When do I give up? I'm breaking!

[herewegoagain123456]

So I've had 3 missed miscarriages in a row and I'm pretty sure I'm going through my 4th.
No symptoms, no heartbeat at scan yesterday.

So my question is when do I give up? Like how many times do people put themselves through this? I'm honestly not sure I can do this again!

I'm so sorry for your loss. I gave up when I had a ectopic, but I already had a family. I had so many miscarriages and in the end my whole life was about getting pregnant then I'd be prepared to loose the baby before it even happened. They were all at different stages and was never a medical reason. I got selfish with it all and never thought about what I was putting my dh through. Luckily we came to terms with it and we slowly learnt to move on as a family. Before you decided what to do try to see if you can speak to someone about your losses.

Are you under the care of a doctor regarding your recurrent miscarriages? There might be an underlying reason for why you’re losing your babies, one that is easily rectified.

I am so sorry for your losses. Condolences 💐

Yea I was meant to have an appointment this week but they cancelled it.

Last time was chromosome abnormality and that's the only one they've tested so far. But 4 times in a row now. Maybe it's not meant to happen

Oh bless you, I'm so sorry this is happening. We've had 3 miscarriages (no live babies) and I was ready to give up after the third, but now we've had a bit of a break I'm feeling a lot better about trying again.

I think it is important you have the investigations done. You can ask your GP to do some blood tests while you're awaiting the clinic appointment, so at least you're doing something. I think you have to wait 6 weeks after any pregnancy loss, but these are the ones my GP did on advice of the EPU consultant after our 2nd loss:

1. FSH
2. LH
3. Oestradiol
4. Testosterone
5. Prolactin
6. HbA1c (diabetes test)
7. Thyroid function tests (including T3, T4 + TSH)
8. Thyroid peroxidase antibodies
9. Antiphospholipid screen (anti-phospholipid antibodies, anti-cardiolipin antibiodies + anti- beta 2 glycoprotein antibodies) - these need to be done at the hospital phlebotomy department not by the GP nurse as they have to be processed within 2h of the sample, I had to get mine repeated as got my first lot done at the GP and they were rejected. The GP requests them and then you make an appointment with the hospital to have the bloods taken.

The GP was a bit hesitant about doing them, but when I pushed she did it, so it saved waiting until the clinic appointment. Then you need to get a 3D ultrasound scan, but that might need to wait until you're seen in the recurrent miscarriage clinic. I would take that list to your GP and say your clinic appt got cancelled, please can they do these while you're waiting. If you don't take the list, most GPs probably don't know which bloods to order.

I'm so sorry it is SO pants. Have you been listening to miscarriage podcasts? I don't listen much but "the worst girl gang ever" made me feel a lot better about it all when I've listened to 2 or 3 of those.

Also if you do want to start trying again, there's a book called "It starts with the egg" which has loads of advice on lifestyle/supplements/investigations etc. I'm not sure it's quite the miracle cure it claims to be (I honestly am expecting to fall pregnant with triplets any day now from the amount it claims to improve your egg quality), but it feels good to be doing SOMETHING positive. And actually even if we don't get a baby, at least we are SUPER healthy now!

But... having said all of that, you're right in the thick of it now waiting for scans (honestly the WORST part of all this in my opinion) and I think you need a proper break from everything and then see how you feel in a few months time.

Sending lots of love and support. Feel free to PM if you want to rant about it all xxx

Thankyou so much for this.

So I did have a couple of blood tests that the pregnancy clinic recommended I had. Haven't heard anything about the results yet though? As that was the appointment that was cancelled and nope, they didn't re arrange just cancelled.

We were waiting to try again for a few months after the last one to get some answers and then stupidly got carried away once and now I'm pregnant again.
Super fertile just can't keep them alive.

So if this one hasn't got a heartbeat at the next scan we will wait till after our wedding in 2026, just worried as age isn't on my side so feel complications will be worse then.

Yes I deffo agree that this waiting is the worst but. Glimmer of hope yet no hope at all at the same time.

@herewegoagain123456 I'm so sorry you're in the worst club ever. I've had 3 losses no children. Had all the tests, nothing is wrong apparently that is causing them, I'm just unlucky. Only test we're waiting on is genetic testing from the most recent loss that will probably be another 6 weeks until we hear back.

It sucks not having anything to "fix" and knowing we have to just try again and just prepare for the worst, hope for the best. I'm currently waiting for my period to come back after my most recent surgical management (that one took 9 months to conceive), so stuck in limbo. I feel so angry. If we have another loss (if we conceive again) then there will definitely be serious discussions over how much I can actually put myself through. My partner has acknowledged it doesn't impact him anywhere near as much as it does me, he's more looking at the outcome so he would just keep trying if it was up to him.

