I’m so, so sorry this happened to you. I went through the same thing about a month ago, but in my case the medical management failed so I had to have surgery. There had been a heartbeat at seven weeks. It really felt like I was irrationally sad because I knew it was a possibility and I know I may get pregnant again, but it also still felt like my world was ending.
It was my first pregnancy so I didn’t really have anything to distract me. Have you gone back to work yet? I felt physically fine after my surgery (lucky, I know) so I felt like a fraud for not going into work at first, but in retrospect I really needed some time off to grieve and to process what happened. The hormone changes felt horrendous and I was so sad I couldn’t even go into the supermarket without crying in the car for 15 minutes first.
What helped me was crying as much as I felt like, going for walks alone with my dog and talking about it. There’s a long thread on here called Missed Miscarriage which has so many similar stories in it, with people sharing how their recovery after it has gone. That thread answered a lot of questions I had, gave me suggestions for how to get through it, gave me hope I would get through that first awful bit and made me feel much less alone.
I also found telling people in real life (slowly, separately, when I felt up to it) really helped. Someone wise once told me that after something traumatic you should talk to people about it as putting it into words helps your brain process it, and listening to other people’s reactions (normally something like “how awful, I’m sad that terrible thing happened to you”) helps you to realise that your emotions are totally valid. It turns out I had friends who had gone through the same thing, but I didn’t know about it because of the weird silence that exists around miscarriage.
Sorry for the essay but just wanted to say you really aren’t alone 💛