Close friend and baby shower

[Rainbowflower2024]

Hi all,

long story cut short, me and my close friend found out we were pregnant and we were only 1-2 weeks apart. Unfortunately I had a mmc. I am now invited to my close friends baby shower. Is it bad that I don’t go? I want to go but I don’t think I’ll be much company and I don’t want to put a downer on the day. I’m scared that I’ll cry all of sudden on the day. But then I feel bad for not going. I already feel bad for not being that good friend and asking how she is during her pregnancy journey as much as I should be. I’ve been in protect mode and I just feel so bad for it.

@Rainbowflower2024 so sorry for u loss! I know what u feel…I think if u don’t feel like going don’t go..she is ur close friend so she will understand…being in ur shoes is very hard. Give urself time and grace… and perhaps be honest about ur feelings with her? No one really understands miscarriages until they go through it and maybe she just doesn’t get it if u don’t speak to her.
sending u all my best wishes 🌈

Hi,
Firstly just want to say I am so sorry for your loss & the fact your friend is due around the same time as you.
I have been in this situation three times, the first time I’d lost my baby 2 days before my best friends baby shower (I have 2 really close best friends) I went - but was clearly not thinking straight at the time as things were so raw. I even had a photo taken with her of me holding her bump - again wasn’t really thinking clearly & looking back I don’t know how/why I did it.
The second time was my other best friends baby shower - She was due Nov & I was due March but lost in Sept at 13 weeks (My 6th miscarriage) I didn’t go. She was amazing about it.
The third was in July just gone - 10 months after my 6th loss & I just couldn’t do it. My friend was amazing and told me when she sent the list of invitees there was a ? Against my name as she would never want to pressure me.
i think in hindsight with the first I felt I needed to go so people wouldn’t think I was bitter, but as time has gone on & the trauma I have learned we experience with baby loss I no longer care what people think. You have to protect yourself and be selfish sometimes just to get through ❤️.
All my friends babies are here now and I absolutely love them to pieces - frequently have them over to play or overnight if my friends need me to xxx
It’s not your friend or their baby you resent, you just want your own xx & who wants to sit in a room full of baby talk when you’re having to endure such a traumatic experience xxx I really hope this helps 😘

Sorry for your loss, I’ve been in your shoes and after a mmc I also didn’t attend a friends baby shower, it was a few years ago but even now sometimes I just can’t face those type of events.

Be kind to yourself, your friend will understand x

So sorry you’re going through this, with my 2nd mc I was just a few weeks behind my friend but she doesn’t know about my mc so I did go, and actually helped plan/set up. Ideally I wouldn’t have gone, the build up to it got me down and on the day it was obviously 100% pregnancy chat. I balled my eyes out all the way home. As your friend knows about your mc, if you don’t want to go then definitely don’t, I’m sure she’ll understand that you just need to protect yourself. Take care xx

Don't force yourself to go. I held it together at my best friend's baby shower (that I had organised(, but cried hysterically the whole way home. I'm glad I did that for my very best friend, but also glad I avoided the showers of all the other millions of babies evening else seemed to be having at the time.

Thank you all for the messages. It helped me reading them as I just felt so bad for how I was feeling. I have a few weeks until the baby shower so I will see how I am. X