I gave up after 5 miscarriages and 2 failed embryo transfers, but I was over 40, going through IVF solo, and out of embryos at that point so it was my line in the sand from the start.

Two of mine were tested, one had a chromosome abnormality, but the other was perfect. Never did find out why I couldn’t keep them alive past 10 weeks, which I’ve had to just get used to and that’s pretty tough.

Sending love and ‘not alone’ type thoughts to OP and everyone else on the thread 💕

Everyone is so different and I guess it depends on how much you can cope with. I had 2 mcs in between my 2 girls so I really empathise. My friend had 11 after her first and she then took aspirin and went on to have 2 babies afterwards (she already had one). My other friend had 5 losses in between her 2 boys, never found out why. Nothing to advise but just to say I remember how I felt and I’m so sorry you are in such an awful position. Take care xxx

Did they say why it was cancelled? You should phone them up and get it rebooked. I would phone the hospital switchboard (the main hospital number you find on google) and ask to speak to the "gynaecology secretary" or the secretary of your named consultant from the clinic letter. Explain your appointment got cancelled and you haven't been rebooked and they should either be able to sort it out for you, or give you the number of whoever can sort out rebooking you.

And then in the mean time get those bloods done by the GP, so if something does come up on them you can discuss it at the 1st appointment instead of having to wait even more months for the follow up.

But hopefully none of this will be necessary and it'll be good news at the next scan :D How many weeks are you? Sending positive thoughts :)

In reply to the 'how much can we take' side of the post, it is SUCH a good question. After our 2nd miscarriage I read a book about a lady who'd had 6 and I remember saying to my husband "how could you keep going that many times?!" 2 seemed awful enough. But now we've had 3, I feel like I've got the energy for a couple more pregnancies. I actually first joined mumsnet because I wanted to read about people's experiences of adoption. We are still considering that, but think we'll try another pregnancy or two first. Is adoption something you guys would consider?

So sorry your going through the same thing. It really is cruel. I've had to have surgical management each time and it's just exhausting.
So glad your partner has acknowledged that it doesn't impact him as much. Um not sure mine has as your right all he sees is the outcome. But for me it's putting my whole life on hold for something that doesn't work each time. It's a mental battle.
I told him last night that another symptom has gone and he was like "can you stop telling me please as it makes me upset" when I then said to him "I'm glad he can just try and forget but it's me it's happening to I can't just forget" I think he realized.

If it doesn't work this time I think I will have to give it a couple of years, no matter if I'm too old then. For my own sanity if nothing else.

Thankyou and sorry for all your losses xx

Thankyou xx

Nope no reason! That's a good idea I will do that after I have found out about this pregnancy.
I'm not really sure how far gone I am, wasn't tracking my periods as was trying to switch off. (If you actually ever can) So when I went for my scan the sac was measuring 6weeks but couldn't see a baby. So who knows. And with no symptoms again I'm not hopeful at all

That sounds unfair that he expects you to deal with what's happening physically without being able to talk to him about it, I'm sorry. As if it's not upsetting you! 😔

Do what you need to to protect your sanity. I am more and more leaning towards stopping TTC and going down the adoption route if we were to have a 4th loss. Some women can have 10+ miscarriages, but I can't. I can't spend my life wondering if my next pregnancy will be a loss. Adoption is its own version of hard but it's a paperwork process with defined steps, which would help me feel more comfortable knowing what step was coming next.

I had 5 miscarriages and NHS couldn't find a reason. I eventually went to the reoccurring miscarriage clinic in Epsom. Expensive but worth every penny. They found out I had a autoimmune condition that meant my body was confused and attacking the pregnancy each time thinking it was a bad thing in my body. First course of treatment of steroids and a cocktail of other drugs and I'm holding my 5 week old now. Sorry for all your losses. It really is the hardest thing in the world to deal with. Xx

Yea I feel maybe one more try after this one and then I'm done.
I do already have 2 boys from a previous relationship. So maybe a little easier for me. But still devastated I can't give my partner what he really wants

So nice to hear a positive 😍

I’m sorry your going through this.
Have you had your progesterone levels tested? I’ve read a lot of positive stories of people taking progesterone and finally having sticky baby after numerous miscarriages. A lot of them couldn’t get past 10weeks but then with the progesterone they finally got there x

I'm taking progesterone twice a day now. Started getting sickness and now I'm bleeding so think I'm loosing it naturally now anyway 😫

I’m so sorry 😔 It’s such a hard and sometimes lonely journey.
I’ve just got over my 3rd miscarriage. I have 2 boys but took me 4 years to have my first and 2 years for second. Currently trying for our 3rd, but had 2 miscarriages in 9months. I’m thinking of asking for the progesterone and aspirin next time to see if that helps 🤞🏻