I conceived via IVF last month and miscarried yesterday at 6 weeks and 5 days, alone at home while my partner was at work and my children were in childcare (thank god). I had a scan and the baby was looking perfect, with heartbeat, after initial high betas.
This was a potential third child, and I feel guilty feeling so lost when I have two wonderful children. Initially I awfully felt a sense of relief as I had been spotting and obsessing all week, and now the pain of it is starting to sink in. The process is reminding me of my father's death, the finality of it all feels hard to bear.
All day I have been telling myself maybe I wouldn't want a third child, but I feel this is to try to avoid the sadness. We have two embryos left but they are the lowest quality, my partner is against doing another cycle, so this is it, my fertile years potentially ending at 34. The cost and the stress of doing two more transfers is hard to think about, and if they don't work, I think I will feel so lost.
I'm feeling so entitled and greedy even writing this, but I wonder if anyone feels the same. I'm obsessing over whether it is something I did, because the signs were looking so good.