Recent miscarriage, pregnant again, finding it difficult

[stellyharribea]

Hi just wondered if anyone out there is feeling similar to me. Am about 7.5 weeks. I had a miscarriage 2 months ago (2nd miscarriage also 1 ectopic previously, 2 kids) and am finding the wait unbearable. I'm not really sure what I'm waiting for to feel better and start feeling more confident about staying pregnant - 8 weeks, 12?? I'm definately pregnant at the moment(6th time - you do know!) and struggling to not get out the maternity clothes. Have gone up 2 cup sizes and am very visibly pregnant. I don't mind people knowing really but I just don't want to talk about it. I feel like what's the point - it' too complicated. Any thoughts?

Hi stelly. I lost a baby at 21 weeks in 2005, and have just miscarried a partial molar pregnancy. Healthy pregnancy and gorgeous girl in between. I think I know how you feel - it's wearying and hard and sad because you should be able to be excited but all you are is worried. I think here is a good place to let out those feelings, and to talk aboit being pregnant in a way that's hard face-to-face and with people who actually know you. I wish you the best of luck with this pregnancy. I think it will feel easier as you pass a few milestones...

I understand. Many of us do. I am 11 weeks and have really struggled, often thinking i had mc again.
My anatantal thread has been really nice as have the 'pg after mc thread - both been so good to me.
totally normal feelings, let me assure you.

Hi there

I had 3 before DD came along, so she was my 4th pg. I got scanned at 6 weeks, because I was referred to the EPU. Could you get referred?

If you can get a scan, you can get the heartbeat checked. That was the point when I started to feel a little better.

I don't think you ever relax though...once you've had more than one mc it feels obvious it will happen again (though of course, that's not the case!).

I tried to put it to the back of my mind for as long as I could. I personally didn't relax til after the baby was born.

You're in for a trying time to some degree, and though it's easier said than done, just get as many checks as you can done during your pg. Stress to your doctor/mwife that you need extra support/help and hopefully, you'll find what you need.

Good luck with the pg. I SO hope that it all goes well!

Thanks, I could get referred but this time I just want to avoid all that. My last mc was made much worse by the trauma of EPU. They thought it was definately ectopic, days of tests and waiting. I'd rather just sit tight - I haven't even been to GP yet. Am waiting for 8 weeks (for some reason?!). I suppose I'm trying to be all "zen" about it and let what will be, be. Just read that back, what a joke! Anyway, am hanging in there.

How do you feel about this one, stelly? Better, worse, same? Let off steam here, anyway, m'dear. Will fill in some of the waiting time, if nothing else. And read some MN classics whenever you're feeling low...

I can undestand that. Not wanting the fuss and palarver! I guess I'm just a bit of a drama queen...I liked the fuss and attention. And it helped that my one successful pg was through the recurrent miscarriage clinic, so was very supported.

You have to stay as zen as you can. For other pregnant ladies that might be different. With your experiences, your zen might not be exactly the same, but it'll be as zen as you make it.

Keep us informed. I'd love to hear how you're doing. I can only live vicariously now, cos I'm an oldie.

Thanks Squilly, I'm not far off an oldie myself!!!! I have quite liked the fuss and attention too at times, human nature I guess! I guess I'm just a bit tired and jaded with it all. I've had some medical problems (unrelated - I hope) and I am OVER hospitals, doctors etc. It does help to chat though. 8 weeks Thursday I'm focusing on that!

stellyharribea - congratulations on your pregnancy! I know you probably haven't heard that a lot if your friends and family are providing you with the oh so helpful 'well I won't get my hopes up' speech?

The chances of miscarriage do drop significantly once the heartbeat has been detected, so you should be past the danger point already.

But you are right, it is bloody difficult, I've lost two and for me I always worried right up till about 20 weeks (and then start stressing about stillbirth).

If I were you, I'm make a booking in appt with the community midwives and not even bother going to see the GP if that's how you feel .

Good luck

It's awful isn't it to have the constant worry at the back of your mind, I was just thinking today I don't think I will ever enjoy being pregnant again like I did my first one. I've had 2 mc since DD who's now 8 and found the last pg really stressfull, I had rip roaring pg symptoms but I couldn't get the fear of being told at booking scan sorry your baby died at however many weeks. Sadly in my case that scenario did happen but to be honest it could have easily all have been fine. You've already highlighted you know it's down to nature and that's one mother you can't mess with so I agree with Squilly, get your worries on here and we'll all totally understand and send positive vibes your direction. When your baby is in your arms and you're more relaxed you can hopefully fingers crossed return the favour to others one day. I love the title of knicker checkers annonymous thread cos I swear I wiped myself raw during my 3rd pg checking for blood (sorry if tmi )

Hi Scotlass...that bought back memories...the blood checking thang. I'd kind of forgotten about that though I still get flashbacks occasionally.

And I forgot to say congrats to stellyharribea. It's easy to get hung up on the possibilities of the bad stuff, but enjoy all the bits you can...tho I know that'll be easier once you've got past the first scan...then the second...etc..

