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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Don't feel like I want a baby anymore

4 replies

YourCoralPoster · 18/09/2024 18:58

Hi everyone. I've been with my husband for six years, married for just over one. We have both always wanted kids and started trying a few months after our wedding.

It took 6 months and we were both over the moon when I finally got a positive test, but a couple of weeks later I began suffering with extreme anxiety. It came out of nowhere and was horrendous, I could barely function. I'm still not sure what happened but it was unbearable.

I then had a miscarriage at around 8 weeks. I was upset but also partly relieved because I didn't feel capable of continuing the pregnancy or looking after a baby with that mental state.

It's been almost 2 months since the miscarriage and my anxiety has lessened a lot. However, even the thought of being pregnant again causes me to panic. I cannot imagine going through that horrendous anxiety again and I'm so scared it'll come back with another pregnancy. On top of that, the thought of another miscarriage makes me panic.

I don't know what to do now. My husband already wants to start trying again and while he's not pushing me, I genuinely don't know if I can do it again. I always thought I'd be a mum but I don't know if I want to/am capable of it anymore.

I'm just so so scared to go back to that dark place. I don't want the trauma of another miscarriage either/to see my husband so upset. I don't know what happened to me when I was pregnant but the chance of the anxiety happening again is enough to put me off.

In fact, my severe anxiety had begun to lessen before I even knew I had a miscarriage, so this makes me think even more that pregnancy hormones caused it and it's just going to happen again.

But, I know my husband wants kids. I know it'll likely be the end of our relationship if I don't want them anymore, and I don't know what to do... I don't want to lose him but that's not a good enough reason to have a baby for me now...

OP posts:
AgainandagainandagainSS · 18/09/2024 19:00

Give yourself time. You have been through a horrible ordeal, hormones will still be regulating. A miscarriage isn’t a broken nail, they take their toll.
You don’t have to try for another pregnancy next week. Give yourself time to heal, accept what’s happened, settle into married life a bit and then think.

OneDayHope · 18/09/2024 19:09

So sorry you’re going through this. 2 months since a mc is nothing, it can take a long time to heal from something so traumatic. Take your time, do things you enjoy, then in a few months, a year, however long, you may feel different about having kids, you may not, but you need to give yourself time to process it all.
Wishing you all the best, take care xx

Pinkieblue24 · 22/09/2024 11:50

So sorry for your loss! Its a heartbreaking time & all the overwhelming emotions you are feeling are valid. Allow yourself time to accept and digest what has happened & recover from it all. It wont go away ever but with time you will slowly learn to live with it & find different ways to cope. I know its hard but try to remember that every pregnancy/experience is different & just because it happened once doesnt mean it would definitely happen again. Spend time with your family, settle into married life & maybe just go with the flow & if it happens then it does but in the mean time work on urself & preparing for all possibilites? You dont have to try straight away again, allow yourself time & space and when the time is right it will happen. Sending u so much love & hugs🩷🩷

Withless · 22/09/2024 11:53

I'm sorry for your loss.

You do know that your anxiety didn't cause the miscarriage don't you?

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