I'm sorry you're in this tough position. I've had a similar experience, though not the same.
My dates were quite unclear, as I have irregular periods (PCOS) so had my 12 week scan when I thought I was probably 9, maybe 10 weeks pregnant. Not IVF.
At that scan, they said the embryo was measuring only 5 to 6 weeks. I knew that wasn't right, with my range of conception dates, so immediately was sure it was a miscarriage myself. I'd started experiencing spotting the day before. However, the sonographer wasn't sure - obviously at 5 weeks, the heartbeat isn't usually yet there. There was quite a bit of faffing about checking diagnostic criteria for embryo size and whether or not it should have a heartbeat. So I think there is some room for interpretation and your IVF sonographer probably didn't have the NHS manual / criteria to hand. Maybe an actual sonographer will read our posts and be able yo clarify!
My sister had much the same issue, and was told by the EPAU to come back for a scan the following week to see if her embryo had changed size. By that point, her body gad already figured things out, and the scan just confirmed the pregnancy was gone.
So it seems likely your follow on scan will settle things for sure. However, I think you're probably right to avoid trying to hope.
I'm sorry. The miscarriage society has lots of helpful support and a helpline if you need someone to talk to. The Tommy's midwife line may also be able to answer your questions.