Anxious about baby’s remains

[EllJamesx94]

I got a phone call from the hospital today to ask me what I wished to do with my baby’s remains (my baby passed away inside me and I began haemorrhaging one night, lost 3l of blood and had to have surgery to remove everything) I was less than 24 weeks. They’ve said I can have a communal cremation (I think that’s what they called it), they can cremate baby for me on its own so I can have the ashes or I can collect baby and make my own arrangements.

part of me would really like to bury my baby under the rose bush in my parents beautiful garden. Another part of me would love to have baby cremated so they can always be with me. I’ve never been through this before. Would the hospital allow me to collect my baby to bury at my parents or do I have to have something more official booked? If I do collect remains will I see anything? I don’t want to see anything I just want to remember my baby as it was on the scans. My head is a mess ☹️ thank you to anyone who has any advice or suggestions or experiences.. just anything to make me feel less alone in this. Thank you

I’m sorry for the loss of your baby
Is there a bereavement team at the hospital? Many large hospitals have one. Can you contact PALS? Or the Trust website?
If so, I’m sure they’d be happy to answer your queries
best wishes

Have you been in touch with the charity SANDS? They are great.

I'm so sorry to hear about your baby.

@EllJamesx94 I'm so sorry for your loss x

This is an incredibly tough decision to make, I was asked did I want to take my baby home or did I want to leave them at the hospital, I was so shocked and traumatised I just left them at the hospital and I'm not entirely sure I made the correct choice, but I wonder had I chosen to bring them home what would I have done? Plus I'd worry about something horrible happening such as wildlife digging up the garden, that kind of thing but maybe that was a strange/intrusive thought.
This is a very personal choice and there isn't a right or wrong thing here, do what you feel will help you. I didn't want to see my baby, they offered but I knew seeing them would just traumatise me. Think about you here, not what you think you should do or you think others would want, just do what you can to survive and if that's a home burial or leaving your wee baby with the hospital, there is no choice better than the other as long as its your choice and it's what you can cope with.

Sending you so much love ❤️

My hospital had a funeral directors they had an arrangement with and they sorted out everything for me with the bereavement midwives. It was all free. Does yours have that? They were very helpful in talking through the options. Thanks We chose to have a small funeral and he’s buried in the children’s section of a cemetery. I like having a place to go to. But it’s a very individual choice.