Please help!!! Really struggling atm!

[Sunshine8011]

Just for some context, I had a chemical pregnancy in November 2023, found out we were pregnant then 5 days later I started to bleed. Got pregnant really quick after only a month of trying. We decided to give it until after Christmas and try again, by February 2024 we were pregnant again, this unfortunately resulted in a blighted ovum (found out in March) that I did try to pass naturally but ended up taking medication in May for as I didn’t want to end up with an infection. Since then, we have been trying with no luck getting pregnant. I feel like I am doing all I can, taking all the right natural supplements, not drinking, eating healthy and trying to exercise regularly and nothing seems to help! Does anyone have any advice or positive stories that are similar to mine? Or just some positive words or understanding. No-one seems to understand what I’m going through, my close friends aren’t at a stage where they are ready for children yet so they can’t seem to understand my desperation to get pregnant and start our family. Other friends and family members are having babies all around me so as much as they sympathise they can’t really understand and I feel bad for talking about it with them as I don’t want to burden them with troubles. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through plus I recently lost my grandma and we were extremely close so I just feel like I’m not coping very well atm. I’m also 30 this year so I feel like I can hear the invisible clock ticking constantly in the back of my mind. Any positive stories, kind words or support would be greatly appreciated! x

Hi @Sunshine8011 I'm so sorry to hear of everything you're going through. I have a two year old already but I recently had a missed miscarriage and a D&C. I'm waiting for the return of my period which feels like the longest wait ever.

I doubt you are burdening your friends with your problems! My friends are fantastic but I have also found great support here on MN. I'm on a few TTC threads and there's lots of lovely women there who understand how you're feeling.

You are only nearly 30. You are still very young. I am 37 for context, 38 in November. Have you been to your GP yet? The general guidance here in Ireland is if you're trying for over a year to go to your GP x

Hi @SureLook thank you for your response and kind words. Yes, my 2nd miscarriage was also a missed miscarriage I’m so sorry for your loss. Think those kinds of miscarriages are even worse because you literally have no idea. I know I’m still young I just hoped for a family by now so it’s really taken a toll on me… I will have a look for the threads, think it would be beneficial for me to get some MN support. I have made an appointment with my GP for Friday to discuss potential options, unfortunately the general guidance in England is that they won’t help
unless you have had 3, which I don’t think my heart could take! Praying your cycles get back to normal soon enough and you can start trying again when you feel ready xx

unfortunately the general guidance in England is that they won’t help
unless you have had 3
Where are you getting this from? It's out of date.

I was told this by my consultant in November 2024 so I think it’s correct. There may be cases where the cause of miscarriage is obvious, in which case they’d intervene sooner. Since miscarriage is relatively common then they wouldn’t say 1 or 2 are worth investigating. Only 3. Or at least that’s what he said.

OP, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Maybe you and your partner should get fertility MOTs (blood test for you, semen analysis for him) through your GP. See if those show anything ‘wrong’. If they don’t, you may still have something amiss. My GP results were normal but the public system doesn’t test for AMH (which tells you your ovarian reserve which is pretty crucial). So I went private for a scan and AMH test and sure enough, my AMH was super low.

I had ivf and during the egg retrieval, they found I have endometriosis (which scans can’t usually pick up). So I’d say to advocate for yourself, get some tests done through the public healthcare system to see if there’s anything they can treat. If those tests are normal, get a few private tests done in case they’ve missed anything.

When people say you’re really young, I think they just mean that (if it comes to it) you’d be a great candidate for fertility treatment. Age affects outcomes very much. I appreciate you would have liked to be a Mother sooner; I hope you get to as soon as possible.

@Sunshine8011 thanks for your kind words. It was very shocking to hear the news as I felt fully pregnant. Although, looking back I think I knew deep down in my gut that something was wrong.

I understand what you mean when you say you hoped for a family by now. It is very hard to line up what you wanted with what is happening. You just assume when you start TTC that it will happen with no issues. Reach out for as much support as you need!

Thanks very much. I hope everything works out for you too. Let us know what the GP says x

@Mulledjuice i was told this in 2024, so unsure how it is out of date? No need for your rudeness either.

How on earth was I rude?

Most investigations don't kick in until 3 miscarriages. But some tests and some support can be requested after 2, which is what I did after the guidelines changed.