Time off whilst waiting to miscarry

[Happydays54321]

Hi all

i recently completed my first round of ivf which resulted in a positive pregnancy result but have since been advised not a viable pregnancy after my first hcg test.

I have been back and forth to the clinic for the last 2 weeks for more blood draws, all the while waiting to pass this pregnancy, which still hasn’t happened. I would be 7 weeks tomorrow.

finally had a scan today to check for ectopic and they believe I have pregnancy tissue which hasn’t passed, more bloods done and awaiting another call tomorrow.

this has been a horrible emotional rollercoaster and I’ve tried to work some days whilst this has been ongoing but some days it’s just been too hard and I’ve had to log off. I had most of last week off and then worked Monday. Haven’t worked today after scan outcome and don’t plan to until this is finally over.

suppose I’m just looking for experiences and for some reassurance that it’s ok to take time off, even though my body isn’t doing anything yet .

Has anyone else been in a similar position?

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have recently gone through something similar where I was waiting to miscarry after finding out there was no heartbeat and I took sick leave as soon as I found out and will be over 2 weeks in total. You are going through a traumatic time and you should do what is best for you and take as much time off as you need.

Thanks for replying, I’m so sorry you went through similar 🫶🏻

I just feel guilty as I’ve been off work on and off 2 weeks already as kept getting told I would bleed but it still hasn’t happened…this can’t be helped but worry I’ll end up being off too long (not that there is a limit on these things ! Suppose every situation is individual though x

Waiting for it to happen is so so hard and you are entitled to that time off. You're right that there's no set time you should take and everyone is different. Some people take months off in these situations. I understand how you feel about the guilt. I feel the same but it is such a difficult time. Do you have a supportive manager? X

I'm sorry for your loss. Take as long as you need. I miscarried at 9 weeks. I wish I'd been more stronger and refused to go back to work after 2 weeks, but felt pressured by my old company to go back. I was still bleeding heavily and in pain but basically had to put on a brave face so I didn't upset the people I was looking after. What made it even worse was they kept putting me on double up calls with another carer who was Pregnant which meant that even though I was still actively miscarrying ( it took 5 weeks in total for everything to pass) I felt like I had to do the majority of the heavier stuff because I'd have felt awful had anything happened to the other carers Baby. Every time I asked them to swap me onto a different call I'd basically get told it was tough and I just had to get on with it. It's no wonder my mental health was absolutely shot to bits. Oh and they also forgot to pay me for the 2 weeks I was off which meant I was £800 down on my wages but wouldn't pay me that money till the following month so I was massively taxed on it. I've only just been able to start eating baked beans again because for 4 weeks I was pretty much living off value baked beans and the odd loaf of cheap bread if I could find one reduced so I could still afford to pay my rent and bills.

Thank you. This whole limbo bit in between has been awful, waiting for something to happen. I’m praying it does soon.

Yeah thankfully she has been great but I just worry about everything even though I shouldn’t ! X

I’m m so sorry to hear that, that’s absolutely awful. I hope you are doing better now 🫶🏻

I had a holiday booked for next week anyway but my manager cancelled it to give me my days back which so nice of her. Just praying it’s all resolved asap 🤞🏼

It's definitely ok to take time off. I had a mmc and had to wait a week for them to formally confirm that the pregnancy wasn't viable. And then wait for an appointment to get the drugs for medical management. I took that whole time off, plus the rest of the week when I finally took the misoprostol. And then did half days for the first half of the following week. (And then 2 more days a couple of weeks later because the misoprostol didn't fully work the first time)

In a way, I think having that time to grieve the loss of my baby before going through the physical process of miscarrying helped me to feel properly ready to go back to work / re-engage with my life faster than if I had tried to push through those really tough sad days at the beginning as of nothing was wrong because I wasn't bleeding.

Thanks so much for your reply and I’m so sorry to hear you went through similar, I hope you are doing ok 🫶🏻

I just don’t feel like it’s a loss yet as I’ve had no bleeding and my bloods have gone up again. So I’m back in on Monday for more 🤦🏻‍♀️ I just don’t know how long this is all going to take and it’s worrying me. I will be asking them to scan me again next week as this will be my 7th set of bloods and I’ve still not spoke to a consultant. Getting very fed up! But will stay off until it’s resolved as it messes with your head so bad.

sorry went off on a tangent there !