Don't know how to feel

[Jiffner86]

Hi everyone, just got back from the hospital from what should have been the 12 week dating scan, instead me and my fiance have just learned that the fetus died around 8 weeks, it wasn't the size it should have been, it had no heartbeat..I am heartbroken.

I had a misscarriage in January so this is all very dissheartening for me. I have a 2 and half year old son and I don't have issues getting pregnant, I just don't understand why this is happening. I am a worrier as it is and I am blaming myself, I am wondering if it's my age (38) that there is something wrong with me and mt hormones.

I have 4 options, naturally let me misscarry, tablet, suction or surgey, does anyone have infornation on what any of these are like and gone through any one of them?

You poor thing. Sorry I have nothing to help but didn’t want to read and run

I appreciate your kind words.

I almost wish they didn't give you the choice because it's such an impossible choice when no one knows how you are going to manage. Did things pass naturally for you last time?

I had very similar gestation to you but thankfully as soon as I had the scan I started spotting. I got quite upset about having everything still in but there no longer being a heart beat so I booked a surgical management for the week after. In the weekend after bleeding increased and I passed everything naturally and was able to use my appointment for another scan to make sure there was nothing left. My friend was similar dates and opted for medical but had a tough time with pain and bleeding and then a few weeks later she needed the surgical procedure anyway as not everything had passed.

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's such a horrible experience, rest up plenty 💙 my friend who had MC at the same time as me had two miscarriages and had all the testing but there was nothing found so they decided to try again and now have a lovely wee boy.

I much preferred the surgical procedure. No pain, minimal bleeding. I have had 2 surgical now and both went really well.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had 3 missed miscarriages and the first was such a shock, similar to yourself I had no clue anything was wrong. I have had surgical management all 3 times as I didn't want to miscarry at home if I didn't have to - I prefer to separate the physical and emotional, and felt it allowed me to process my grief better as I could switch to emotional recovery as soon as the surgery was over xx

I wasn’t given a choice when I had a MMC in Switzerland- surgery. It felt like the best option anyway because the physical part is all done in one go.

I'm so sorry sorry. Reading your message just took me back to when it happened to me in February. Same as you, 12 week scan and baby measuring 8. It is a truly awful experience. I opted for the surgical management and I'm glad I did, I couldn't face medical management as I had a then 2 year old who's now 3. Feel free to message if you'd like. It's a heartbreaking experience especially when there are no signs anything is wrong and you just feel completely blindsided. 🩷

I am not sure I want to go down the surgical route, my son was a c section and I am scared of the idea of surgery. I was wondering about the suction method for myself.

@Jiffner86 Sorry I was unclear, the MVA suction is considered the surgical method in my trust for that gestation. My friend had it, she got gas an air and felt really well looked after and was home after a couple hours and bleeding stopped within a few days had negative effects and successfully conceived and went to term about 6 months after it.

@Jiffner86 what part of the surgery worries you? I only ask as I've now had 5 surgeries in total under general anaesthetic and wonder if I could help ease any fears x

Thats reassuring to know. Thank you

I think being put under and being cut open worries me

So sorry for your loss OP, be kind to yourself as you try to process it all. I’ve had 2 mc, with both I had RPOC so initially tried medical management but that didn’t work so ended up having surgery. I had the surgery under GA both times, the latest I had just this Tuesday and by Thursday evening I was feeling back to myself, minimal bleeding. Both times I had surgery they were absolutely fine. I wish you the best whichever option you choose 💐

@Jiffner86 you don't get cut open, hopefully that makes you feel a little better. Also being put under feels a bit weird but you fall asleep really quickly and wake up in recovery being looked after. It's like a deep sleep, and I always wake up feeling weirdly refreshed.

I would like to say how sorry I am for your loss. I agree with what Jellyfish2 has said above. It takes me back to my own MMC, 12 weeks measuring 6, in the Autumn of last year. I also recently had a chemical pregnancy so I am hoping for better luck in the future.
I had surgical management for my MMC. It was very quick. I had no bleeding afterwards, just a bit of cramping for a week or so. To be honest, it was the psychological aspect that was worse. I couldn't believe that what I thought was a pregnancy going well actually had already ended. That is something we all have to cope with and there are quite a lot of us who have experienced this it seems. You are with a good support team on here and not alone. Whatever you decide to do to manage your loss I wish you a good recovery.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

here’s my story and then hopefully it can help you make a decision as we seem quite similar.

im 38 too with a 3 year old who was born via c section. In March 2023 I had a second trimester loss where I needed to deliver and bury my baby. I laboured and had contractions and bled and felt all of the pain both physically and mentally through it all. Fast forward to March this year I went to my 12 week scan to find my baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks. Like you I was given all of the options. I decided that I didn’t want to be at home having a miscarriage know that there would be some kind of contractions some kind of pain not knowing how long or when it would be with a thre year old. So I opted for surgery so I had some control and also to protect myself. I went down was put asleep they went via my cervix did what they needed to did and then I woke up. Pain and bleeding was minimal after and I healed emotionally quite quickly because there was no daily reminder. I would chose the option again if I needed too. Be kind to yourself and I hope your partner is ok, it’s so tough on them.

Hi OP, how are you doing now? I had surgical management in December, I chose that route because it was the week before Christmas and I have a 3 year old, and I was worried about letting it happen naturally and then being unwell over Christmas for my little one.

I was terrified about surgery but it was absolutely fine. I’m not sure where you’re at now with your decision but happy to share more detail about it if that would help.

I’m currently going through a second miscarriage which seems to be happening naturally but if it comes to it I wouldn’t be against the surgery again as it almost felt like I had more control x

Hi, I opted for medical management, I went in last week for it. I chose to stay in as a patient and have my mum with me for support. I ended up bleeding a bit too heavy so the nurses have to examine me and sweep the pregnancy sac out of me asap, I had a cannula inserted just in case..it was quite scary to be honest. I am going back today to check if all the tissue has been removed, as I passed a large clot yesterday after a few days of just a light bleed. I am sorry to hear of your second miscarriage, this was my second one, I am giving my body a break now before I try again.