Nice gesture for friend who has just had a miscarriage?

[skipdiddyskip]

A friend of mine had just miscarried a very wanted baby. I was thinking of getting her flowers or maybe some food of some sort? Do you think a little “thinking of you” gift is weird? She was open talking about it but obviously upset. I don’t want/ need it to lead to a conversation, I just wanted her to know we’re thinking of her.

You know her best but I hated it when people sent me flowers after my MC.
I thanked them but every time I looked at them I was reminded of why I had so many flowers and eventually I asked DH to throw them all away. I threw cards away rather than open them
A simple text or WA would have been better
But we are all different.

This is really helpful, thank you. I was worried that might be the case, that it might serve as a reminder. Do you think maybe arranging a nice evening out or something might be better? Arrange with dads to look after the kids and maybe go
out for some food, a stress free evening?

That's a lovely thought, I would have loved to have received flowers after my miscarriage; instead my friends pointed out I wasn't fun anymore and uninvited me to a hen weekend which was planned 🤣

We are not friends anymore 👍

I've had multiple miscarriage and I always appreciated a card and flowers. It was lovely to know people were thinking of me as so many were dismissive.

It’s awful when people don’t acknowledge it, I was grateful for flowers but have heard people say the same as @Hoppinggreen though.

Some sort of self care gift, like nice smellies would be thoughtful and as you say, just shows you’re think of her.

When a close family member lost their DD at term, she told me cried in the bath every day. I went to Lush and got her some bath bombs. When the poor assistant asked what I was looking for I ended up sobbing and she took me into the stock room for some privacy.

I was so grateful for her kindness I went back with some chocolates when I next saw her through the window.

Small kindnesses can mean so much.

I would say no to flowers/gifts as lovely as the thought is. The main thing is just making sure she knows you’re there for whatever it is she needs when she’s ready, sometimes this may be distance, sometimes this may be doing something with her to distract with no mention of the mc, other times it’ll be an ear for her to rant how unfair life is, let her guide you x

I've sent a condolence/thinking of you card to relatives/friends before. A small gesture to let them know I'm thinking of them.

You know your friend best. I'd hate to send flowers, someone that doesn't know the situation walks into their house and asks what the flowers are for? 😬

My friend got me a bracelet that read ‘keep fucking going’. I bloody love it and wore it until my rainbow baby came along. It is now hanging up in my bathroom window so I see it every morning when I brush my teeth.
Something small and personal can be lovely, but everyone reacts in v different ways. Only you know how your friend might take things.

I think just a text is too throwaway and casual for such a momentous loss.
Follow it up with a call, a card, letter, anything more that keeps contact open. Maybe take her round a meal that's ready to eat.

We're all different. I would probably find flowers, cards, letters, meals, bath stuff... just annoying. Something else to deal with.

I think the best way to know what a friend needs is thinking back to what they do when something bad happened to a friend. That's normally what they themselves would like.

I hated receiving flowers too - nothing worse than watching some beautiful die over a few days when you’ve gone through (or may still be going through) a loss
My boss - a man incidentally - would send me brownies or cakes through the post - several companies do them where they fit through the letterbox and actually that was probably the most thoughtful thing I received. He knew I’d just want to lie in bed and eat rubbish

I would’ve liked a spa voucher or take me out for lunch/dinner when I felt up to it, which is what my closest friend did after mine. Mil gave me a plant, I guess to give me something to keep alive 🫠

I received some beautiful flowers after my losses and I was very grateful for them.

Everyone is different so hopefully you know what kind of person your friend is in regards to this. But personally I really really appreciated things like that from my friends when I lost my unborn son. Flowers, a few little ornaments/keepsakes, one of my friends wrote me a lovely kind message in card. It showed me that people understood that my loss was important.

Everyone is different but I personally really appreciated any tokens I was sent. It's not the gift - it's the fact that you care and are acknowledging the loss. If in doubt, chocolates are usually a safe bet. The other thing is to follow up in a couple of weeks' time and ask how they're doing.