Ectopic pregnancy grief

[Lilypad121]

I had surgery for a ruptured ectopic pregnancy last week. We had only found out I was pregnant a few days before the rupture. I was having constant pains so they did a scan and said it looked to be in the right place but ordered HCG bloods. After 3 days I got a further crippling pain, the worst of my life and husband brought me to hospital. They checked the HCG levels which had plateaud so they did a scan and sure enough it was a rupture. I had emergency surgery where they removed a tube and I lost a lot of blood.

I'm home a week now and the physical symptoms are subsiding. I was hypervigilant about every little pain that it was more internal bleeding and that I was going to end up back in hospital or worse. That fear is slowly passing but now the feelings of loss are coming to the fore.
We have a 2 year old and had been trying over a year for our second only for this to happen. I'm so happy to be home with my son and husband but I feel so numb. My sister and my neighbour are both pregnant and every time I think of holding their newborns I start to cry at the loss of our baby and what might have been. I know it was so early but it was a life that would have been part of our family and I can't explain the grief and sadness over something that was over so quickly.

Apologies for long post, I don't know what I'm looking for, maybe some reassurance. Writing it down has helped. Love to anyone who has lost a pregnancy, it's so heartbreaking 💔

I’m so sorry for your loss. I wish there was something more helpful I could say. I hope you are well supported as you hold the grief and begin to move through it. 💐

Thank you xx

Sorry for your loss OP. Dealing with the loss of a pregnancy and a tube whilst recovering from surgery is really really hard. It is a lot to process and it’s only been a week so please allow yourself time.

What helped me was accepting it was huge. Don’t feel the need to minimise it. There will be so many big emotions and difficult feelings so try to talk it though, don’t bottle it up. Protect yourself when you need to, don’t feel the need to enjoy others pregnancies if you don’t.

You may have been offered a follow up with a consultant and I’d recommend doing so when things aren’t so raw to talk through what happened and what it means for the future. This was very little help practically but mentally set me up for trying again when the time was right.

It may reassure you to know that I have conceived naturally with just the one tube and had a very normal pregnancy after the initial early checks that all was in the right place.

For now I hope you have all the support you need for a comfortable recovery.

Hello dear,
What a heartbreaking experience you have just went through! You are a strong mama!
i agree with you, a loss is a loss no matter how early it is, it doesnt matter if you have already a child or not, the pain is still the same. I’m sorry you had to go through this.
i suffered a MC also, no children so far, and i know that sometimes the only people we connect with are the one who have had the same experiences. Know you are not alone, and as u said talking about this with the right people will help you grieve.
I know exactly what you must feel about having to be with pregnant women. I myself found that suddenly after my MC that 3 of my bbf are pregnant, one after the other and recently my SIL which sucks really- not that i am not happy for them- but sometimes you just want to forget about the subject and try to have a normal life, but suddenly it’s what everybody talks about. If it helps take some time away of anything that could make sad, even if it means taking time from loved one, heal yourself first. That’s what i did for a while and they were very understanding.
what’s beautiful about this kind of platforms is reading the happy ending stories of other women who once were in your shoes. So don’t loose hope, have faith it will happen in God’s timing.
And dont be hard on yourself, let time do its magic.

I'm so sorry for your loss❤️ I had surgery 7 weeks ago for an ectopic and my right tube was removed due to internal bleeding and rupture. I can relate to the deep sense of grief and loss youre feeling, it is truly heartbreaking and feels so lonely. I remember thinking how on earth am I going to get through this. No matter gestation you have every right to grieve your baby, I felt at 7 weeks pregnant I shouldnt have been as upset as I was but the baby was part of me and very much loved. The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust website has been amazing, when you feel ready there is so information and support / forums on their page which gave me some comfort in the early days and even now. Remember to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel how you need to as you are healing after a traumatic experience. Hugs xx

Thank you all so much for your lovely replies.

@NapTrappedAgain I'm glad you went on to conceive again, it's lovely hearing stories like that. I'm due to see the consultant in a few weeks and I've written down some questions that I'd like to ask so it'll be helpful to get some clarity on some pieces and my future changes to conceive.
@HeartyPanda thank you and I'm so sorry to hear about your MC, it does feel like everyone is pregnant when this happens or when you're having difficulty conceiving. Hopefully you will get your baby soon xx 🤞
@pinkrose001 I'm so sorry that you went through this too, it's awful. Hopefully you're healing well and thank you for the kind words. A loss is a loss, no matter how far along. I had a look at the ectopic pregnancy trust website and forums there and it does seem like a huge help so I'll look at that a bit more this evening.

I'm getting support from my family and DH and I'm very lucky that I've been signed off work for a few more weeks as I've a stressful job in healthcare that I can't even think about for now. It sort of feels like the emotional floodgates are opening and I'm keeping a lid on it but that won't last forever. I really appreciate all your kind words and responses, it has made me tear up which is probably needed!