My mental health is in pieces

[Stardust127]

Hi

I posted in pregnancy but I think it was probably the wrong place to post.

I found out recently that I’m pregnant. I would only be around 4ish weeks - I get symptoms and test + very early which is a curse really.

I started miscarrying yesterday. Me and DH were over the moon when we found out. It would have been our second baby together, my third. Our youngest is 7 months so we were very excited about having two small children. I had a miscarriage before at the end of 2022. Even though I’m not far along, this still hurts so much. I am extremely reluctant to keep trying. I know that the first few maybe more times we have sex again I will end up crying. We want another baby but I’m so filled with fear.

I am so angry, sad, and my emotions are flying all over the place. My mental health is in tatters. I contacted Mind charity for help , they called, but my phone turned the volume down itself somehow so I missed it and can’t get through to anyone. this has tipped me over the edge even more as I really need someone professional to talk to. My husband is so supportive but he is suffering too as well as looking after a very wrecked me.

Ive been through a lot in life and I’ve been rejected help by a couple of services in the past and the maternity psychologist who I saw in my last pregnancy failed me, cancelling appts last minute then telling me she would write on my discharge letter I could come back to the services if need be but didn’t.

I feel so broken. The hours are going by so incredibly slowly and I just want this to be over.

I’ve just been told by the GP that the early pregnancy unit have rejected the GP’s referral request as im under 5 weeks pregnant. I understand this is just their protocol but it’s just another thing to add to the sting

I’m so sorry OP, there are some mental health charities which offer text support if you think that would be helpful?

So sorry you're going through this. I found out I had an MMC last week, surgical management on Tuesday coming. I was given a phone number for a clinical midwife specialist in bereavement and loss. Maybe you could ring the hospital and see if they could put you in touch with someone like that? I was further along than you and I'm in Ireland so not sure if that makes a difference.

I also found joining conversations on MN very helpful. Full of women going through the same thing, very supportive. The mental toll is so much worse than the physical x

Thank you for posting.I’m not sure but I never seem to get anywhere with any mental health help so I’m giving up. I’m in such a state and I can’t see a way out. This day feels like it’s been going on for a week and now I’m bleeding clots and it’s making my head worse.

thank you, I’m so sorry for your loss too. Sending hugs. ive been rejected by the hospital so I doubt they will put me in contact with any bereavement specialists particularly as I wasn’t far along. And that stings that they wouldn’t help - , just because I wasn’t far along, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt

Hello OP, I’m so sorry you’ve been through a MC previously and are experiencing one now.

It is such a lonely place to be, I recently had a MMC and surgery to resolve but the saga continues as I have retained products and I am booked for surgery again tomorrow to try resolve. I have found MN’s a big help as many ladies are going through similar emotions and can make you feel heard. I also reached out to some friends, some have been really supportive others not so much but it definitely made me feel like a weight had been lifted being able to talk openly and rant at times about my feelings.

I’m really sorry you are feeling this way, your feelings are completely valid. Just wanted to post so you know you’re not alone and send a big hug. Xxx

Of course, they follow their policies and procedures but there's no human element to that. Your feelings are very very valid. We're here to chat and support x

Thank you so much. It really means so much to me 🥰 Husband and I went out with our 7 month old for a walk this evening while it was quiet and nobody really out. I looked up at the stars and said goodbye to our little blastocyst. Sounds crazy, I know, but it gave me some closure. It still feels so raw but I’ve made it through another day of this hell. Hopefully not too many more to go xx

Oh my goodness I’m so sorry to you. I hope the surgery goes well tomorrow, please let me know how it goes 🤞🏼 it really is lonely. My husband is so supportive and the sweetest person but it’s really good to talk to people who have been or are going through exactly the same thing.

same as you, I have spoken to a couple of friends, one has been so supportive and helpful, one not so much but she’s got a lot going on herself so I’m not holding a grudge.

xx

Hello OP, so sorry to hear that you are going through an awful time.

Solidarity to you, I also had two MCs last year, one in July and one in December. I had my first child without issue so this was not something I thought would happen.

Like you, I am terrified at the prospect of trying again. Instead I am trying to work on myself, my general health and mental health before I want to go near that. I'm also booked in for full bloodwork and have asked for a referral to the fertility clinic because I'm 35+ with two losses so let's see. I was in such a bad place and to be honest every day is different but last week I went to the doctor and made a plan with them and I'm feeling more positive.

It's true MN has been such a source of support where I didn't have people in this boat in real life. Give yourself the time to process this x

That doesn't sound crazy at all. Sounds like it was very calm and peaceful. One day at a time x