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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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The first time..

3 replies

Diaryofmk · 02/11/2024 03:56

On the 28/09/24 I found out I was pregnant(3+ on clear blue)… I was so nervous but sooo happy I felt I could burst. I always had a fear that i would have difficulties conceiving (again) due to previous experiences/health issues.

after estimating my due date I was around 4weeks gone but was so nervous I used whatever money I had to pay for a early reassurance scan (at 7w), which went well… heartbeat was seen, baby measured a week later so was actually 5w6d. This put my mind at rest but I could not anticipate how dreadful the first trimester is, for me it wasn’t the symptoms it’s the WAIT before meeting the MW, first scan etc.

Symptoms
I didn’t experience many symptoms, nausea here and there, occasional cramping, headaches… the main one was the fatigue! I’m diagnosed with fibromyalgia so I’m used to fatigue but this was EXTRA fatigue and I’d wake up so early for no reason which is not my style. But generally I didn’t have the first trimester symptoms that has people hating the first part of pregnancy.

On the 30/10/24 I started to notice blood… not a lot but due to cramping it was enough for me to take myself to a&e and get checked out. I waited for 5 hours before being seen, the doc pressing my stomach then telling me that my pregnancy test has come back positive but she’ll take to the gynaecologist to see if they can come check me out.. i was then sent back to the waiting room. I explained my condition and how difficult it had become to manage my fibro symptoms sitting on the chair and wondered how long it could possibly take. She told me she doesn’t know and I should just wait outside and they can give me paracetamol (which does absolutely nothing for me).

i then called the 24/7 midwife number and was advised that if the bleeding is heavy and I’m changing pads 3x per hour I should remain in a&e, if not I can call my GP and they can refer me if there is a concern. So I called my GP and I was offered a call back, the outcome from that was as the bleeding is light, this could just be the pregnancy settling and it is common, if I find myself changing pads 3x per hour I should return to a&e.

as time went on I continued to bleed, not too heavy but it was certainly getting heavier that before… I’d read so many stories of other peoples experiences of how this happened to them and everything turned out okay but for some reason my anxiety wouldn’t settle. 01/11/24 around 1/2am, I knew something was wrong. I felt like I was experiencing the first day of my period.. I started seeing blood clots and the cramps felt overwhelming, i then started to feel and blood clot like feeling.. when i lowered my underwear not only did i feel but i witnessed the fetus/pregnancy tissue exiting my body. After a second trip to a&e and showing them the picture and further examination, they confirmed that it looks like I’ve miscarried.

this has by far been one of the most traumatic experiences… it makes me scared to try again, I don’t think I could do through it more than once.

if anyone has any advice on how to move on, how to keep trying, or how to stop questioning what I could have done differently… please share because I currently can not close my eyes without seeing what would have been my child, exiting me. I feel helpless.

apologies in advance if this is triggering to you…

OP posts:
ditzzy · 02/11/2024 05:46

Firstly, I’m sending you a hug. Give yourself a little time as you’ve been through something really traumatic. Is your partner around with you? Did he know everything that was going on at the time? I think my biggest mistake was in protecting my partner from the worst of it so that he didn’t understand why I was struggling with some things.

My situation was a bit different, in that the two miscarriages I had were identified at my 12 week scans (after having early scans which showed heartbeat) and I had surgical management. But with the first, the surgery didn’t work, and a few days later I was cramping and bleeding heavily pretty much as you’ve described.

The other difference is that I already had my eldest daughter, so I knew it was worth persevering! After my first miscarriage it took about three months to conceive again, after the second it took about five months. But the time is probably more because I was old (40 at the time) rather than because of the trauma.

The thing that really helped the nightmare images leave my head was holding my real, live baby in my arms that much later. But I promise the images do fade over time before then as well.

Lots of people on here have lots of experience on this (unfortunately) so I’m sure more will come along with better words of wisdom than me.

You can get through this x

Nosejug · 02/11/2024 14:17

Oh pal, I'm so sorry. I miscarried last week, and am also haunted by the sight of it exiting my body. I've been ttc for 3 years and this was our first pregnancy. I knew the miscarriage was coming, and had booked in for surgery, but it happened in hospital an hour before surgery was due. I was also bleeding heavily very suddenly, my car seat is a bit ruined. The cramp pain was awful. Last year had a very serious haemorrhage on my cervix after surgery and that was deeply traumatic, so I was very afraid of the upcoming miscarriage. I went straight to EPU and they kept me overnight which both meant I was safe but more importantly meant I felt safe. I think having it in a medical setting amongst midwifes rather than ER staff helped a lot, and has made me less afraid of going through it again. My huge desire to be a mother is what drives me to want to try again, and also the care I recieved at the EPU. I thought a few times about calling Tommy's to talk through it. I think talking about it helps. From the previous experience of trauma from cervix haemorrhage (multiple blood transfusions and resuscitations) I was waking up/going to sleep/daydreaming about blood 24/7. Time passing and feeling safe again was the thing that has helped me heal. I'm still healing, but it's happening. I wish I could give you a hug. You're not alone in your experience. I think setting up a way you could feel safe in becoming pregnant again (knowing you'd have good medical support if you did have another mc) would be helpful. Sorry if this was rambling and sorry if it's off the mark. Just wanted to respond as I'm here feeling it with you.

Nosejug · 02/11/2024 16:01

Oh and I just remembered, in the first few days after mc I watched/listened to things constantly and played Zelda on the switch which even in good times absolutely absorbs me. Good for a break from thinking draining thoughts.

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