Take care!!!

From the moment you find out the wonderful news that you are pregnant you worry......

You worry about miscarriage, then you get past that and you worry them being born healthy.
They're born and you worry about illnesses, cotdeath, being warm enough, eating enough. Then they go to school and you worry about their education and bullying.
Then they hit teenages and you worry about them getting into trouble, gangs and accidents. And then as my mum tells me they turn into adults and start their own families and you worry about all of the above for them.

You'd think knowing all this would put us off, but it doesn't because there is nothing better in life. I'd love to tell you not to worry but there would be no point. Hang in there and try to stay positive. I wish you a very healthy and happy pg.

20 + 3 and the worry hasn't gone away
abates for a few days after I feel baby moving but when i have a few days where she's quiet it comes back...but the worry has been in stages, not constant, I think that when the baby starts to move is one of those stages as it's so intermittent, and you can easily convince yourself it's dead if you don't feel it for a few days. I'm hoping that when it gets a bit bigger and I feel more movement I will worry less!
Congrats by the way, I just keep telling myself I'm healthy, there's no reason why this one shouldn't stick around, and every week that goes by is a week closer to having a real live baby
xxx

What fantastic news for you Stellyharribea. A new pregnancy is always good news especcially after heartbreak.
I have 2DDs and had 2 mc last year. I am currently 17+4.
The worry never leaves you but it gets easier to deal with. The wait until 13 weeks is horrendous.
Please come onto Knickers. We are all crazy and it is great because every woman on there knows exactly the right thing to say to help you get through your days.
Good luck and I hope to get to know you better on our lovely supportive thread.

Stelly, I can totally empathise. I'm currently on my fourth pregnancy (9wks) - have one DD but had two miscarriages in the last year. I find I'm incredibly anxious about this pregnancy and am finding it impossible to relax about it.

I know what you mean about not getting out the maternity clothes. Last time I had just bought myself some comfy shoes for the commute to work, when I found out about the missed m/c. Ok they weren't technically maternity wear, but I thought of them as my pregnancy shoes, IYSWIM.

Big ((hugs)) to you. I'm hoping that once I get into the 2nd trimester (if I do) that I will start to feel a bit better. Hope you do too!

Hi stelly. I had a miscarriage in October 2007. I'm now pregnant again - 10 weeks today (already have a 3 yr old son). I had an early scan at 6 wks, but that still hasn't put my mind at rest. I think the 12 week scan will make things a bit better, but I'm still petrified something is going to go wrong. I don't really have any advice, but just wanted to say, I know how you feel xx

Stallyharibea- I have two children and had two miscarriages last year. Like Ronshar, I am about 17 -18 weeks pregnant again, and for the first 12 weeks I was very stressed out.

I had a scan at 8 weeks which showed all was going well, and that reassured me - for about a week. I didn't really start believing in this pregnancy until I was past 12 weeks, and even now, with the baby kicking inside me, I am still finding it hard to believe that I will have a baby at the end of this!

Good luck to you Verso as well

and good luck Mrs Mattie as well.

Good luck, I had a 10 week missed mc, and convinced myself i was going to have another one several times a day with pg 2, 12 week scan was soo scary, did relax a bit after that and felt much better when hit 20 weeks, dd is now 6months, still check shes brething often Why is pg soo long, and why do days go so slowly when you are in 1st tri?

I´m around 7 weeks too, stellyharribea. Had a m/c 7 months ago. So I´ll be your companion

You know what I hate? People telling me to rest and be careful this time, as if it was my fault last time, not that I'm telling everybody. Just a handful of people know. I feel like telling them "Perhaps you would like to come and do my washing and look after the kids".

I still do not have much hope. Not fair on the little baby, but I cannot picture me with a bump, too scared. DD was born premature and died shortly afterwards 5 years ago, so I cannot really feel calm until the last month No maternity clothes for now.

On the bright side, I have 2 DS: 3 and 2 year old. So there is some chance that the miracle can happen again

chocfudge so sorry to hear about your DD
and all you other ladies who have lost babies
Know what you mean about not feeling calm till the end, I lost last baby at 15wks and no problems were picked up on booking scan so scans are no reassurance to me at all.
Am currently 6+1 and very nervous.

I miscarried in Dec 2006 and was pregnant again 10 weeks later, I gave birth to my healthy baby boy in Dec 2007.

I did worry up to 13 week scan and then sometimes had light bleeding throughout my pregnancy, sometimes I worried but most of the time I made a big effort to enjoy being pregnant and started to feel more confident as each week passed more so after 20 week scan. You will too Stellyharribea. Enjoy this special time, I'm sure everything will work out you'll have your little bundle in a few months time.

I too miscarried twice last year, at around the 7-8 week time (though do have a 3 yr old ds). We are planning to try again soon and I am really scared about the prospect of losing another one. Hang in there stelly and keep positive, there isn't much else you can do. Good luck to you and all you ladies who are in the same boat. I'm going to check out the link from justjules! Having gone through 2 I think I know exactly what she is going to say.

xx