At a lose & can't see a way forward TTC multiple misscarriages

[GLI2024]

Hi

A little back ground on my journey so far.
In the last year I have suffered two early misscarriages. First one hit me like a ton of bricks early in 2024 - I feel so stupid now looking back knowing how many people unfortunately go through this so often .. but luckily for all of my family and friends noone I know closely had ever suffered from this so to say i was niave was an understatement. I have been TTC for two years now.

Then just 5 short months later I was once again hospitalised this time with an suspected eptopic pregnancy..

It's now been 8 months since this & just cannot seem to conceive again... it's so frustrating as everyone around me seems to fall pregnant the first time trying .. yet after multiple loses and nearly 9 months later I am still not close to get pregnant. So many of my family have gone on to have two children now all the while I can't even keep one pregnancy.

I have a super healthy diet as recommended, take pre natal vitamins too.

I feel like after over 2 years of going through this now.. I'm losing who I am this is consuming my life. All my friends and family ask me constantly are you pregnant yet.. it will be you next which i have to hide and cry each time I'm asked. I've asked people not to ask me, I just don't think they can help themselves. They don't get it unless they have experienced it themselves.

I was almost 100% sure i was pregnant again this month, lots of new very reassuring early pregnancy symptoms but today AF has once again arrived.

I do have endometriosis (only mild though) so unsure if this is causing issues. Had private testing done all came back fine and good stats. I think i may have possible low progesterone. I am on the nhs wait list but have said this is a year so still 6 months to go yet.

I am starting to think maybe I'm just not meant to be a mum & maybe I've been made a auntie lots of time for this vary reason. I just have a horrible gut feeling ill never be able to hold a pregnancy.

I'm not sure what I want from this post to be honnest. Because if I'm totally honnest I feel like I have no hope left anymore and maybe it's time i moved away from all this & focus on other things in life as this may never happen for me xx

I am really similar. So sorry - I do think I know how you feel.

You really lose yourself in it all. Even things I try to cling onto about myself like being sociable I am losing because I can't bare to be around lots of mums at the same time. Each month things seem a little worse.

It's just so tough. I'm similar with no fam/friends having gone through it either. And was so naive.

I have tried to pick up new hobbies to feel ok and doing a few trips with other half. It distracts for a bit.

We've been dealt bad hands. I'm sure things work out in the end though - even though most of the time I don't fully feel it I do think it does.

Sorry for my rambling post with not much point xx

Unfortunately don't have any advice but you're definitely not alone. And also, you shouldn't feel stupid for being hit hard by your first one. Miscarriage is a horrible thing to go through, just because it happens frequently doesn't make it ok. I've had recurrent loss, been diagnosed with 2 chromosome abnormalities, but also found out the last 2 losses weren't even caused by my issues so they were just bad luck (the other 2 weeks will never know). It's horrible being stuck in limbo, not knowing or believing we will ever have a baby and watching all my family and friends grow their families.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Miscarriage is rubbish, and hard, and all too often misunderstood by those who luckily haven’t been through it.

I recognise what you say about feeling like I lost myself while TTC and through losses. Therapy helped me get back to myself as did group sessions with the miscarriage association.

Don't feel bad about prioritising yourself right now and advocating for any help you need. Good friends will understand. And focusing on other things that bring you joy can only help you navigate this. Wishing you all the best x

If you feel you need to move away from trying then do it or even have a break - but if you don't want then don't. Only do what you feel is best. I'm in a similar situation and I just feel as though it's never going to happen and stick so I completely understand how you feel. I like the idea of trying because it gives me motivation and something to focus on but I do feel as though sometimes it's more damage then help