Hate my husband after my stillbirth

[Curlygirl123]

Hi
Just opening up because I’ve hit rock bottom recently. For context, I fell pregnant in 2022 5 months after having my second child. I was so happy and my husband was not. He coerced me to get an abortion he was adamant we could not afford to have more children and I was heartbroken and I fell into depression for a long time. He apologised very soon after and we both we very unhappy for a long time but we somehow made it through.

In March this year I fell pregnant again, he was happy-ish still concerned about finances and we both got new jobs but he was still negative about all the changes that comes with a baby and then at the end of July I found out I’d lost her at 5 months. She had no heartbeat. We haven’t had our post mortem appointment yet but we know it was most likely an infection. My grief is really ugly, I’m really angry at my husband. I really don’t see a happy future anymore. The depression is familiar in the sense of “another baby I’ll never meet or hold”. We have good days but I guess I still blame him. I’m not sure…

I’m trying to make my way through a marriage book that navigates loss but sometimes I’m too angry to even read it. Has anyone been through similar feelings?

@Curlygirl123 im so sorry for your loss. I don’t have any experience in this but wanted to let you know that you’re not alone.

Grief can by terrifying and all consuming, there is no right way to process grief and yours is obviously complicated by the way in which your husband reacted to your pregnancies. I would suggest looking into getting yourself some counselling to help you work through your feelings and to help you understand whether you can move forward with your husband.

It’s never a good idea to make big life changes when you are in the midst of grief so give yourself time.

Councelling.
Grief can ruin relations but this isn't your husband's (or yours) fault.
I am sorry for your loss.

If you're in Scotland can I suggest you contact Baby Loss Retreat? They're a charity set up for anyone who's lost a baby at any stage in pregnancy, birth or neo-natal. They would be able to help you OP. So sorry for your loss and hope you find the support you need wherever you are.

PS your feelings are understandable and reasonable.

I am so sorry for your loss. No parent should ever lose a child, it's an unbearable grief. It's made harder to bear by the fact that everyone, including partners, grieves differently and sometimes those ways of grieving seem incompatible and incomprehensible to the other. I agree you should look for counselling, there's a lot for you to unpack.

My love, I’m so sorry to read this. I can’t imagine. I know grief is not simple, it ebbs and flows and there are no rights or wrongs. Please don’t bottle up your feelings, speak to who you need to - even if it’s just us strangers on here. I’m so sorry for your awful loss and I’m so sorry you feel how you do. I’m sending you love.

Honey I'm so
Sorry this has happened to you and you are having to live without your precious girl. And your other baby too. I just want to say this is not your fault and your feelings are completely valid. Please seek some kind of counselling .i know it's seems an easy thing to say but it will definitely help you to express and work through your feelings and will bring meaning to the babies you are missing by talking about them and acknowledging them and what they both mean to you. X

I don't have any advice other than honour your grief and take things a day at a time, a moment at a time, if you need. I am so very, very sorry for the loss of your precious babies. I've also mc'd and a dear friend had a loss at 5 months, like you. The grief is deep. Sending love from across the pond. 💐

Thank you everyone. I reached out to a counsellor and had my first session yesterday. Thank you for all your lovely words. ❤️

Glad to hear this, hope it helps you move forward.

Well done it is so worthwhile. I hope you enjoy your sessions as much as I did