Coping with pregnancy in the family after miscarriage

[Jess1066]

Hi there,

My SIL got pregnant about 2 weeks after my husband and I did, for both of us it's first pregnancies but my SIL/BIL have had a tough journey of TTC for over a year. My husband and I suffered a miscarriage last week early in the pregnancy. We are coping better than I thought we would be at this point and have said that we would like to TTC soon once my body has healed but the one thing I keep struggling with is how I am going to feel as my SIL reaches pregnancy milestones around the exact same time we would have.

We are thrilled for them because we know how tough of a journey they've been on TTC but I don't know how to support them through their journey because I don't know how I'm going to feel and it could become a constant reminder of our miscarriage. I feel like we had such a perfect situation with both couples pregnant at the same time and that it's been ripped away from all of us.

Does anyone have similar stories during their pregnancy or any advice?

Thank you in advance!

Hello me!

This has happened to us twice with the same SIL.
First time was 2 years ago and we both miscarried. Since then I've had 5 more losses.
In March of this year we found out we were pregnant again and so was she! Unfortunately I lost it not far in. She continued and had a healthy baby this month.

I stupidly hosted her baby shower because I had been so excited to reach this milestone. Although I had fun and drank a little to numb the feelings, I woke up crying during the night from a baby dream.
It's healthier to feel your feelings I guess!

I joined counseling specifically for this. I was scared I would fall apart and go into a deep depression again. I worked really hard with my counselor to work through my triggers and I was able to hold my nephew.
I had anxiety driving to the hospital to see them, I always do, but it all washed away when I saw them together. I couldn't have guessed that was going to happen, but seeing them happy and healthy made me smile.

Not sure what I can say to help you but what I can say is be very very kind to yourself. Speak to your partner when you can't handle your feelings. Cry it out and don't hold it in💕
If you can't be around your SIL don't force yourself.
Feel free to reach out to me if you need xx

So sorry you’re going through this, I can sympathise as I had my first MC and the month I would’ve been due my best friend announced she was pregnant with her second child, I then fell pregnant the month after and thought wahoo how perfect, but MC again. My friend doesn’t know about my MC as I’ve kept them private so no judgement to her but hearing pregnancy talk has killed me, I’ve often balled my eyes out after seeing her. It has got a bit better in time as I heal from my latest MC but there are still times I just can’t bear to see her so I’ve just made my excuses.
I think, if you can, try to view their pregnancy as a sign of hope, that after struggles a positive pregnancy experience can happen.
It won’t always feel so horrid, be kind to yourself as you navigate this, take care x

@OneDayHope Thank you! I never really thought about it like that. Even though they are both different in terms of what we went through with them struggling to conceive and our miscarriage, after over a year of trying they finally did. There was dark days for them during their process but look where they are now. Maybe refocusing my mindset to that their pregnancy and baby is a sign of hope that good things can come from dark times might help me cope through it.

@92rainbows thank you so much honestly your post yesterday morning was really what I needed to resd at that time and it encouraged a lot of growth in our healing journey yesterday. I've sent you a PM just to go into detail with that further.