Recovering mentally after MMC

[lollypops2303]

I had a MMC at 11 weeks which will be 7 weeks ago tomorrow.

Physically, I feel absolutely fine. I had medical management for retained tissue and had a negative test after 3 weeks, I’ve had a period and I’ve found my peak using OPKs this week. I’ve also lost a bit of weight over the last few weeks as I’ve been focusing on my diet and exercise and I do have a higher BMI and I am fully aware this may have contributed to the MMC so bringing that down can only be positive.

Mentally however I feel like I am struggling, not every day but there are good few days each week where I am unable to sleep and I spend a significant portion of the day crying and the last couple of days have been particularly hard with Mother’s Day. The whole situation was particularly traumatic with a large amount of blood loss meaning I was admitted to the ward until I stabilised but received some questionable care while in which I intend to feedback to the hospital. I was discharged from the EPU with no support options given to me, they have acknowledged that I should have had this when I was discharged but I am still not in receipt of this information.

My partner, friends, family and even work colleagues have been so incredibly supportive but I am feeling like I am avoiding social interactions because when I’m there I feel so anxious and I’m finding it very tiring to be present and almost mask how low I am feeling at times and it makes me want to hide away which surely is not helpful. I think the best way to describe it would be feeling completely deflated like I am longing for the baby that was lost and to be pregnant again but I am equally terrified of going through anything similar again.

Getting an appointment with the GP is near impossible. I am being told to call each day and see if an appointment is available as there are no routine appointments available and I’ve almost given up on hearing from the EPU again after chasing many times.

if you’ve been in a similar situation, what have you found helped you? I am considering paying privately for some support but I am not sure what route would be best between like counselling/CBT/etc.

Hello @lollypops2303 I am so sorry you're going through this, sending you a giant hug- it is just so so hard.

I had my second MMC three weeks ago and it was devastating. I think my experience was probably easier than yours as I had surgical management, very little bleeding and good care from the NHS. Mentally I've been up and down, Mother's day was hard and I'm glad it's over with now. A few things have helped me:

Long walks and getting back into exercise- this is also improving my physical health.
Long conversations with sympathetic people- a lot of people don't get it and a lot of people don't know what to say, so I'm focussing on those who do and have the capacity to listen.
Spending time in nature and getting the garden sorted- have made huge progress with the weeding which is satisfying.
Changing my diet and cooking more with vegetables- doesn't sound like much, but I feel better for it.
Listening to podcasts- there is a great one called 'the worst girl gang ever'- you will almost certainly find an epsiode you can relate to there.

I have also had a consultation at a recurrent miscarriage clinic. They aren't cheap, but totally worth it in my view as they were sympathetic and able to answer a lot of questions. I have also gone for extra testing to see if there's something else behind it. They also recommended some supplements- 600mg Coq10, Omega 3 and high dose vitamin D3. Far more than I was taking before- it may do nothing, but it's worth a go.

Go easy on yourself, I've turned down a lot of social plans in favour of staying in and watching a good film which is what I needed at the time. Socialising can come later, there is no timeline on grief.

@Fletchasketchthank you for taking the time to respond, that’s really helpful. So sorry that you’re going through it too ♥️

@lollypops2303 and @Fletchasketch I’m so sorry to hear your experiences.
i had a MC just over a month ago now. I didn’t have the best experience at the hospital, but I didn’t need any medical management, which I guess was the only good bit in the whole of the traumatic experience.
I also really struggled with Mothers Day and also the fact that my sister is currently pregnant and we would have been very close in dates.
I have started counselling and am finding it very helpful, I also find looking over these forums helpful, in a way of some support and connection with others going through the same.
now it’s nicer weather getting out and about in the sun has also really been lovely.
Hope that helps 🙂

I don’t have any advice for you, but just wanted to know you are not alone.

I had my 4th miscarriage last week and had surgical management yesterday. My care was so cold and rushed and I felt like just another operation on the conveyer belt and discarded at the end.

I completely get how you feel. It’s very raw for me at the moment and although I’m not in a lot of physical pain, I am just numb with mental pain, don’t want to talk to anybody or leave my house. I’m sorry I don’t have anything good to say but just wanted you to know you’re not alone and I completely sympathise. Time is a healer and that’s all we can hope for, day at a time X

I'm so sorry to hear of your experiences and that you haven't had the best care.

I have found counselling hugely beneficial in the past, though not yet tried it for miscarriage. The hospital recommended a small charity called 'Seen' for free counselling, which I may try at some point.

Glad to have been able to share our experiences here, and sending lots of love and strength. It does get easier in time X

I am sorry for your loss.
I had a MMC with surgical intervention at 12 weeks over 20 years ago and to be honest some days it still affects me.
Some one once told me that you don't get over things you get around them and thats how I feel about my MC
I donate to a childrens hospice each year in the name of "baby Hopping" and they light a candle. I also had a tree planted in a National Forest for my baby.
I now have a 20 year old (got pg 1 week after my MMC which was a whole new level of trauma) and a 16 year old but I will never forget
Be very kind to yourself and don't set any timescales or anything like that, you will start to heal mentally when you do and thats that.

Thank you all for sharing ♥️
Today has been one of the better days and I’m taking the small win where I can with that.

@Isittime1984im glad the counselling has been helpful to you, I’m finding everyone’s experience on here really good too. It’s somewhat comforting to have others around on here in the club that none of us wished to be in as it can feel lonely in the real world with people who haven’t been through it but want to help. This nice weather the last couple of days makes everything feel a bit nicer around at least! Wishing you all the best x

@DearDarcyI also received awful care, I’m working through giving the EPU feedback which I doubt will do anything but I think some issues need addressing. Sending you so much love, I hope your physical recovery continues to go well and the mental pain becomes easier too x

@FletchasketchI hope it goes well if you give it a go. I am thinking this is the route I’m going to try too so I’m on the look out for options in my area x

@Hoppinggreenthat is such a lovely way to remember your baby. I think that’s it, there is no timescale and it will take as long as it takes to heal. I think returning to ‘normal’ life again has felt difficult, I was trying to rush at first and went back to work probably earlier than I should/etc. and it probably has all caught up with me which hasn’t been helping with the mental recovery x

I had a MMC 10 years ago. Had to have a D&C.

If you think it might help you, you can now apply for a certificate of baby loss to recognise your baby.

https://www.gov.uk/government/news/certificates-recognising-heartbreak-of-losing-a-baby-extended

@LostMySocksthanks for sharing this. I did get a baby loss certificate. I didn’t actually know about it was an option but my mum shared the information. She has 3x MCs - 1 in between my oldest siblings and 2 before me - I was reluctant to get the certificate at first as it made it feel a very real it was over but she told me that she wishes she had something to recognise the losses she went through x