Terrified of having a second miscarriage

[spartarose]

Hi all,

I'm currently going through a miscarriage (6 weeks) and am really heartbroken. I'm 33y/o and have been given mixed verdicts from GPs about whether I have PCOS (seems to be borderline), so I was really really excited when I found out we might be expecting our first. I've been trying to distract myself, but work is really stressful right now and when I try to relax (e.g. doing crafts, gardening etc.) I'm sometimes just breaking into tears.

Once my cycle 'resets', I'm hoping we'll be able to try again -- this could take a while as I have irregular periods anyway, which adds to the stress. I'm really terrified that, even if we get lucky again, I'll have a second miscarriage. I know that the odds are still in our favour in another pregnancy, but I'm panicking that maybe my body can't support a pregnancy.

Have been trying to communicate this with a GP since we started trying, but the waits are so long and the GP I was working with before recently left the practice and I have to start from scratch again. I imagine the next step will be a fertility clinic, but have been told it's a 1-2 year wait from here :(

Just feeling quite low and lost. I've moved to a different area and have no support network near me, besides my partner (and my cat). Is anyone able to provide reassurance about trying again? I feel hopeless :(

X

I didn’t want to read and run - I’m sorry for you loss xx

we are all different but my experience was MC, baby, MC, baby, MC, MC, MC, baby

rest up and give yourself time x

I'm so sorry for your loss. Can I ask why you're looking at a fertility clinic, how long did it take you to conceive the baby you lost? I'm not sure what it's like in your area but for me having a pregnancy (even if it ends in miscarriage) resets the clock on being able to get fertility assistance on the NHS.

After one loss you have no increased risk of having another miscarriage. TTC and pregnancy after loss is stressful, but I always tried to keep the statistics in mind. I'm a scientific/data girl and so I found it helped. The majority of women who have 1 miscarriage go on to have a healthy baby x

Hi lovely, so sorry to hear of your news and sending hugs as I know how hard it can be. And wanted to say that for most people miscarriages aren’t something you can control or do anything to change so it’s not on you at all, it’s just a quirk of fate. And in most cases due to chromosomal abnormalities which means your body protected your baby by not letting them be born to a life of suffering and pain.

As the pp said, stats are on your side. I’ve just had my 2nd MMC unfortunately but in my group of 6 friends - 4 had 1 MC and then a healthy baby, one had first baby then MC then second baby. And I’m the only one with 2 recurrent losses. So I’m the 1 in 6, and my chances of having a successful 3rd pregnancy is still higher than the chance of having a 3rd MC!

I don’t have anything obvious wrong with me to cause this and had the EPU consultant say that 2 MCs is still in the realm of just bad luck, that’s why the NHS often waits for 3 recurrent MC to send you to a specialist. So I don’t let it stress or worry me just yet as that is just an awful way to live - for something that isn’t our fault.

With a baby and a child there’ll always be something you that makes you anxious (don’t feel the right movements, growth is less or more, things can go wrong at birth, and then they’re born and every niggle and worry has you expecting the worst). So there’s no point in worrying about things when you have the least amount of control. Trust that you are resilient enough to survive the pain and keep going.

Keep reminding yourself that miscarriages are more common than we realise - people just don’t talk about it or always report it, and movies romanticise pregnancy and live birth as something that happens easily. More women end up eventually having successful pregnancies than not - it’s just some women have a more challenging journey to get there. But you will get there!