2nd Miscarriage and feeling hopeless

[Lucy80sGirl]

Hi everyone. Sorry for the long post. I'm just not sure where to turn to. I am 36 and have been ttc for 4 years and have unexplained infertility. We had IVF in March which resulted in a MMC at 10 weeks (baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks). I had to have medical management which was the most distressing and painful experience I've ever gone through.
Then had our remaining embryo transferred in August. I had my second miscarriage at 7 weeks. After several blood tests/internal scans I had to have d&c this week as there were still 'retained products' from the miscarriage.
I worked in between the second miscarriage and having the d&c done and had 1 day off work after the d&c. My job is so stressful. I just feel like walking out and leaving. I don't feel like I had enough time off after the second miscarriage but then feel like work are starting to get annoyed with me for having more time off.
I don't feel like anyone understands what I am going through. I am a shadow of my former self.
Sorry again for the long post, I'm not sure what I am expecting, I just feel so hopeless and lost with everything.

I’m so so sorry to hear this has happened to you again 🩵 and to hear that your work are being difficult.

im going through similar and it is so lonely.

Could you maybe get signed off by your doctor for stress? 1 day off is not enough and you need more time to heal.

I’ve been told I’m going to lose my ivf pregnancy and for the past 2.5 weeks have been in and out for bloods. I’ve only worked a few days in this time and feel guilty but it’s the mental side too.

look after yourself 🫶🏻

I’m so sorry to hear of your losses. I’ve also had 2 mc so can sympathise, both needing medical management followed by surgical management and both times I honestly felt like I was living in a nightmare. My 2nd was in June and I’m starting to feel more myself now, still sad and worried about the future but it’s not a permanent feeling thankfully, each day I hope you start feeling better too, that being said it does sound as though you could do with getting signed off for a bit as your job doesn’t sound great for you right now, give yourself time to process and heal.
Take care xx

After having 3 miscarriages the first 2 between 10 and 13 weeks and the last one at 15 weeks which was so stressful I was advised by my doctor to consider bed rest when I got pregnant again. I rested between 9 and 16 weeks and my GP signed me off from work during this time. I lay on the sofa or bed. It was boring so I watched Netflix or read books. My fourth pregnancy was carried to term. I was told some women have a weak cervix. I had to do bed rest for a month during my second pregnancy and for 3 weeks during my third pregnancy but part of this was because of very high blood pressure that would not come down without bed rest.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I’m not sure what to say but we are all thinking of you on this community. Does work know that the time off is due to miscarriages? It’s hard because I don’t think people who haven’t been through it fully understand how tough it all is. You might need to take a break and get signed off, as trying to balance work is really taking a toll but then equally not working could mean there is little to focus on but conceiving. Hope you can have a think and work out what is best for you.

I'm sorry for your losses OP
I could have almost written this myself! Also unexplained infertility. TTC 4yrs before finally falling pregnant at 38, but the baby had patau syndrome so had medical management. I bled for 3mths then passed a product of conception. I didn't need a D&C though.
A year later pregnant again. At 7 weeks I had some spotting, but no pain, so went to work. I MC on the bathroom floor, took 1 day off for the scan, and returned to a very toxic, stressful job the next day.
I left that awful job, found another and had IVF. Got pregnant, had a viability scan at 8 weeks and saw a heartbeat, but sadly, MC's 1 week later at 9 weeks.
I had further IVF but didn't get pregnant again.

I do hope your next pregnancy goes well. Sorry if TMI, but if things don't work out in a 3rd pregnancy, you can ask for the products to be tested for genetics. You can get a small, sterile urine type pot from a pharmacy and use that. They can't always tell the genetics. In my case, it showed that the likely cause of my losses was old eggs- the same thing a consultant told me!

Just know that its not your fault and you aren't alone. Happy to answer any questions you have. If you need time off, then take it. Speak to your GP if you aren't coping with day to day things. No shame in needing time to digest and work through your losses. The miscarriage association have a helpline if you'd like to speak to someone. They also have useful tips on remembering your losses- planting a tree, writing a letter to your baby, lighting a candle etc.
Wishing you all the best going forward x

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

So sorry for your loss. I am going through a second miscarriage after having one in July and it is truly heartbreaking. I don't think you can appreciate how devastating it is unless you have been through it yourself. What you're feeling is normal. It is lonely and the feeling of emptiness is overwhelming.
Just remember, you've got through it before and you will get through it again.
You need to prioritise yourself. You come first, then work. If you crash and burn from the stress, you won't be able to do your job anyway. Take the time you need to come to terms with things and be kind to yourself X