My sister had a miscarriage and now I'm pregnant

[anony29]

My identical twin sister had a miscarriage a few months ago at around 12 weeks. Her and her husband had been trying for a few months and we were all so excited and completely heartbroken for her. We have always been very close however she lives on the other side of the world so supporting her in this time was really challenging on all of us, especially her. However we spoke a lot over text and she was very open with me about how she was feeling. She recently came back to visit which was really nice and we were able to have some deep talks about what had happened.

She went back last week and last night I found out I was pregnant, I was not expecting it at all but me and my husband were hoping to start trying next year. If it wasn't for my sister I would be over the moon but I don't know how to feel and I don't want this news to set her back. She has expressed she's been finding it hard seeing people's baby announcements online, I'm hoping this will be different for her. I feel very lost and I'm not really sure what to do. I think I want to talk to her before anyone else but it would have to be over video call and I don't know how to say it. Any advice would be really appreciated.

I had a MC at 9 weeks after IVF. My sister was terrified to tell me she was actually pregnant just a few weeks later before she started to show. She drove all the way over in person to tell me.
NGL, it was hard. It really, really was painful. It was then especially hard when DN was then born on what would be my due date, but I felt awful that my poor sister had been scared to tell me.
I said all the right things, visited after the birth with gifts etc, but I did cry my eyes out many times in private or with DH.
You just have to say it, there is no easy way for either you to say it or for her to receive the news. It will get easier in time for her, her physical distance may help, but I would wait for her to ask about your pregnancy milestones rather than telling her and just take her lead on how comfortable she is discussing everything.
Congratulations, wishing you a happy pregnancy

Congratulations! I take it you are very early as you only found out so I would keep it to myself for now until the 12w scan. Once you know if the baby is ok at that stage then you can tell her. It's really difficult when you have MC and someone close to you gets pregnant/is pregnant and that happened to me too but I just had to take it as it's one of those things I had no control over and my time will come.

Firstly congratulations on your pregnancy🩷 My advice would be to tell your sister alone and allow her the opportunity to be happy for you. It will definitely be hard for her and yourself but she loves you & will want the best for you. I had my second miscarriage earlier this year and a week later my best friend told me she was pregnant. I was so happy for her but when i went home i did cry the rest of the night as I was really upset for myself. I am glad she told me really early on as she felt like she cud confide in me and trusted me and although a part of me wasnt ready to hear it, it really helped me by being on the journey with her whilst trying to deal and navigate through my own grief. Allow her the time and space to digest everything & have open communication with her. She may not want to speak about it on certain days, or may feel triggered by certain things so be mindful but also include her in things & dont expect too much i.e maybe her not wanting to attend baby showers, gender reveals (dont take any of it personal) again she would be protecting herself. Im sure being ur twin, she will want nothing but the best for you♥️