Trying for 2.5 years and first positive is MMC

[carnation2531]

Hi everyone

I've just got so many emotions. We have been trying since 2021 and undergoing fertility treatment since early 2023.

In June we did our first IUI and because of the low success rates I didn't have much hope but I got my first ever positive pregnancy test. Then I went for my 7 week scan at the fertility clinic yesterday and there's no baby. In fact there was potentially evidence of two sacs which would make sense I had two follicles growing so it could've been twins.

I'm just so sad and angry about the unfairness of it all. I've been lapped/overtaken by other people I know struggling whose children are now approaching their first birthdays. I don't have much of a female support network - my mum and both grandmas have gone. My husband is lovely and so supportive but I'm just so desperately sad.

I’m so sorry to hear this. I have been there and it’s awful. Life feels like it’s so cruel sometimes.

It’s so easy to spiral to the worst case scenario. In my case I was forty and thought I’d lost my chance. I really spiralled and what helped was remembering that no one can predict the future and these thoughts are fears, not facts.

I now have a five year old, conceived two months after my MMC. He came slightly later than my friends kids but he is so spoilt and loved by them all - he loves being the baby of the bunch. My OB told me that your uterus has a memory and is more ‘match fit’ for what to do next time. No idea if it’s true but it seemed to be in my case.

I just tried to focus on one small nice thing for myself a day. Nice walk, chat with a friend, slice of fancy cake - anything to make yourself feel cared for.

Carnation 2532 Ahhh, I hate the world sometimes!! I just don’t get why these horribly sad things happen. I empathise with you, 1 MMC and a chemical fir me but it didn’t take so long.
Situations where friends/family/colleagues are getting pregnant/having babies is so difficult, I know. Haven’t really got the words to describe the feeling but it isn’t good!
So sorry this has happened to you and wanted to let you know that you have massive virtual support from us on here. Sending you a virtual hug.

Hi OP, I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. I don’t have experience with fertility treatment but I know that heart sinking feeling of turning up to a scan for them to say there’s no heartbeat. I’ve had 2 MMC, both between 6-7 weeks and 2 chemical pregnancies. All I can say is be kind to yourself, don’t rush to “get back to normal” give your body and your heart time, but most of all don’t give up hope. I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant, which is the furthest I’ve ever gotten. There were times I nearly gave up and just said it wasn’t meant to be. Take care of yourself and talk about your feelings x

I'm so sorry for your loss - my first pregnancy was an MMC after 2.5 years of trying too, it was horrific. I felt like the world was caving in on me.

Make sure you allow yourself time to grieve. I've found therapy has been a really great outlet for me too, a completely judgement free zone. Sending lots of hugs your way, it really is totally unfair how TTC can be so cruel to some of us xx

Thank you to everyone for your kind messages. Luckily I planned a therapy appointment for my scan day. Maybe I thought subconsciously that it would be a bad outcome.

Life's just so unfair, it doesn't care whether I deserve it or I didn't do anything wrong.