IVF miscarriage

[Emioo]

I am likely having a miscarriage. I’m 9 weeks today and had scans at 6,7 and 8 weeks (previous ectopic and IVF baby) that have never confirmed a heartbeat. Baby is measuring small but still growing so they want to do a scan this Friday before they rule anything out, but I know it’s bad news. My query is, I was devastated and still am but I cried for 2 days and now just feel numb. My emotions aren’t played out in my voice or face and I’m not feeling particularly sad. I don’t feel happy either and I’d give all the money I have to change what has happened but I know this embryo was never viable so I feel like what I was feeling before was fake when I thought I would have a healthy baby. It’s been a long over 2.5 years of IVF, we’ve gone through 11 embryos. I’ve had an ectopic and now this. I just don’t understand my own emotions. Am I just used to feeling disappointed now? Or is there more to it?

I’m so sorry OP, I can’t even imagine how difficult this has been. I think sometimes our minds do this to protect us from ourselves honestly, or maybe we subconsciously do this to ourselves because feeling that numbness is better than feeling all of the other emotions. If you haven’t already I really think you would benefit from counselling for some support, even having a safe space to talk could be immeasurably helpful. Again, I’m so sorry x

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. The uncertainty and waiting can be agony, so please be gentle with yourself and gather up the support you might need.

I felt (I think) similar to you at one stage in our long secondary infertility journey, also including loss (and an ectopic). What you said certainly sounds familiar to me. I was almost annoyed at myself for getting it wrong and being hopeful. Therapy was amazing in helping process it all — and understanding that I would never have judged anyone else for that (in fact I’d have thought that was totally reasonable) and accepting that.

Thank you both for your kind messages. I am having counselling and she did say that going numb is my brain’s way of protecting me from feeling the worst, but it still feels odd. My husband still has some hope for tomorrow but I don’t really. I think we would be one of those stories you see as miracles in the papers if we ended up getting a heartbeat. Especially given the hospital have already asked the bereavement lady to call me. She was very nice and I did end up in tears, so perhaps I’m not as numb as I thought once I’m talking about it.