It was my first pregnancy. I wasn’t expecting it but I was over the moon when I found out. My partner was also excited too. We envisioned our lives with this baby, thought of names, theorised about whether it’d be a little boy or girl… I know I wasn’t that far along but it just feels like my baby was ripped cruelly from me.
It started out as a little bit of spotting, which I knew could be completely normal for a pregnancy. We went to the hospital anyway, and after doing tests on me they found that my womb was partly open which is a clear sign that a miscarriage is in progress. Then the bleeding started, not to be TMI but I could’ve easily filled up buckets of blood.
I had painful and intrusive tests at the hospital, which made me all the more distressed and upset. I couldn’t eat, sleep, breathe, I couldn’t even cry. Just completely shell shocked.
I ended up staying at the hospital for three days since the bleeding wouldn’t stop, I had to have an ultrasound and only when I saw my empty womb did I break down into floods of tears.
Leaving the hospital, I walked past many happy women walking to the antenatal clinic with their maternity notes, looking as happy as ever. This just made me feel worse. Of course, I truly wish them all happy and healthy pregnancies. I hope none of them go through what I just did. But all I could think was why me??
Sorry for the rant guys. I’m just truly devastated and traumatised by the whole ordeal. I’m grieving my baby and hopefully my next pregnancy, whenever that may be, goes well. I just needed to dump my thoughts and experience here in the hopes someone might have some kind words for me at this time. Thanks :)