Low Confidence and Resilience After Loss

[tryingtoholdittogether1]

Hi 👋🏻

Long time reader but first time poster. I can’t seem to find anyone in a similar position to me so wanted to see if anyone has experienced what I am currently going through.

I (30F) fell pregnant unexpectedly in December 2023 with my fiancé (30M). We were planning on starting to try in but nature had other plans. We were overjoyed as this would be our first.

Fast forward to January 24 and I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. The hospital were brilliant and I took a week off work to recover after letting it happen naturally. I am blessed with a very supportive fiancé who really helped me through this difficult time.

I thought I was okay and was coping. However, after 6 weeks of being back at work I was struggling with catastrophizing everything I did. Any minor mistake and I was spiraling and I could not do my job anymore. I was advised by my doctor to go off work for around 6 weeks and diagnosed with depression (I already have anxiety and have done for years. However, I’ve never had depression. It’s only now I truly understand what this means and it’s horrible). I am currently undergoing CBT to help.

I am now back at work and they have been incredibly supportive. I honestly couldn’t wish for a better team. However, I’ve found myself with incredibly low confidence. I’m sitting and checking things multiple times and if I make a really minor mistake I’m having panic attacks and feeling sick despite being told it doesn’t matter (I’m not in a life or death job). I just don’t feel good enough anymore.

Prior to the miscarriage I didn’t have these intense feelings. I love my job and want to go back to how I felt before all of this happened. I’m really struggling.

Has anyone else felt like this?

Thank you xx

I am with you on this one! I have just experienced my 2nd MMC in 6 months. I am currently seeing a therapist and actually described to her on Tuesday a very similar situation I am finding myself in as you. My anxiety is heightened, I find the simplest tasks at work difficult, I am more paranoid and catastrophise the littlest thing in my mind. I know these thoughts are unreasonable but cannot seem to pull myself out of it like I normally could. Mine seems to seep into work but also with my Partner. This happened after my 1st MC and I am experiencing the same now after my 2nd. They did ease after my 1st, I think therapy definitely helped.
I couldn't say what the exact cause is, perhaps it's hormones?
After some reflection I believe it also has something to do with feeling like I failed by miscarrying. It's knocked the confidence I had in my body. It's knocked my confidence in myself. As a result, when I now feel like I am failing in other areas of my life, it feels 10x worst. As if these other things just prove to me that I am a failure. I feel in my case it's an insecurity around the miscarriage that has projected itself into other areas of my life.
I felt like I dealt with the miscarriages themselves quite well at the time but I am also quite good at masking being OK! And as a result these thoughts seem to come out of nowhere. Like a delayed response.
Of course, I am not saying that any of these things could be the reason you are feeling this way! Its just my own personal experience and having taken the time to try and work out why, this is the reason I have come to for myself.
I am still working on this and trying to be kinder to myself. Everyone says miscarriages are more common than you realise (which they are) but it doesn't detract from the pain you feel yourself at the time. And the thoughts that run through your mind that you daren't speak out loud.
I hope you find your reason as I think it's truly the only way you can work through it.
It will get easier, I promise x

I'm feeling the same as you both - just had my third miscarriage and my anxiety and lack of self confidence are through the roof! I remember with my first one being more sad and I was prescribed antidepressants, but second and third time it's made me doubt myself in all sorts of ways. I'm waiting for a therapy referral as this really helped last time. I'm also trying to do things for me where there's no pressure and no way of letting anyone else down, but can prove to myself I'm not a complete failure. Today was pushing myself in a specific lift at the gym, and I feel so much better for managing to accomplish something. Big hugs to you both - I remember it getting easier with time but it's hard right now!xx

@Rosedom@moosey89 I’m so sorry you’ve both experienced a number of miscarriages and are feeling like I am.

I do think for me it’s to do with feeling like a failure. We keep being asked when we’re having children and I do feel like I’ve failed my partner (he 100% doesn’t agree I’ve failed anyone!)

Being kinder to yourself is hard. I’ve been undertaking CBT and trying to be more positive around my thoughts (cognitive reframing and a technique called “taking your thoughts to court”) but anything that is a minor inconvenience does set me back. I had a panic attack today and started crying literally over nothing. It’s quite embarrassing when it happens (luckily I was WFH today) and prior to the miscarriage this would never normally happen. Although I have anxiety, I’ve managed it well prior to this.

I hope you both have your rainbow babies in the future and get back to feeling somewhat yourself again ♥️

Thank you for responding to my message. It really is good to know I’m not alone in experiencing this.