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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Feeling alone during miscarriage

10 replies

Jen157 · 20/03/2025 07:27

Hi everyone,

I’m sorry for the long post, but I really need to get this off my chest. Last week, I found out I had a missed miscarriage, and I had a D&C procedure yesterday morning. When my partner and I first received the news, he decided to go ahead with a pre-planned golf trip the very next day. He was away for five days, and during that time, he went out every evening, got extremely drunk, and even lost his phone.

I was left at home, completely devastated and unable to get out of bed the entire time he was gone. I felt so alone and heartbroken, and his absence only made things worse. When he finally returned, it was as if nothing had happened, and he showed up for my D&C appointment like everything was normal.

Since he’s been back, we’ve been arguing because I told him I needed him to be there for me during this incredibly difficult time. Last night, I completely broke down, and his response was, “I’m not dealing with these episodes you’re having. Go get yourself some help.”

To make matters worse, during my D&C yesterday, he claimed he felt “sick” and somehow made the entire day about himself. After the appointment, he came home and lay on the sofa while I ended up cooking lunch and dinner for him.

I feel like I’m going through this completely alone, and I’m not sure how much more I can handle emotionally. I wish I had a more understanding and supportive partner during this time. Has anyone else experienced something similar? I’m at a loss for what to do.

OP posts:
Star81 · 20/03/2025 07:31

I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this.

I think your partner has shown his true colours of who he really is and I’m not sure if I were you I could stay with him. He hasnt shown up for you when you needed him most and I would find this unforgivable.

MrsDutchie88 · 20/03/2025 07:34

Selfish bastard

Pumpkinspice13 · 20/03/2025 08:15

Sorry to hear you lost your baby. That is not something you should be dealing with alone. I would be seriously reconsidering the relationship.

Rollycat · 20/03/2025 08:40

I’m sorry for your loss. A missed miscarriage can be such a shock (have been there) and then having to wait and go through the D&C can be hard mentally and physically. It doesn’t sound as though he’s capable of being a partner. Focus on you, look after your self and do whatever brings you some comfort. You don’t need to do anything for him, eg making dinner. Hugs to you.

bk1981 · 20/03/2025 21:25

I'm so sorry your partner isn't supporting you at such a difficult time. Once you are fully recovered, I hope you have some RL support to help you make some choices about your relationship.

S0CKPUPPET · 20/03/2025 21:28

Star81 · 20/03/2025 07:31

I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this.

I think your partner has shown his true colours of who he really is and I’m not sure if I were you I could stay with him. He hasnt shown up for you when you needed him most and I would find this unforgivable.

This.

Hairsterical · 20/03/2025 21:41

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. He clearly doesn’t understand what you’re going through and the support you crave. On my first of three missed miscarriages, my partner left for a prebooked holiday for a week, about an hour after I got back from hospital for the D&C. I was all cool girl like it was OK. Later that weekend I was bleeding heavily and terrified on my own. That was around 20 years ago and we have two DC but I’ll never forgive him and know I can’t count on him to look after me.

Jennifershuffles · 20/03/2025 21:43

I had an early miscarriage (8 weeks) and my partner seemed a bit non plussed by it. I think he didn't know what to do, he hadn't got used to the idea of the pregnancy yet, the whole thing didn't seem real to him. I remember going out a couple of days later, he came along slightly reluctantly and was trying to deal with a work thing on his blackberry the whole time, no deep or meaningful chats as I had hoped.
I had two successful pregnancies subsequently and he is a great dad. I hope things work out for you. It's a very lonely time.

CSR721 · 20/03/2025 21:44

If he's like this towards you when you've lost a baby what would he be like when you're in labour? Recovering? When you're up 4 times a night exhausted? I would honestly rethink having children with this man.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

SureLook · 20/03/2025 21:57

Hi OP. I'm very sorry for your loss. I had an MMC in January as well as a D&C. My partner dropped everything and was there with me the entire time. As pp's have said I'm not sure I could get past this and would be seriously reconsidering the relationship. I really hope you have other good support around you x

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