may be covered on health insurance?

I also had a missed miscarriage and I am really very sorry that you are going through this.

I opted for erpc (new name for D&C) adn it was absolutely fine.

Did they give you any indication of measurements, etc? For example, I knew that the foetus only measured 8 weeks but I was almost 12. This may give some indication of how 'missed' it is, and how to proceed.

Make sure you impress on your doctor how much you need absolute confirmation before undergoing any procedure.

Check your insurance for day surgery details. Mines does as far as I am aware, but I hadn't held it long enough to qualify last time.

The ultrasound report said it measured 8 weeks 4 days or something, the doctor said that it was lucky I hadn't had the scan a couple of days earlier as she would have sent me on my way saying everything was looking great. That is why I am concerned, it really wasn't that far behind what it should have been and I have heard of people not seeing heartbeats until later. It is all very strange and I am sure it is just wishful thinking, but I am so confused. I am looking forward to speaking to my doctor later and asking lots of questions. I had some blood tests earlier on in the pregancy and my hcg levels were doubling every three days, at 6 weeks they were at 50,000; but haven't had any tests since then and she hasn't mentioned them. I just hate this waiting game...

hi HtheH
i am sorry to hear what you are going through ,it is such a hard thing to go through. the question you said no one seems to wanna answer ,is that the one reguarding the d&c and how it is on your body ? if so i have had 9 m/c and had 8 d&c's ,i ask the doctor everytime am i doin the right thing as is this causing wear and tear on my body not helping with future attempts.and each time am told it causes no damage to your body,it just repairs itself.my last one i tried the natural way and never again would i do that it is just better to go get it over and done with so you can start concentrate on the huge emotional rollercoaster ride you have ahead of you.
as for waiting 5 wks are they made putting you through that destress ! why cant they give you a blood test today then another one in 2 days to measure your levels if it is a viable pregnancy then it would have jumped up in its thousands.this is usually the road i have to take.
sorry this is so long,i hope i may have helped you in some small way.
and also this friend of yours is probably feeling a bit worried that you will resent her ,if you need her why dont you just txt her to let her no how you are feelin and that you really need her at this moment ,if only by a text aday to show she is thinking of you.
take care x

I am really sorry to hear what you are going through. Just want to send you hugs-I found out at my 12 week scan (about 2.5 wks ago) that our baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks and 5 days, but I had no signs that this had happened. I had an ERPC the next day as I felt that I was not going to be able to cope with nature taking its course and the unpredictability, particularly as nothing had happened in that 3 week gap. I am absolutley confident that this was the right thing for me and my husband to do, as the physical process was fine-emotionally it was hard (and still is), but I think letting nature take its course would have been more difficult for me.

Hope yoru doctor is helpful. Don't be afraid to ask questions...

thinking of you

Cx

Thank you everyone for all your advice and support, I am going to wait it out over the bank holiday and then reassess on Tuesday.

Hi, really sorry to hear about your mc. I have been in a similar situation to you.
About 10+ yrs ago I had 2 mc, both dealt with by D+C as there was no choice at that time.
Last year I started bleeding and a scan showed I was going to miscarry, my hormone levels still showed I was pregnant even though I was starting to bleed quite heavily. I opted to miscarry the baby naturally and bled for quite a few weeks but felt emotionally it was much the better way of dealing with it (only my opinion and can completely understand that others prefer a d+c).
When I found out I was pregnant this year we paid for an early scan, unfortunately it showed the baby had died at around 7wks. I again opted for a natural miscarriage, I still felt pregnant and have to admit that my tummy was growing.
This week I had the mc naturally, I feel that everything may have cleared more completely this time and I will not bleed for so long (a scan on Tuesday will prove either way). In my case it was quite painful - like labour pains and when you lose the baby it can be quite 'messy' but this only lasts for a few hours (I had 3 lots of 2hrs where it was bad in a 24hr period) and then it is just like a normal period. Risk of infection for D+C and natural miscarriage are the same, you have more of a chance of retained products with a natural mc but not much. With the D+C you go under a general and they do go in blind with instruments so there is a small risk of damage.
I can agree that sex may help the mc start to happen and I had reflexology to try and get things moving, not sure if it worked but it did help me emotionally.
As for your friend, it may be difficult for her particularly if she is preganant, we have not told one of our friends because I know she found it hard to talk to us about it last year and she's pregnant this year.
Whichever way you choose hope everything works out for you in the end.
Lots of hugs