Late miscarriage

[mum2be005]

Not really sure what I’m looking for here

I sadly lost my longed for baby boy in the early hours of the morning.

Unfortunately I was alone at the time, had taken myself off for a bit of R&R and just some me time. I was 100 miles from home and no one around that I knew.

DP has been great but I know he’s grieving too and I he’s trying to hold it together for me.

The midwives asked if I wanted to see him and now the guilt is real that I got to hold him and see him but my DP didn’t.

I’m completely lost and just really struggling.

Has anyone else been there how did you get through it, does the pain ever leave?

I didn’t want to read and run, I’m so sorry to hear this, I’ve had multiple early miscarriages and it was devastating so can only imagine a late miscarriage, and having to handle it alone must have been incredibly difficult. I don’t have any real advice except to just feel all your feelings. Yes your husband is also grieving but you’ve gone through a mental and physical trauma. So allow yourself to ask for help and support. I think he’ll like to feel helpful in a situation where he feels helpless by being supportive to you. It’s a horrible time and you’ll need each other, you’ll also support him naturally so don’t overthink who’s emotions need the most safeguarding - just lean into how you’re both feeling in any given moment. So sorry again for your loss xxx

Hi OP. I had an MMC in January at nearly ten weeks. I can't imagine a later loss and without my partner there. As the pp said, feel your feelings. You've been through a massive trauma. I'm sure the hospital have offered bereavement counselling. Talk to your partner or anyone trusted to you. Take as much time off work as you need. I had a feeling days where I did absolutely nothing but they actually made me feel worse. A daily shower, clean clothes and a little walk every day really made a difference. I also found great support on here. Always here to chat x

So sorry you are going through this, I have experienced a late miscarriage at 22 weeks. It was 10 years ago.
yes it does get better, in a way it never does go away. I was so fortunate to get pregnant quite soon again ,my daughter is 9 and we wouldn’t have her if we hadn’t had our loss and she is a joy.

i chose to not hold my little one, I couldn’t face it at the time. I do sometimes feel guilty that I didn’t. My husband was with me and he didn’t either which was his choice too. People are different and some choose not to.
It’s such a trauma that I think whatever you do or have to do is ok to just get through it.

i did take 2 months off work, spoke to a counsellor and found SANDS to be supportive.

Be kind to yourself- you had no option and talk to your partner about your feelings

Thanks everyone. I don’t live with DP, we haven’t been together all that long and had said we would keep building the relationship as the pregnancy progresses.

Today was tough, DP went to work. He said he needed to keep some normality which I guess I understand. His work also weren’t aware of the pregnancy yet. All I really wanted was for him to stay with me and just hold me.

I didn’t sleep last night, when I closed my eyes all I could see was my baby boy, so tiny but perfect. I tried to do some bits around the house and take the dog to the park. I ended up sitting in the rain just crying and watching the world go by.

I’m just feeling so alone right now, family and friends are trying to be supportive but I don’t want them around me. I’m feeling so angry at DP leaving that I told him to stay away when in all reality I just want him here with me. We’ve spoken on and off tonight but I’ve mainly been the b*h from hell and lashing out.

I think I just needed to put it down in writing my thoughts. Will I ever get my baby boys face out my head enough to sleep? Why can’t my partner show some emotion, last night he was amazing but he didn’t shed one tear just held me as I cried. And now I’m thinking he just isn’t that bothered.

I know I’m being irrational but I can’t stop these feelings. I keep going back to him saying when I first told him that he wasn’t keen to be a dad again (he already has grown up kids) but I longed to be a mum. It was something I never thought would happen at my age but failed contraception and bad timing happens. Now I’m wondering if he’s just going through the motions of being there for me but is secretly glad that he’s gone. he had started to show some excitement though I’m just so confused

I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby. I’m sending higs to you.

Time helps and whilst you will never forget your baby, or how or how you feel now, it won’t always feel so raw. I say this not in any way to minimise but to remind you that there are good days ahead. Even when it doesn’t feel like it.

I think you should be kind to yourself right now and look after You. Staying in touch an ex is not going to help you emotionally or in time, help you to move forwards. It could just lead to heartache x

As a pp said, time will help. It will never go away but it will ease. In relation to your DP, I don't think they quite get it. They don't go through it physically or already have the attachment. From chatting to women on here it sounds like it hits some men later on. Just focus on yourself and your recovery for now. When you are starting to feel better you can discuss things with your partner then x