On the 28/09/24 I found out I was pregnant(3+ on clear blue)… I was so nervous but sooo happy I felt I could burst. I always had a fear that i would have difficulties conceiving (again) due to previous experiences/health issues.
after estimating my due date I was around 4weeks gone but was so nervous I used whatever money I had to pay for a early reassurance scan (at 7w), which went well… heartbeat was seen, baby measured a week later so was actually 5w6d. This put my mind at rest but I could not anticipate how dreadful the first trimester is, for me it wasn’t the symptoms it’s the WAIT before meeting the MW, first scan etc.
Symptoms
I didn’t experience many symptoms, nausea here and there, occasional cramping, headaches… the main one was the fatigue! I’m diagnosed with fibromyalgia so I’m used to fatigue but this was EXTRA fatigue and I’d wake up so early for no reason which is not my style. But generally I didn’t have the first trimester symptoms that has people hating the first part of pregnancy.
On the 30/10/24 I started to notice blood… not a lot but due to cramping it was enough for me to take myself to a&e and get checked out. I waited for 5 hours before being seen, the doc pressing my stomach then telling me that my pregnancy test has come back positive but she’ll take to the gynaecologist to see if they can come check me out.. i was then sent back to the waiting room. I explained my condition and how difficult it had become to manage my fibro symptoms sitting on the chair and wondered how long it could possibly take. She told me she doesn’t know and I should just wait outside and they can give me paracetamol (which does absolutely nothing for me).
i then called the 24/7 midwife number and was advised that if the bleeding is heavy and I’m changing pads 3x per hour I should remain in a&e, if not I can call my GP and they can refer me if there is a concern. So I called my GP and I was offered a call back, the outcome from that was as the bleeding is light, this could just be the pregnancy settling and it is common, if I find myself changing pads 3x per hour I should return to a&e.
as time went on I continued to bleed, not too heavy but it was certainly getting heavier that before… I’d read so many stories of other peoples experiences of how this happened to them and everything turned out okay but for some reason my anxiety wouldn’t settle. 01/11/24 around 1/2am, I knew something was wrong. I felt like I was experiencing the first day of my period.. I started seeing blood clots and the cramps felt overwhelming, i then started to feel and blood clot like feeling.. when i lowered my underwear not only did i feel but i witnessed the fetus/pregnancy tissue exiting my body. After a second trip to a&e and showing them the picture and further examination, they confirmed that it looks like I’ve miscarried.
this has by far been one of the most traumatic experiences… it makes me scared to try again, I don’t think I could do through it more than once.
if anyone has any advice on how to move on, how to keep trying, or how to stop questioning what I could have done differently… please share because I currently can not close my eyes without seeing what would have been my child, exiting me. I feel helpless.
apologies in advance if this is triggering to you…