TTC #1 after miscarriage

[PearlCat]

Hi everyone,

Just reaching out for some comforting words of wisdom during a moment of spiralling worry and panic that I'm never going to get to bring home a longed for baby.

2 months ago I experienced a really traumatic threated ectopic, had a laparoscopy and it turned out to be a missed miscarriage which had implanted near the uterus junction so wasn't viable. It broke my heart, we'd be ttc for around 8 months for this baby.

Back on the whole ttc journey again now month 2 and just feeling so scared and frightened that it's not going to happen. I don't understand how for some people it can happen so quickly and easily. These 2 cycles have been obsessive and difficult so I think next cycle I need to delete my apps and just dtd every other day.

I just wondered if anyone had any advice on how to switch off from all of this... how to 'relax' as they say and trust that it'll happen. It's been the hardest time of my life and I just feel like something is wrong with me, even though the surgeon and doctors are telling me everything is okay.

Thank you xxx

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s the worst experience. I’ve recently had my second missed miscarriage so feeling very much like I’ll never get my longed for baby.
After my first MC, I did no tracking & just DTD every other day & got pregnant 3 months after the MC.
Obviosuly it hasn’t worked out for me this time, but I know a couple of people who conceived a few months after a MMC and have gone onto have their babies now.
As hard as it is to step away from the ovulation tests, I did find it beneficial for my mental health. Although DTD so often did become a chore!
Wishing you lots of luck

@Figtree11 I'm so sorry for your losses- I can imagine and feel the incredible pain you must be in. It is the worst experience losing such a longed for baby. I really wish you so much luck and love for the future - I hope the doctors/epu are supporting you moving forward?

Thank you for your reassurance. It took us a while to concieve the first time so I think I need to expect that again maybe. It's just so hard and becomes so all consuming :(.

Thank you @PearlCat Yes I actually had a GP call today where they are referring me to a tommys recurrent miscarriage clinic due to being in area (usually would have to wait for it to happen a third time!) Just got to hope I don’t have to wait an age.

It really does become all consuming. It occupies my thoughts most moments of the day. Before I had a MC I really underestimated the emotional toll it takes

@Figtree11 oh I'm so glad they did this for you. Sometimes getting a supportive GP can make the world of difference. Fingers crossed 🤞 for you that you get answers soon.

It's just such a long haul isn't it and exhausting. It's on my mind all the time too and grief hits in huge waves even weeks on. Feel like life is on hold.

@PearlCat the EPU have been great with making sure the GP have all the info, and sent them a letter saying they should refer me. Just hope the clinic will actually see me!

It really is - when was it that you started your TTC journey? I stopped contraception in June last year. Thought it wouldn’t happen straight away, but never thought id be in the position I’m in now. It’s horrible knowing so many women experience this hardship

@Figtree11 we also started June last year! A few of those months in fairness were consumed with moving house. Got pregnant in January and had my miscarriage at 7.5 weeks but another week of finding out what was happening. The laparoscopy was quite traumatic for me and the physical recovery after too.

I find this platform helps make me feel less alone, talking to women who have been through similar experiences. It can feel so lonely at times and I've struggled with big social events like weddings etc since.

So glad the epu have been supportive too. Are you continuing ttc or taking a break now and some time?

@PearlCat ahh same month! It took until August for me to get my first period after being on the pill for years. Then my cycles haven’t really got into a regular pattern since. And the MCs have probably made that worse!

100%, I find it quite therapeutic talking to others who have been through the same experience. If it’s to rant, or just express how I’m feeling so I know it’s normals feelings to have.

We’re going to continue TTC, but I had surgery for the MC 2wks ago, so currently waiting until I get a negative test before we start again.
Petrified that if i do get pregnant, that it will just happen for a third time. But have to live in hope

@Figtree11 it is really hard isn't it to maintain the hope with the anxieties ontop. I've been getting counselling and CBT therapy which I'm finding helps a little with feeling less alone.

Its the uncertainty that's so horrible... sitting in the TWW at the moment just trying not to symptom spot and it's like I've forgotten what it felt like to be pregnant and just want it back.

Gosh that's so recent, sending you a big hug! I really hope it all works out for you and that you get that result soon so that you can begin to move forward and properly grieve. I found that time really tricky so I'm sending my love.

@PearlCat how did you go about finding therapy? I had been wondering about this but not quite sure if it’s something I want to do or not.

The uncertainty is horrible. Everyday just drags while waiting to see what happens.

Ahh thank you ☺️ Weirdly I think I’m coping better this time round than the first time. Even though I’m now worrying even more about an uncertain future, and still have days where I’ll have a cry, I guess I am more used to dealing with the emotions I have this time.

You have been very kind, I also wish you so much luck with TTC, I have everything crossed that this TWW ends with some positive news for you