Struggling after mc

[Newchapter23]

i had a miscarriage on New Year’s Day it is 9 weeks today. Some days I am doing ok and others I am really struggling my moods are very up and down some days I just cry not understanding fully why. I am struggling to lose weight i have been eating well going the gym and my body is stuck. I also haven’t had a period since my miscarriage which I don’t think is helping. I am struggling to get up in the morning I have zero motivation for work, the gym and walking my dog which is very unlike me. I just feel like I could book a holiday and never come back.

has anyone or is anyone feeling/going through the same? When I speak to my mum or husband or friends they just say it’s normal don’t be hard on myself and allow myself to grieve but I feel that I shouldn’t feel this bad I was only 6 weeks.

just looking for some reassurance that others are experiencing what I am.

thank you x

Sorry you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you’re doing really well with trying to look after yourself, eating well and going to the gym & dog walks. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself with these things. It’s ok if you don’t feel up to doing them too. And don’t downplay the grief too about it only being 6weeks, that was still your precious baby. I can definitely relate to some of the things you’ve mentioned. Wanting to book a holiday and run away from it all . The up and down moods. And the frustration of waiting for your period to return. I’m in this rubbish club with you 💐.

@Newchapter23 i could have posted this exact message yesterday! I am 3 months post MMC and although I think about it every day, some days I am fine and able to function. Yesterday was not one of those days - I woke up with an intense feeling that I had lost my baby and was devastated that it was taken from me. I spent most of the day either close to tears or in tears! Today I feel slightly better but still get an intense feeling of sadness whenever I am around anyone pregnant, especially if they would be the same number of weeks as I would have been. It’s so hard and so unfair.

I also don’t think it’s easy that you’re told that you’re more fertile in the first 3 months post MC. I put everything into trying to get pregnant again and when it didn’t happen, it made my feelings worse. Plus I think it’s horrific for you that it happened on NYD (not that there’s ever a good time for it).

I just want to reach out and say I know exactly how you feel. It doesn’t matter how many weeks pregnant you were, they were still you baby and you still imagined the rest of your life with them.

If the feelings of sadness are affecting you every day, I’d reach out to your GP or think about some counselling. I turned counselling down and really regret it now. X

I completely relate to this. I've just had my 3rd loss and this is exactly how I feel. I cried excessively when it first happened but now I'm kind of numb. I don't have motivation for anything at all and it scares me sometimes. I feel so distant from my partner too as he doesn't understand. I was only 5 weeks but it's the 3rd loss now and I'd stupidly got my hopes up as my test lines were nice and strong 😢 my first loss in 2023 was at 19 weeks and extremely traumatic, it also brings back all the memories of that so it's even harder. I just want my baby now but at the same time I feel like giving up 💔 sorry no advice but I'm honestly in the same boat right now

@Katewilliam91 Thank you I am trying my best but sometimes just getting out of bed is the biggest job! I am taking your advice on looking after myself and if I don’t feel up to it then don’t sometimes it’s so easy to think I need to be doing more. I’m sorry to hear that you are apart of the sh*test club going I wonder if they will take refunds for the membership! How are you doing? I’m still seriously considering of booking a holiday! If you want to talk please do it’s a safe zone here xx

@lemonandsugarpancakes It’s very refreshing to know I am not alone on how I am feeling when you get your good days you think that’s it I’m doing it I’m getting over this traumatic thing but then boom hits you all over again! Yeah I completely get those feelings.

How are you? Can I please ask how long have you been trying for? Was this your first pregnancy? (Please don’t feel like you need to answer these questions but I am here to talk to)

Yeah I must admit NYD was a crap time to have it but we were lucky to have a lovely Christmas in our pregnancy bubble!

Thank you for reaching out reading these messages after work has made me feel less alone. Please do message me or keep this thread going if you want to talk I’m here x

I am so sorry, OP. Have you had your thyroid levels checked? Just to check that your lack of energy isn't hypothyroidism (it is easily treated if so).

I had 2 miscarriages, one before each of my now adult children. It is hard.💐

@Pennyroses Oh god your 3rd loss? I am so sorry this is my first and I can’t even imagine how you are feeling. How are you doing? Do you feel like you have got more support from this being your 3rd?

The no motivation is such a real thing it’s like you feel half asleep all the time just slow and no go like a snail.

You’re allowed to get your hopes up you should feel excited when you see those lines. How’s home life? Have you got someone you can talk to? X

@RachelLikesTea i have said to my husband if I still haven’t had my period in a few weeks i will go the doctors and I will ask them if they could maybe do my bloods. Im sorry to hear you have been through this also. I feel it’s an experience you will take with you for life 😢

@Newchapter23 If anything I feel like I have less support! Obviously after the first one people understood and cared as it was a late loss. The last two have been early losses so I think people don't really understand how devastating they can be too. Like it's such a rollercoaster, getting that positive test and finally feeling happy and hopeful again to being devastated and so low and hopeless. It's an awful ride!! It's probably silly but I've kept my positive tests this time, I can't believe it still as the lines were so strong! 😢 I don't think I'll ever trust a positive test again!!
My partner has been ok but he doesn't really understand, he really wants a baby but I guess it's different for them, they're not dealing with it all physically! Do you have much support around you? It's nice we can all connect on here 😊 x

@Newchapter23 you’re definitely not alone! I’ve found this forum really helpful when I need to scroll and find someone who’s going through or been through the same things.

it was my first pregnancy - we got married last August, I am 40 and my husband is 43. We met each other late in life and both knew we wanted to try for kids. We got pregnant in our first month of trying which was a surprise for us both. We had a scan at 6 weeks which showed a heartbeat but sadly at our next scan at 10 weeks it showed the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks without a heartbeat. I still had all my pregnancy symptoms without any signs of miscarriage and still remember the lady doing the ultrasound telling me. I was alone for that scan. I still get flashbacks to that.

