So heartbroken. Words of advice

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Yesterday I went for an early scan to find out one of my twin baby (DD)at 17weeks has no heartbeat and the other (separate sacks) had fluid around him (DS) and was swollen. Distraught. Had another miscarriage last November (6weeks). Luckily I have a beautiful five-year-old, to keep me going.

But I just feel. Awful. Surely having two one would’ve survived? They think the fluid is due to hydrop (could be from my five-year-old slap cheek two weeks ago) or could possibly be to antibodies in my blood, but they don’t know the antibodies yet and it is very coincidental about the slap cheek thing. (Palma virus) what are the chances.

They offered to operate and give the baby a blood transfusion but I can’t guarantee the brain swelling would not cause brain damage in the future. I’m trying to find my inner to hold it together and stop crying. I just can’t.

they offered me I surgical removal for both or to pass it at the hospital. I think I got up for a surgical as I’d like to get put to sleep and it to be over and done with.

will I ever have a baby again? I thought I was out of the dark two weeks ago, I had a in-depth private scan and everything is fine. I guess I have to wait for blood test to come back to know more. Postive rainbow baby story’s more than welcome

I'm struggling to find the words but my heart is going out to you.
Take comfort in the beautiful child you have and stay positive and hopeful about the future

I'm so sorry. It's just awful. I lost a baby girl at 17 weeks, it was horrendous. I was able to carry again, and I had a little boy about 18 months later. Don't lose hope. I'll be praying for you; be gentle with yourself as you process everything.

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so traumatic and the grief is overwhelming most days.
we lost our girl in June at 20 weeks due to parvovirus b19 (slapped cheek) caught from my 4 year old.

I struggle daily with what’s happened it’s changed my life and I live completely different now.

I have days that I’m holding onto hope and others that I feel this is it.

sending you all my love and support.

It’s just the worst thing. As I lost a baby last year at six weeks, I am half thinking is it me or is there something wrong with me. But it is a very dangerous thing to catch. I wish there was more warnings about it.

I hope you’re feeling better today my day x

Hi OP - this is a tragedy - I am so very sorry.

I'd go for the surgical, too.

If it helps - I had a great many miscarriages, at various stages of pregnancy, and I did end up with four live children - but had fifteen pregnancies (eleven losses) in total.

So it is really possible - in fact, very likely - that you will be able to have another, healthy pregnancy.

But for you - this - at 17 weeks - how dreadful for you. How is your husband coping?

I'm so sorry OP that is utterly dreadful
I would do everything possible to save YOUR DS
I have been in this situation -with singletons -more times than fair and I would whole heartedly have the surgery.
Ask for some decent drugs I had fentanyl as I recovered
💔

I'm so sorry. Xxx

I'm so sorry for your losses OP, that is heartbreaking. I found out my baby's heartbeat had stopped at my routine scan, at 19 weeks and it was horrific but having other children honestly does help. I was offered lots of tests and a post mortem to try to find a cause of death; they should be able to test for slapped cheek. I'm a teacher so I assumed it was that but actually her cord wasnt formed properly. I wasn't offered surgery but physically giving birth to a baby of that gestation wasn't as tough as when you've had a term baby; obviously it's emotionally hard but I think it helped me. They made us a memory box, took handprints etc and let us spend as long with her as we wanted. We were also able to have her cremated individually and have her ashes. Tommy's website has lots of info. We're at the beginning of trying for our rainbow baby, praying you find a way forward and have yours.

Please don't stop yourself crying. If there is a time in life to cry your eyes out it's now. I'm so sorry op xxx

Thank you all for your messages - so part of me does want to try to save my DS but they won’t know brain damage up till another 3months sometimes up to 28weeks sometimes and as it is the brain that has extra fluid in, it’s not looking good.

I would feel cruel to bring your baby into the world knowing that they’re not going to have full health of all years of their life. It will be hard on my five-year-old as well.

That’s so many mixed emotions at the moment thank you so much for your support. It means the world. My partner is as good as he can be. He’s just worried about me and trying to be there. He’s brilliant really.

I have requested a scan at my preop tomorrow just to make sure things haven’t got better. You never know I wishful thinking but I couldn’t live with myself not knowing.

xx

This is heartbreaking for you and your family. So sorry you lost your daughter and concerns with your son. Sending much love. Only you know in your heart the choice you need to make for your family.

Possibly ask for statistics on likely brain damage regarding fluid? Could you ask for expert consultant in at next scan/after? Look to research on babies who have been in this situation and what outcome? Sorry if you already know this x