Almost 7 months since MMC, miserable

[Bluetulips25]

Hello, just needing a space to have a sulk really as my poor DH must be tired although he and my family have been amazingly supportive. It’s nearly 7 months since my MMC and D&C to manage it. We got married in the July, caught pregnant with our first in the first month trying after coming off the pill, which we never expected to happen so quickly, and lost it at 7w6d, found out at 12w scan. Been ttc since having my first period after MMC to no avail. All I read online is women getting pregnant again just 2-3 months or less after miscarriage and I’m starting to feel desperate even though I know 6/7 months is nothing compared to some couples. I work in admin in a hospital and I see pregnant bellies and newborns all the time, everyday. It’s overwhelming. Wondering when it will be my turn, will I ever get pregnant again, will I ever get to be a mum. Secretly feeling bitter and jealous of pregnant women. I had two weeks off sick recently as I had a breakdown at work before a colleague’s baby shower, my baby was to be due just before hers. Feeling that should’ve been me too. Feeling a mixture of excitement and jealousy. Trying to keep my self busy with gardening, reading, exercise, playing games, focusing on my lovely dog and DH. I’m almost 33 and worry about my fertility. Did 16 years on the pill take its toll on my fertility.

Just needing a virtual hug from women in the same boat or who have been there. You can have the best support in the world and feel so alone at the same time. I’ve lost loved ones but I feel the loss of a baby, however short the gestation, is heart wrenching…

Hi, so sorry for your loss. I’ve been there, had three before having DS so I know how debilitating the sadness can be. I really recommend if you can getting in for some counselling. I had it after my third loss and was incredibly sceptical but it made a huge huge difference. I went to a counsellor who had pregnancy and baby loss as a specialism. I also recommend a podcast Worst Girl Gang Ever that helped me feel less alone.

I was lucky enough to have a very supportive, warm and well meaning husband and family but unless they have gone through it themselves they just don’t get it. That’s where counselling and the podcast really helped. The podcast also have a few Facebook groups for support that are brilliant too

Also with regards to your age, my consultant Professor Quenby reiterated to me that anything in your 30s is absolutely fine and not the “drop off at 35” that people believe to be true

I can relate to everything you said @Bluetulips25 I recently had my third loss, and it took me 9 months to conceive this last pregnancy & I was going crazy with it. I really struggled after my first one as a colleague at works baby was born the week mine was due, and she was a reminder of everything I didn’t have. I struggle with being around anyone pregnant & try and avoid them

@showmethegin i’m under professor quenby so that’s good to hear her view point on age, as im about to turn 34

I can sadly relate although it hasn't been as long for us. I caught first time on my DD and my MMC which we discovered in January. This is now cycle 3 trying since my D&C in February. I've also heard that you're more fertile in the three months afterwards but I don't think that's the case for many women. I think there's a lot of settling to happen. In relation to your age you're definitely not too old. A consultant interrupted me when I was discussing my age (34 going on 35 having DD) and said you are not geriatric. You're young and healthy, end of. Sending hope to all of us still trying!

Thank you ladies, your replies have been really comforting. I know of Prof Quenby, she and her team helped my friend have her baby girl last year after recurrent miscarriages. I will try to stay hopeful and trying to fill my life with lots of lovely hobbies, adventures and nice things. Hopeful I can conceive again someday and a healthy child of my own xx

Totally understand how you're feeling. My 4 pregnancies that ended in loss took 2.5 years, 6 months, 9 months and 6 months to conceive respectively. The jealousy of friends and family who conceive quickly and don't have losses is real. 33 is not old at all, so please be gentle on yourself. I hope you are doing ok xx