Two Miscarriages Now Losing my Relationship

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Looking for some advice or any similar stories. I've now had 2 missed miscarriages, one in February I thought I was 10 weeks but stopped growing at 8 weeks 💔 the second one in July I thought I was 8 weeks but stopped growing at 5/6 weeks 💔

After the first miscarriage myself and partner were very strong and came together and started trying right away, it made us stronger. This second one has been more challenging, my partner distanced himself and didn't tell anyone this time. I told a select few. The first one we shared with everyone after having a scan with heartbeat at 8 weeks.

Lately we have been arguing non stop and it all escalated when out for dinner last night and very personal things were said and now he wants a break and doesn't want to be with me 💔 I know I've probably not been in the best place, my body is still all over place. My first period was non existent basically brown spotting when I wiped so I'm so worried about that as my period was not normal at all.

Now I'm so worried my relationship is over and my chance for children is over. I'm 38 and my partner is 49 with 2 grown up children.

I feel so alone 💔 thanks for reading xx

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Different people can react differently and also can react differently each time. I lost three pregnancies and reacted differently to each.

Your hormones will still be very high. Have you explored getting therapy? I found it so useful processing my loss, and they’ll be able to help support you in deciding how you want to approach your relationship.

Has he given reasons why he wants a break? Or was it just in the context of the argument?

It’s a lot to be dealing with. Do you have people IRL to confide in?

Thanks so much @SagittariusUprising for reaching out I really appreciate it ❤️ I'm so sorry about your losses, its so heartbreaking to go through. Do you mind if I ask if you went on to have children? Please don't feel pressure to answer, I understand.

I was looking into therapy options tonight, it's quite expensive though. I've been reaching out to one via my work for over month now and still not had an assessment 😞 I feel its challenging to get support. I will keep trying as I think it would help.

I confided in my boss today, they were lovely and very supportive. I also spent time with my mum tonight who helped. I reach out to my partner to say I was here and it escalated into another massive argument 💔 I feel we are both so angry and we don't know why, I'm so sad because I really think it's now over after 4 years. So gutted feel overwhelmed with all the loss, I love my partner and can't believe we are now in this place 💔

Thanks so much again for reaching out I really appreciate it

I don't mind answering. We experienced the losses between our two boys, so we did go on to have another baby. Although the age gap was larger than we'd imagined, and I was older than I would have liked (42), I now can't imagine it being any other way. It was such a tough time, and that was experienced from the relatively privileged position of already having a child - I always appreciated how lucky I was to have him - and a partner who had my back.

It wasn't completely smooth sailing though. Different people react differently to grief - and anger can be a common symptom. We also weren't always on the same page about whether to continue. Luckily, we never wanted to give up at the same time, so we kept talking and ultimately kept going.

I imagine this situation must be triggering many fears for you, but it doesn't mean it's the end of the road. Our littlest is an IVF baby - and if it doesn't work out with your partner, maybe that's still a route for you?

Also, ask yourself whether your partner has struggled with supporting you through tough times in the past. Does he usually have your back? In this case, his reaction could be to feeling so out of control in his life, and he might need time to heal. Or does he often find it difficult when you need him? In this case, you might want to think about whether he would show up as a parent in the way you would like him to.

I hope you get the clarity you need from him. And, hopefully, you can find your way back to each other if that's what you both want.

I hope you have a rainbow in your future too, whatever path you take to find it. Wishing you all the best.