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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Again at 5 weeks! So depressed.

16 replies

BITCAT · 09/04/2008 14:09

I really dont know how to feel, tired, fed up, tbh i feel numb!
This is the 4th time now, i feel someone got it in for me and i'm just not ment to have anymore children.
Although this time it wasnt planned i still feel numb, just been n had a d&c, got back home at 12...bleeding really badly this time..i just wish i knew why?
Why me?

OP posts:

missingtheaction · 09/04/2008 14:09

(((hugs))) so sorry

Original poster

BITCAT · 09/04/2008 14:14

Thanx..its a shitty life..all i think about now is babies and cant even face my friend..whos just given birth! I feel so selfish..its not her fault but i just dont feel i can be near a baby at the moment!! I'm a terrible friend.
Dp doesnt understand why im so upset, he says it wasnt really a baby yet, maybe so but as soon as i knew i was pregnant to me it was! Does that make any sense or am i just waffling.

OP posts:

cazcaz · 09/04/2008 14:43

It makes perfect sense to me bitcat. I'm going through a miscarriage at them moment too. Was also five weeks, and feel so empty, which I can't help feeling silly about as only known about being pregnant for just a few days.

I'm not sure whether or not I should go and see a doctor or just let my body deal with it. I was bleeding quite heavily during the night but it's nearly stopped now.

So, so for you that this happened again and I am sure you are not a terrible friend just a very upset one.

Take care and get lots of rest. X

ClairePO · 09/04/2008 14:45

I'm very sorry BITCAT and cazcaz

nervousal · 09/04/2008 14:46

hugs to you pet. I've had 2 mcs - so have an idea of what you are going through. With me I think it was the loss of what could have been which was tough - it didn't matter that what I actually lost was "only" an embryo/foetus/whatever - what I had lost was the chance to have a baby in 7 months time.

Take care of yourself

Original poster

BITCAT · 09/04/2008 15:13

Thank you everyone, and big love to ya cazcaz! Fat chance of rest in my house, ive four kids about to come in, all being very hungary, i'm glad i didnt say anything about my having a baby to them...no need for them to be upset too!! they have already been through it once with me.

OP posts:

Julezboo · 09/04/2008 15:58

bitcat and cazcaz - Im sorry your going through this again

7th time for me, had my ERPC on the 31st, still bleeding pretty heavy.

Original poster

BITCAT · 09/04/2008 21:31

Julezboo, 7th time that makes my situation much less of a drama compared to you!! Bless you and i am sorry for you...hugs to ya.
Do have a good support network for you?
I feel my dp really doesnt understand me and my friends are trying but not really getting it. I am considering sterilisation, as i dont think i can do it anymore, i am so moody and its not fair on everyone else.
I am in agony this time too! I ve had to send dp to chemist to get some painkillers

OP posts:

worrybum · 09/04/2008 21:39

for you Bitcat, too and youcazcaz and julezboo. 4 times for me too , it really is the pits isn't it? MN was a great support for me at the time though. People don't understand unless they have been through it themselves and I don't have easy access to any support groups and to be honest don't think I would feel comfortable going. Feel free to have a cry on virtual shoulders here x

worrybum · 09/04/2008 21:40

sorry that should have read ' and you too' don't know what happened to post there

Original poster

BITCAT · 09/04/2008 21:47

worrybum its just so frustating, i mean if i knew why i could maybe accept it. Its like i'm being punished or something..or maybe i'm just too old!! I dont know im just waffling and trying to come up with reasons why.
How do you deal with it? I go into myself and just get depressed for mths..i dont go out or socialise with people..dp is useless..thinks im making a mountain out of it. Sorry for you too and then i have the idiots that say but you should be happy with what you have..you already have 4 beautiful children..so that makes it ok then? Doesnt make it any easier believe me..sorry im ranting now..ignore me!! Im a selfish cow..i know im not the only person going through this.

OP posts:

worrybum · 09/04/2008 22:06

Firstly, you are not selfish and what you are feeling is normal and understandable under the circumstances so stop beating yourself up more, you have enough to deal with at the moment so give yourself a break. Please, seriously, how can you possibly expect to deal with all these emotions if you add guilt to the equation when you have nothing to feel guilty about?

I know you probably feel very alone right now but there are people who know what you are dealing with. I've said this to people before but miscarriage is a very personal grief that is not easy for others to understand because the pregnancy is not as real for them as it is for you IYSWIM. Have you tried sitting down with dp and telling him how you really feel?

Having children already doesn't make any difference if you ask me. I have dd (8) and if anything it makes me more aware of what I am missing out on.

I have been through phases of depression, avoiding friends/family who are expecting/have not long had babies, felt mega depressed around due date of last pregnancy. I have been referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic and am trying to stay positive. Hope that one day I will have another dc and sibling for dd . Have you been referred for any tests? you should be given your number of losses.

(((((Hugs))))))

Original poster

BITCAT · 09/04/2008 22:21

Ive had various tests and have lost a fallopian tube due to an infection. Ive had scans, swabs taken..they cant seem to give me any answers..ive had cysts removed..lots of problems in the last year but none that they seem to think is causing the miscarriages! Thank you for your kind words and support..i do appreciate it.

OP posts:

worrybum · 09/04/2008 22:35

hey, don't mention it, isn't that what Mumsnet is for? Let me know how you are getting on. Why don't you sit down with dp tonight and have a chat? Tell him that you understand that he is likely to feel a bit differently than you do but that you want him to try to to understand how you feel and that you need his support. My due date would have been a few weeks ago and I was feeling really down, dh didn't really understand why until we had heart to heart and he was quite surprised to find how emotional I still was about it all. We'd just simply got out of the habit of talking properly about it and had just been presuming that we each knew how the other was feeling.

EmmaKn · 11/04/2008 13:45

I think each women's experience is a bit different - at the time of my first miscarriage (14 yrs ago) I was very sad and grieved, but recovered emotionally relatively quickly as i thought I'd get pregnant again fairly shortly - but when that didn't happen, the lost baby became more and more important. And i did get to the point where I thought I would be childless. But the next miscarriage happened after two successful Pgs; and I can tell you when we light candles for their souls, it makes a huge difference to have my two children with me. It doesn't take away the losses, but it does mean that you don't also have to deal with the grief of childlessness too.

Julezboo · 11/04/2008 13:55

bitcat - 1,2, 3 or more, doesnt make any more or less agonising to go through.

I thought I did have a good suuport network then one by one yesterday they let me down, I flipped, shouted at DP, my friends, my mum, even screamed at the doctors last night mid internal

How are you feeling today?

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