Sadly we haven’t got pregnant again but we are still trying. My husband has been an incredible amount of support and I hope you have someone who can support you too. I do feel for him too as I know he feels so hurt as well.

I’d love to stay in touch and hear how you get on. Please message me whenever you’re having a bad day and I’d love to do the same to you 💙

@Pennyroses Oh I’m so sorry to hear that you need support no matter what. Yes I imagine I must admit I am so scared to see a positive test again but I think my first thought would be going through a miscarriage again. How can you not think that. the feeling on being powerless in this situation is the worse. Have you found any ways of trying to cope with these feeling and to try and not to worry and over think?

Not silly at all, I have kept all my tests intact we got a little box and put all the tests, scan photo and hospital letters in. It brings me comfort and also validation that it was real. You need to do what makes you feel better.

Yes same as my husband he has been so upset especially at the beginning but he seems to be coping better than myself but like you said we go through it physically aswell our hormones etc. yes I do I’m lucky I have great friends and family and my husband is great but I’m so conscious that I’m so up and down I feel like I’m a broken record and I don’t want to keep bringing everyone down I know they would hate to know that’s how I feel though x

@lemonandsugarpancakes Yes I must admit I have been stalking the pages and everyone’s stories and then today I just thought let’s just put out how I’m feeling and seeing if anyone else is feeling the same so I know I’m not being over dramatic or crazy so it’s really nice to know I’m not alone.

I’m so sorry to hear this is your first pregnancy. Really nice how quickly you got caught. I bet you were both shocked by how quick? I don’t think you will ever beat that feeling though finding out will ya, it’s just magical scary surreal and amazing all in one hit. I’m so sorry to hear how this has happened I can’t imagine going to your appointment without one bit of thought anything is wrong and then to have your world ripped apart within a second. It’s very traumatic and I can’t imagine what that was like I’m so sorry especially on your own. When was this?

Abit of my story I’m 34 husband 37 our first pregnancy too been trying for about a year not serious trying but kinda guessing when was best to try if that makes sense. I had zero idea I was pregnant so when I saw those lines I was gobsmacked because we only had sex twice that month but as they say the more relaxed you are the better (easier said than done though!) I was 6 weeks when we miscarried I started spotting went to a private scan saw baby everything was fine then the day after bleeding and cramps got a lot worse and unfortunately miscarried. I went the hospital to confirm 2 days later. We like yourselves know we want to try again we really would like a baby so hopefully I get my period back soon and we can try again. How do you feel about trying again? I’m all of mixed emotions.

I’m so glad your husband has been great support I’m also very lucky with mine too he’s been great and we talk very open with each other I can and he can say anything to each other which is really lucky.

Yes please do I’m always here for a talk anytime ❤️

@Newchapter23 aww I'm glad you've done the same! It does help in some way, to remember it. My partner threw my tests away from the second one! I think he was just upset. But I've made sure I've held onto them this time!!
I'm not sure really, it's hard. I'm turning 39 this month so time really isn't on my side now. I also haven't mentioned that my partner was diagnosed with a low sperm count a few years ago and apparently his odds of conceiving are very low. So we must be doing something right as I've been pregnant 3 times!! It's just getting it to stick. I'm trying to stay positive and doing my best on my end, taking all the right vitamins etc and my partner takes a conception vitamin which I'm hoping will improve his sperm quality. And I take comfort in others stories on here etc who go on to have healthy babies ❤️ my best friends first pregnancy was a mmc when she was 35, second was a successful pregnancy with her little boy at 36. She then has 2 more early losses and another miscarriage last year at 38 and she's now pregnant again 🤞🏼 it appears to be going well!! There's plenty of time for you yet and I'm sure you'll get your baby very soon ✨❤️ x

@Pennyroses aww I'm glad you've done the same! It does help in some way, to remember it. My partner threw my tests away from the second one! I think he was just upset. But I've made sure I've held onto them this time!!
I'm not sure really, it's hard. I'm turning 39 this month so time really isn't on my side now. I also haven't mentioned that my partner was diagnosed with a low sperm count a few years ago and apparently his odds of conceiving are very low. So we must be doing something right as I've been pregnant 3 times!! It's just getting it to stick. I'm trying to stay positive and doing my best on my end, taking all the right vitamins etc and my partner takes a conception vitamin which I'm hoping will improve his sperm quality. And I take comfort in others stories on here etc who go on to have healthy babies ❤️ my best friends first pregnancy was a mmc when she was 35, second was a successful pregnancy with her little boy at 36. She then has 2 more early losses and another miscarriage last year at 38 and she's now pregnant again 🤞🏼 it appears to be going well!! There's plenty of time for you yet and I'm sure you'll get your baby very soon ✨❤️ x

@Pennyroses Yes we wanted to remember and not forget but I know not everyone is the same we just felt that was right for us and I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of anything but I know for others some people prefer that I suppose it’s all personal choice. I’m glad you have managed to keep something for you though.

That’s the worst thing about being a woman time and ticking clocks. You spend your 20s not worrying and trying not to get pregnant to be hit with the reality of actually how hard it is to get pregnant and life’s hurdles it throws in your way! It’s really unfair at times. Yes 100% it sounds like something is going right for you. Have you been offered any support? I keep seeing things about aspirin? At least you know you and your partner are doing everything in your power to help give eachother the best chance and there’s not much more you can do.

I am normally a big believer everything happens for a reason but right now I’m struggling to find a reason or comfort in this for us. I do agree though hearing other people’s stories is very comforting and I’m glad to hear your friend is doing well ❤️

This is the worlds sh*test club I wish we were all not a part of x