Missed miscarriage first pregnancy

[Jemily997]

I’m not really sure what to say here or what I’m looking for really but I just need to talk about this awful situation.
I got my first ever positive pregnancy test on the 20th November, and according to my cycles I was around 4 weeks. Me and my partner went for an early scan organised by my midwife due to a tiny bit of spotting and little sharp twinges at what I thought was 6 weeks, and there we saw a little baby with a strong heartbeat measuring 5 weeks something. After this we started telling people as we knew it was developing the way it should be and really started to feel the excitement, I welcomed all the symptoms I was having, sore boobs extreme tiredness nausea, as I just loved being pregnant!
Fast forward to last Friday (20th Dec) I still had all my strong symptoms nothing had changed, no bleeding or cramping and I still felt incredibly pregnant. we went for a private scan we had booked before we had the 6 week scan at EPAU, where the sonographer couldn’t find a heartbeat and referred us back to EPAU on Saturday morning. My little baby was measuring 7 weeks 2 days, so much bigger than the tiny dot we saw on the first scan- so it could only have died a few days before the scan, and I just can’t help but feel angry, exhausted, emotionally drained and it just doesn’t feel fair to have had that big glimmer of hope seeing its heart beating away like a tiny trooper to seeing a lifeless little bean. We’ve been booked in for surgical management tomorrow morning (24th Dec).
I know I want to try again, but I can’t help but be preemptively anxious about next time… Will it have the same outcome? Was it my body? Is it our genes? I’m just absolutely terrified as this was my first baby I didn’t know what was normal and what wasn’t, and I just feel like I’ll be the same next time round.

My family have always joked that I was born to be a mummy, and I want to be with all of my heart but I’m just terrified it won’t be on the cards for me. I’m only 27 and I know I have plenty of time but I just don’t know what to think or how to feel.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a missed miscarriage, too, which was my first pregnancy.
I’d say it takes time to get over the shock and to grieve that loss when your mind and heart has built such a picture of your baby. So give yourself time to process and acknowledge what that little life meant to you. I was struck by how significant that pregnancy was to me and I feel it’s perfectly valid to acknowledge all that meant to you and your partner.

i’ve gone on to have three healthy children with very straightforward pregnancies.
it was scary at times as I worried what might go wrong so that was something I had to cope with and thankfully had very supportive family and friends.

our bodies are each different of course and this is just my personal experience but I think there’s every reason for you to be hopeful for the future, so don’t despair.
But also, give yourself time right now to process this experience.

I’m sorry OP, miscarriages are horrible, make you question everything. It’s good you’re booked in for surgical management, I’m sure the medical staff will be very supportive.

Miscarriage is really common. The majority of women go on to have a baby after. I did. So there’s absolutely no reason to think you won’t be able to have a perfectly straightforward pregnancy soon.

So sorry to hear this and totally understand how painful the grief is. A similar thing happened to me but we found out at the 12 week scan that the baby had died about a week before at 11 weeks. I had surgical management too. People will possibly make light of it all (‘it was only early, you can try again, at least you know you can get pregnant’) but please know your grief is absolutely valid and personally it’s something I have never gotten over, although it gets easier in time. I have a 1 year old now and I too thought that maybe I’d never be able to have a healthy baby. There’s always hope.

I too had a missed miscarriage found at my 12 week scan in my first pregnancy. Its heartbreaking and my heart goes out to you. Sending huge hugs x

I'm so sorry OP, sending massive hugs - you are not alone in this. Sadly I had three consecutive missed miscarriages, I understand all too well how lonely and scary it feels. I too saw healthy heartbeats with all 3 and they all passed away just before 9 weeks. There is nothing to indicate that this will happen to you. The majority of miscarriages are due to chromosomes irregularities. Research has shown that it seems some women's bodies are better at detecting this before the pregnancy sticks whilst others seem to have wombs that just hold on to it a bit longer. The cause of mine was eventually found to be thyroid related and I went on to have my rainbow baby who is now 2. Be kind to yourself in the coming weeks, it's an incredibly sad thing to experience and sometimes other people don't know what to say. If you do decide to try again, just know that you can do it. Stay strong and try to remain positive. All my three losses were in the space of a year. I had two surgeries and one that passed at home while waiting for the surgery. I refused to give up. It was the most hardest time of my life and it's taken me a while to fully come to terms with it all. Pregnancy after loss was scary, I was nervous the whole way. But he was worth every moment. And I learned a lesson in how amazing and strong women can be when faced with these challenges. Brighter times are around the corner, wishing you all the best.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Take good care of yourself, and I promise it won’t always feel this horrid. You’ll get there ❤️

@Jemily997 Thinking of you today hun. Hope all went okay for you. Take it easy and look forward to brighter things in the future. X

Thank you all so much for your kind and reassuring words, and for taking the time to read my absolute paragraph.
Just got home from the hospital the procedure went well, feeling very physically and emotionally drained but glad it’s all over and done with before Christmas.

Thank you for those of you who have shared your experience, hearing that things went well eventually fills me with hope. I’m very lucky to have such a strong support network around me 🤍

So glad you are back home safely and hope you had a restful Christmas. Hopefully better things for us all next year.

So sorry to hear. Had very similar.

I found the mmc so traumatic (something i only realised a while after) for several reasons. In addition to the loss of my baby, I lost my confidence in my body, hopes of easy pregnancies, my first experience of GA and it opened up new emotions for me and soul searching.
Just wanted to say take time to heal and then take a little more. It's tough, look after yourself but things do get easier xx

So sorry OP. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage too but I got pregnant again immediately after (no period in between) and she's now 15. Wishing you lots of sticky dust for next time xx

I could have written this post myself 😥
The only slight difference is the private scan I had after our normal, heart beating lovely EPU scan there was still a heart beat however slow and irregular but the baby hadn’t grown at all in 6 days, whereas the sac had and it was measuring 7 weeks and the sonographer said there was debris in the sac which essentially she meant blood. She tried to refer us back to EPU but they wouldn’t see me again as just 6 days before saw a viable pregnancy and I’d had no pain/bleeding. I resorted to calling them myself in floods of tears and they then agreed to see me Saturday. The sonographer has told me she’s never seen a viable pregnancy look how ours did and to prepare for the worst.

Sending you lots of love and so sorry for your loss xxx