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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Counselling

20 replies

LilRedWG · 25/04/2008 16:56

Following on from this thread I have now got an appointment with a counsellor for next Tuesday evening.

What should I expect? I am nervous and feel a bit of a fraud as both miscarirages were before DD was born and she is now almost two years old.

OP posts:

purplegryffon · 25/04/2008 21:54

Hi there... As a counsellor and someone who (very reluctantly) attended counselling last year I understand, but please don't feel nervous or a fraud. Counselling is a forum for you to discuss any issues of concern to you - at your pace, in your own way - and however it comes to mind. The counsellor should ask open ended questions like 'what brought you here today' and 'what is on your mind foremost' - and you will have the opportunity to discuss as much or as little as you choose. I'm quite a private person in life and as I deal with mental health problems on a daily basis with others - I felt really out of my comfort zone when I attended my sessions. But you know what? When I got started - it all came tumbling out... It was a bit like a brain defrag - got things put back into perspective, and in places that felt comfortable again... Your losses no matter how long ago, or the fact that you now have a DD (congrats) is no reason for feeling like a fraud (easier said than done I know) - but good luck and try and use these sessions as a way to talk and understand the past so that you can face the future again with renewed hope and confidence. Take care x

Original poster

LilRedWG · 25/04/2008 22:43

Thank you very much. It's nice to hear it from both perspectives. I guess I'm just aprehensive as to exactly what memories will come tumbling out and if they'll be relevant at all.

OP posts:

purplegryffon · 26/04/2008 07:13

Hi... That is a natural reaction - but remember counsellors are not there to psychoanalyse or make judgements... And if long fogotten memories come out - and they help make sense of current issues - well in all honesty everything is relevant as it is your life story... It is perfectly normal to feel anxious, but try to go with an open mind; a good counsellor will spend most of the first session putting you at ease, and developing a rapport with you - and only then if you feel comfy can you tell your story... To be honest - from a personal perspective, it was nice to have the hour where I actually felt listened to... Many of life's conversations with people have either party thinking about something else (consciously or not ) so that time is your time - enjoy... (so to speak)... Good luck - let me know how you get on?

fym · 26/04/2008 07:31

Hello - I had counselling for something completely different (work related stress) but felt exactly the same as you - nervous, felt a bit of a fraud....

The upshot was it really helped me think through the issues and sort out the emotional feelings which were effectively holding me back.

I didn't read your other thread but can wholeheartedly recommend counselling.

Basically don't worry and go for it!

Original poster

LilRedWG · 27/04/2008 09:46

Thanks. I'm glad it helped you both sort through issues. I'll let you know how I get on.

OP posts:

dizzydixies · 27/04/2008 09:48

hi Red am so pleased you're going for this
I had counselling at uni after the loss of a relative and it was wonderful. don't feel like a fraud and go along open minded and you'll get loads from it

OracleInaCoracle · 27/04/2008 09:48

oh red, im so sorry, i didnt know this was happening!

Original poster

LilRedWG · 28/04/2008 08:26

thanks both - am getting really nervous now.

OP posts:

dizzydixies · 28/04/2008 09:33

oh sweetie don't be nervous,why don't you have a think about some of the things you want to talk about and write them down so you have some sort of control over where conversation is going and you don't come away feeling as if you've forgotten anything

OracleInaCoracle · 29/04/2008 12:49

how did it go?

Original poster

LilRedWG · 29/04/2008 13:54

It's tonight Lissie.

OP posts:

OracleInaCoracle · 29/04/2008 16:16

good luck, you will find it v helpful, im sure. you know where i am if you need me x

Original poster

LilRedWG · 29/04/2008 16:18

Thanks. I've been quite stressed about it today but am calmer now. DH is coming home on time early so that I've got plenty of time to get there.

OP posts:

OracleInaCoracle · 29/04/2008 16:25

good, you need to get some closure on it, a mc is a big thing to happen x

Original poster

LilRedWG · 29/04/2008 21:30

It went pretty well I think. I got on with the lady and trusted her immediately. Lots of tears and memories tonight. am off to bed now. Thanks for your support. x

OP posts:

OracleInaCoracle · 29/04/2008 21:32

im glad it went well, keep talking love x

Original poster

LilRedWG · 29/04/2008 21:34

Scarily, more about my childhood than recent stuff. G'night - there's a drink in the bar for you.

OP posts:

OracleInaCoracle · 29/04/2008 21:37

Original poster

LilRedWG · 30/04/2008 09:13

Feeling quite level and calm today. A lot of stuff came out last night that I've always known was there, but just telling someone neutral helped me rationalise some of it. A long way to go yet and I only get six sessions , but I think I trust this lady to help me.

OP posts:

OracleInaCoracle · 30/04/2008 09:16

im so glad, it really does help sweet x

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