Am I being a cow

[hicketypickety]

I am currently in the throes of RMC whist trying to TTC baby number 2.

Currently on four losses in 2 years and worked out that I've been pregnant or waiting for EPRC surgery for nine months.

I have been to the NHS RMC clinic with nothing obvious though they noted it was an "interesting case" because "all the losses are different" (helpful...)

Spent £000s on private scans, appointments, blood tests with naff all reasons for the losses found.

Obviously while I'm going through all this it feels as though everyone I bloody know is pregnant or had a baby including my sister, three close friends and my work bestie (only one who knows what's been happening to me is work bestie).

Work bestie is pregnant and has HG and I really want to support her because she's been supportive whilst I've been going through my stuff but I am struggling with her saying how much she's hating being pregnant and saying she doesn't know how she can continue / will cope for the remainder of the pregnancy.

Am I being a total cow?? What have others done to help them cope in similar situations? It's an odd vibe because it's not a jealous thing (I don't want anyone else's baby) but it is hard for me to articulate.

Clearly I understand that my struggles don't invalidate anyone else's but I want to be a good friend so I suppose I'm looking for coping strategies

I’m sorry OP it sounds like an incredibly difficult situation and I hope you get some answers soon. I think with regards to your friend it’s a case of realising you can be upset for yourself, while being happy for someone else. And not everybody enjoys pregnancy, I love my baby girl, she’s 5 months old now and is my absolute world, but I really struggled with pregnancy- sickness, pains etc. I would do it 10000 times over for my baby, of course, but it is really hard and it’s perfectly okay to not enjoy being pregnant, to find it difficult and to struggle to cope with it all. If you can’t be supportive of her though I think you’re totally fair to take a step back for now and I’m sure she will understand your reasoning x

No, it's just hard when you have multiple miscarriages, I feel your pain. I was put on high concentrations of folic acid and half an aspirin, I was also prescribed HCG injections for the first trimester too - I did get my 2 children but it took over 2 years each
Good luck and don't feel bad

So sorry for your losses! I’ve had 2 mc, no children, and my friend is currently pregnant with her 2nd, if I hadn’t lost mine I’d have been due just a few weeks after her so it’s been tough but that being said she doesn’t know about my mc (mentally cba to tell people). But if she DID know, I think I would feel incredibly frustrated, not just with complaining, but general pregnancy chat. It must be really hard for your friend right now, and I don’t blame her for complaining, but I think when venting we should pick our audience carefully, and right now she shouldn’t be complaining to you giving it’s a sensitive time.
I don’t have any coping advice but this time will soon pass so you soon won’t feel so frustrated, but long story short I don’t think you’re being a cow.
Take care and all the best for the future x

It's so hard to be in those situations when you've had multiple losses OP, don't feel bad, your feelings are completely natural and to be expected. What I try to do when someone is struggling in pregnancy is separate their journey from mine, and empathise with the specific element they are going through. For example, I had horrible morning sickness with my last pregnancy (most recent MMC) which carried on right until surgical management. I felt horrific. So I can empathise with not enjoying being pregnant because I really, really did not enjoy that time even though all I want is to be pregnant and have a baby!

It's definitely not easy - I just found out my sister in law is 12 weeks with their second, quick conceptions and no losses and I cried my eyes out when my brother told me. To add insult to injury all my other half wants is to be a dad, and my brother doesn't even really want a second, his wife does and he's just going along with it! I went from upset to anger so fast when he said that...

TTC is a very unfair minefield. Be kind to yourself - you're not being a cow at all. Big hugs xx

Thank you everyone, you've put my mind at rest.

I will really try to divorce myself from the feelings. When she told me I was genuinely thrilled for her but I'm finding the chat about potentially wanting to terminate due to the HG quite hard so I think that's good advise to separate our paths - both suffering just different.

It is just such a crappy CRAPPY journey to be on (and I fully recognise the irony as I am very lucky to have my 7yo and I know lots of people would be thinking "shut the eff up at least you have one child")

I find folk whining about their pregnancy annoying.(Unless of course there are serious issues.) And it must be a lot harder to listen to in your circumstances. Just avoid these inse sitive people if you can.