How to cope with pregnancy after loss

[TheBusyLemonAnt]

All I’ve ever wanted in life was to be a mother. I was so excited when my husband and I finally decided we were both ready and wanted to start trying. We fell pregnant on our first try and we were over the moon. We ended up having a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks. It’s now 2 months later and yesterday and today i tested and have the faintest line. My husband and were so excited but this afternoon I can’t help but feel really low, anxious and upset. Everything that I looked forward to has now been tarnished as I worry miscarriage will happen again. I know they say that it’s unlikely that it will happen again but a lot of research that I’ve done and personal experiences others have told me, a lot have multiple (my Mum had 2 before she had me). I don’t see how I can go forward being happy and excited. I am also a neonatal intensive care nurse so I experience a lot of situations thst are not the best with babies which I know doesn’t help the situation.

If anyone has been through something simular or have any advice.

For reference, I am nearly 28 years old. I have no medical history of concern. I eat a balanced and healthy diet with the occasional unhealthy snack/meal. I do a lot of walking and on my feet a lot.

I'm sorry for your loss, and a tentative congratulations on your current pregnancy. I've had 4 missed miscarriages now (2 most likely due to my chromosome abnormalities that got diagnosed last year, 2 just unlucky) and I'm pregnant for the 5th time now. I have no excitement at all and every time I feel anything I suppress it because it feels too risky to get my hopes up.

Statistically your most likely outcome from this pregnancy is a successful live birth - it can help to try and keep that in mind. Your risk is not increased by having one loss.

My recommendation would be to keep busy - keep living life, do things you enjoy etc. As much as you can to keep that brain busy and give it less time to worry about things! The other thing that brings me some solace is knowing I can't control the outcome. It would suck to have another miscarriage and I really don't want to go through it, but worrying won't stop it happening. So I guess I'm trying a "neutral" approach (in part almost pretending it's not happening). I've known for nearly 2 weeks and not told a soul which is different to my previous pregnancies where I confided in a few people.

Also worth remembering that your hormones are going a bit wild right now - all the emotions will be coming out so give yourself time to breathe whenever you feel anything coming on. It's definitely not easy being pregnant after loss, that's for sure, but there's tons of support from ladies in similar situations on here x

I became pregnant 4 months after a miscarriage at 11 weeks.
And it is mixed emotions. Happy I was pregnant and anxious about what ifs. I didn’t tell anyone I was pregnant until later in the pregnancy.

I wish I had enjoyed that pregnancy more than I did. Im not sure if your midwife/ GP can offer support. But could be worth asking.

I concieved three months after my missed miscarriage. For the first 20 weeks I was convinced it would end again. I only started to relax and enjoy the pregnancy from 20+ weeks onwards. It resulted in my son. I have since also had a third pregnancy, and I also spent the first 12-14 weeks convinced it would end in a miscarriage, however I am now holding my newborn baby. The odds that this pregnancy works out are good. Most of the people I talked to have had one miscarriage and then healthy pregnancies. I guess there will be people that have multiple but I think that is rarer than just one. Good luck and I hope it all goes well for you.

I am so sorry for your loss, I know you have the hopes and the dreams early on, and nothing can replace them, it is unutterably sad, and I know how anxious you must feel xxxx It is not the end of the road though, if it helps my first was stillborn, I cannot describe how awful. It is 29 years ago now and I still remember the hurt, time does heal but god knows how bad I felt. My second, a son, was 11lbs, my third, a daughter, a year after my second was 9lbs and I went on to have another daughter 5 years later, 10lbs and then finally another son, we lost his twin at 15 weeks, and we thought we had lost them both, but he clung on, born at 36 weeks with intervention and a lot of time in hospital while everyone rallied around at home looking after the others. I felt so bad and worried at times during every pregnancy, and had to make some tough decisions (amnio etc.) but you get through it just to have them. It is not unusual to feel anxious, given the situation, be kind on yourself xxx

In this boat two after three failed rounds of ivf and two MC I found out I’m pregnant on the weekend and I am already planning my approach to handling what I feel
is an inevitable miscarriage. It doesn’t help not having any real symptoms or those I had before I tested have now disappeared!

No advice from me OP just (tentative) congratulations and a big virtual hug!
I lost my last baby at nearly 10 weeks, so similar to you. For me I don’t think I could now ever be excited again until I pass that 10 week mark. I know that for a lot of people it’s once a heartbeat is detected, but once you’ve suffered a loss that bar gets pushed back until you pass that point. xxx

I’m 14 weeks with my 8th, after 7 losses.
I don’t know how to be excited about it. I hate when people tell me how happy they are for me. I hate when they congratulate me, and talk about all these changes I’ll go through, like it’s my first pregnancy.
I didn’t realise that that was what was bothering me until my friend pointed it out and that’s made a big difference, just acknowledging that it will hopefully be my first live birth but it’s not my first baby and I can be excited for this one while still not forgetting the others.