Missed miscarriage. What should I expect?

[CJHR18]

Little bit of a background. This is my first pregnancy after 3 years of trying and failed ovulation induction attempts. I've been on/off diagnosed with PCOS since a teenager. I'm a healthy weight, BMI 19 and have no hormonal imbalances. Although I do have a high AMH, which led to my consultant thinking (again) that I have PCOS.

We were just about to start IUI, but I fell pregnant naturally with our little miracle baby. I had a few shoulder pains early on in the pregnancy, and I was initially classed as having a PUL. Fast forward to 19/05/2024 when I had my first scan and we saw baby in the right place and their little heartbeat. 24/05/2024 I had a routine 8 week scan with the fertility clinic and I was told the baby had no heart beat and it was likely that it had stopped the day after the first scan.

I did have all three options explained to me, but at the time I was genuinely too upset to even comprehend what the nurse was even saying. She has left me a week to think about things.

So here I am, sat at home waiting. I've noticed that I am getting a large amount of white paste like discharge. Is this normal?

To make things worse, we found out I was pregnant the day we got the keys to our first home. I've been over today and now I absolutely despise the place.

I'm super close with my mam. She went on holiday the day of my scan. I have guilt from lying to her as I told her the scan went OK. I just can't bear to tell her and spoil her holiday. Realistically there is nothing she can do...

I'm just feeling so sad. I've had people say "well atleast you know you can't get pregnant" and "it wasn't a baby yet".

I literally just feel sick to my stomach knowing that I'm walking around with my poor dead baby inside of me and my body still won't recognise that I'm not pregnant anymore.

@CJHR18 I’m so sorry for your loss. A MMC is an awful thing to go through and I completely relate to everything you’re saying. It does get easier, I promise. I’ve had two MMC and I have PCOS as well. In terms of what to expect - my first MMC I had medical management and the second happened naturally whilst I was trying to work out what to do. Medical management for me was fine, painful, more so than the natural miscarriage, but manageable. I did however have retained products with the medical management which was distressing and meant the whole thing went on for a really long time, and that was the big negative for me. My EPU were very supportive and led by me, so if you need time to think, they’re usually very supportive of that and mine just agreed to call me back to check up on me after a couple of days and discuss options when I was ready. Take your time and call them whenever you need to.

Also, I’m really sorry people have made thoughtless comments about your miscarriage. I tried to tell myself they meant well and if I felt able I would tell them when their comments weren’t helpful. It’s very hard but I have found people on these threads an incredible support, and they really understand. I hope your mam is back from holiday soon. Sometimes you just need your mum, I did mine. I hope you’ve got some good support in the meantime until she gets back

Thank you so much for your kind words. I've seen the same EPU nurse throughout my visits and she has been so kind. She's arranged an appointment for next Tuesday and made sure that she was working that day.

I think I am now leaning more towards the medical management. The sitting around waiting for it to happen is agonising. I feel like I will be able to have some closure and move on then.

It has been a very distressing time and I have truly found comfort in the support of kind strangers on the Internet. My OH has been extremely supportive, but as you say sometimes all you need is your mam!

So sorry for your loss @CJHR18
I’ve had similar comments like at least you can get pregnant. And that it means there was something wrong with the baby so wasn’t meant to be. Yeah, but I didn’t want there to be anything wrong with it?!
I’ve had both medical & surgical. I won’t lie I found the pain of surgical pretty awful. I wasn’t expecting it to feel like I guess what labour must feel like. But I had no retained products & recovered quickly. Surgical has also been straight forward and fine x

It really doesn't help does it? I'm so sorry that you have been through this twice.

I've honestly never felt heartache like it before. You plan your whole future around this little miracle that you've never met, but love so so much.

I'm pretty torn about what route to chose. I had thought about letting the miscarriage pass on its own, but I genuinely think it's prolonging the heartache.

@CJHR18 it really doesn’t help! Many times I’ve had at least you can get pregnant, but doesn’t really mean anything to me until I can carry a pregnancy. The heartache is just awful. I have reached out to a counsellor at the hospital in the hope that will help.
Sorry I made a typo, I meant the pain of medical was hard. Surgical I had minimal pain. And I was asleep so no trauma around it. Whatever you choose it will be a difficult situation, so go with your gut x

Thank you so much.

I think I'm going to opt for surgical. I have other medical conditions, so they wanted me to do medical management as an inpatient. I think it's such a sensitive and personal situation, I would hate to have to share that with others on a ward.

Again, I also couldn't do it at home. I couldn't bring my self to simply flush what should have been my future down the toilet.

I really hope that the counselling works out for you. If you ever need someone to chat too or a virtual shoulder to cry on, I'm always here. Xx