TTC after miscarriage surgery-feeling lost/unsure. TW miscarriage

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Hi all,

I don’t even know where to begin, really. I had a miscarriage recently, and it’s left me feeling completely shattered—physically, emotionally, mentally.

It wasn’t straightforward either. I started spotting in late April, and a scan that week showed the baby was measuring 6 weeks instead of 9, with no heartbeat. I waited another week for expectant management & the bleeding became heavier much heavier.

Then on 6th May, I woke up bleeding so heavily it was running down my legs, soaking through pads in under 30 minutes, and I passed clots the size of grapefruits. I ended up in A&E, was admitted for medical management—which failed—and finally had surgery on the 7th. The whole experience was traumatic and something I can’t seem to process yet.

I’ve got a 2-year-old daughter already who is the light of my life, but I can’t stop thinking about the baby we lost. Maybe I was naive thinking I wouldn't be the 1/4 as my pregnancy with my daughter was so straightforward. Now I feel desperate to be pregnant again—not because I want to replace what I lost, but because I can’t bear this empty feeling. It took over a year to conceive last time, and the thought of going through all that again, with no guarantee, is overwhelming.

I’ve read that people are more fertile after a miscarriage and that some conceive before even getting their first period. I want to try again right away, but I’m also scared. I’m still spotting after the surgery, still emotionally raw, and still physically not quite myself. But I’m terrified of waiting and it not happening again.

Everyone seems to be announcing babies due in November—the month mine would have been due. It feels like a punch to the stomach every time.

I'm signed off work until next week and don't know how to get myself back to feeling normal again.

Has anyone else TTC right away after miscarriage surgery? Did it help or make things harder? Did anyone feel like this or am I being overly dramatic?

I’m not even sure what I’m asking… maybe I just needed to say it somewhere. Thanks if you’ve
read this far.

Hi OP. I'm very sorry. You're not being overly dramatic at all. What you've been through is horrific and very traumatic. I had an MMC in January. I was 9+5 but baby was only measuring seven weeks with no heartbeat. I had my D&C in February. I opted straight for surgery as it seemed like the most controlled option which is what I needed. I allowed myself one period which came four weeks later. I've been TTC since March and no success yet. I'm in my TWW on cycle three now.

I was nearly three months pregnant by the time of my surgery. I know everything you read says you're fertile immediately after but my luteal phase has been shorter since. I'm hoping it's going to lengthen a bit this month since I ovulated earlier. I think our bodies need a lot more time to recover than we think.

I too very much so want to be pregnant again. But I'm also trying not to be consumed by it. I also have a two year old DD so feel very lucky. If you feel ready to TTC again then go ahead. But from reading your post it doesn't sound like you are and I mean that in the nicest way possible. Have you tested negative since your surgery?x

Thank you so much for your kind reply—it really means a lot.

It sounds like you've been through a lot as well.

I tested today and got a very very faint positive so expect to test negative soon.

I think you’re probably right—I want to move forward but maybe I’m not quite ready yet in every way

I really hope this cycle is the one for you. Fingers crossed and sending lots of hope your way. Thank you again for taking the time to reply—it's comforting to hear from people who have had similar experiences x

You're very welcome. I found lots of support on Mumsnet. It really helped me. Thanks for your kind words. I really hope you feel better soon. It will ease over time x

Hi OP, so sorry for your loss. You’re not being overly dramatic, miscarriage is an awful thing to go through.

I had two within a year, the first I had surgical management but complications/tests needed after meant we had to wait a couple of months before we started trying again. I found that really hard because I felt like I was missing the “most fertile” time to get pregnant again. When I did fall pregnant again 5 months later, I had another loss which happened naturally. We did start trying again straight away after that but it took another 4 months for me to fall pregnant. I really struggled with it not happening quicker so I know how you feel.

Same as you I also found certain milestones like due dates or what would have been 12/20 week scans really difficult. Pregnancy announcements were really hard to see too. I think it’s all completely normal, it’s really hard not to feel sad when you see others with something you want so badly.

Only you can decide if you’re ready to start trying again, my only advice would be to go easy on yourself as much as you can x