Should I send flowers?

[BoyMum313]

My DSIL had a miscarriage at around 8 weeks, and we are coming up to the anniversary of what would have been around the due date. Both her & my brother were extremely excited as this was their first & gave us all baby grows to announce to close family they were expecting, but sadly miscarried shortly after.

She fell pregnant quite quickly after and is now expecting another baby and they are of course very focused on the getting everything ready for baby’s arrival in a couple of months.

I wanted to let them know I was thinking of them & that I hadn’t forgotten about their first pregnancy, but didn’t know what the right thing to do was. My DH thinks I shouldn’t send something. I’ve never experienced a MC.

I’d be very grateful for any advice.

I think it’s extremely thoughtful of you, but I don’t think you need to. My sister and close friend sent me care packages in the immediate days after my MC, which I really appreciated, but I don’t think I would have wanted to be reminded of the potential due date really after I had processed it, especially if I was expecting again. Miscarriages are awful but really common and the fact they are expecting again has probably helped them move on and they have processed the initial loss and are now focused on their new arrival . I would just keep checking in to see how they are doing, as a pregnancy after miscarriage is likely to have more anxiety around it. They are lucky to have you as a support.

No. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks and was pregnant again soon after. I had some flowers and chocolate sent when I had the miscarriage which was really nice but I'd have thought it pretty odd if anyone sent me something for the anniversary. Especially when I had a baby very nearly due.

I wouldn't mention it at all.

You sound so thoughtful OP but I'd agree with the others that flowers aren't necessary at this point.

I've been in a similar position as your SIL and was pregnant again by the time the due date of our miscarriage came round. I wouldn't have expected flowers but friends and family did text/message to let us know they were thinking of us which was really appreciated.

It's very thoughtful of you but no I wouldn't (and had several miscarriages) x

Thank you all so much for coming back to me, it really is greatly appreciated and I will take all of your advice onboard. I’m sorry for each of your losses xx

I would counter argue that. I lost a baby at 16 weeks last year. Like others have said in the initial aftermath it was the love that I had been surrounded by that got me through. You don’t ever forget your due date though, no matter how many weeks you were pregnant when you lose your baby. On my due date I didn’t know what to do with myself. Then out of the blue a lovely bouquet of flowers was delivered from my sister and brother, and my heart swelled with love all over again. My baby hadn’t been forgotten and that meant everything to me. It is coming from a place of love and thoughtfulness and they will understand that

I definitely wouldn't send flowers. What use will flowers be to her when she was thinking she'd be having a baby on that date.

I'd play it by ear see if she posts anything on social media or something and if she does then send a text otherwise leave it.

I agree with this, I think only one person remembered my original due date and messaged me and it was so appreciated. I don’t think my partner even remembered or at least he never mentioned it.

just confused whether this is going to be the actual due date or the anniversary of the due date? If the anniversary I probably wouldn’t as it’s quite a long time ago.

You don’t ever forget your due date though, no matter how many weeks you were pregnant when you lose your baby.

I remember my miscarriages, but I have no idea what any of the due dates would have been. I also had a routine miscarriage at 7 weeks in my first pregnancy and then conceived again a couple of months later, and honestly by the time whatever the due date of the first pregnancy would have been had rolled around I wasn't thinking about it at all.

I agree with PP who say don't send flowers.

I just want to say how thoughtful that is of you. I had a MMC a few months ago and out the blue last week got a beautiful ring which goes by how many weeks gestation you were (so mine is a little silver kidney bean). I cried so much when I received it because although I think about that lost baby everyday, it's like everyone else has forgotten yet that family member sent that with a note saying she was thinking of us.
I'm not sure how I'd feel if I were pregnant again but I think it's a lovely idea.

This! My friend fell pregnant in the second cycle following her MC and still remembers her due date which was 3 years ago.

That’s so nice of you but i wouldnt if I were you. I’ve had a mmc in the past and If I was pregnant now I definitely would not want to be reminded of it.

It’s such a lovely thought, but I agree with others I wouldn’t send flowers. My first pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage, I fell pregnant with DD a few months later so was pregnant when I reached my due date and felt so incredibly conflicted mourning the loss of our first baby whilst carrying our second. DD’s due date was originally the anniversary of my miscarriage, which felt weirdly serendipitous. Thankfully she came early as I was terrified of dealing with the first anniversary of our loss at the same time as welcoming our first born into the world.

I don't make a special moment (don't know how to describe it) out of the miscarriages I had at 4, 7 or 9 weeks, however the one I had at 16 weeks (I had to go into hospital to have the baby) I do think about it on the anniversary that day every year and what her due date was, but I don't expect anyone else to, I think it would be a bit weird if they did.

I’d ask your son OP, he knows her best. It’s very very thoughtful that you’re thinking about her and I’m sure ( well I would ) that she would appreciate you caring about her.

All women are different so ask your son x

I had a pregnancy loss this year and my due date would be coming up. If I receive flowers I would really appreciate it, it would make it feel remembered. So I disagree with most comments and think it's a lovely idea.

Its a nice thought and of course everyone is different but I HATED getting flowers when I had a MC.