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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

3rd miscarriage a week ago. Feeling lonely [sad]

19 replies

montym · 03/04/2008 20:17

A week after my 3rd miscarrige I am exhausted and having a very down day. I don't make friends easily, and having moved to a new area 6 months ago I am finding this a very lonely time. The question why me? keeps going round in my head, even though I know it is one I will never be able to answer. Not sure what to do to get myself out of this rut. Normally I would go for a long walk but that is just too tiring at the moment. The thought of going back to work on Monday is not too appealing at the moment either.

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DrNortherner · 03/04/2008 20:21

Poor you

I have sufferred 1 miscarriage so that goes some way to understand how you feel, but 3? Poor, poor you.

You need to rest and take care of yourself.

Is your dh/dp around to look after you? What about parents?

Where abouts in the UK are you?

catinthehat · 03/04/2008 20:28

My heart goes out to you MM - please try and indulge yourself this weekend, do exactly what YOU want. Watch your tv programmes, eat & drink what you want, go for a walk/don't go for a walk, have long baths, just look after yourself for a bit. Try not to hold yourself responsible for anything apart from looking after yourself and your feelings until you are ready to face the world.

Original poster

montym · 03/04/2008 20:37

Thanks for your replies. Yes dh is around and doing a reasonable job of looking after me. I know it is not my fault but I still feel like some sort of failure. My confidence has really been knocked back with this. In a way I think it will be good to go back to work to tkae my mind off things, but I am not sure I am strong enough yet. Hopefully I will feel better after the weekend.
DrN, when was your miscarriage? Are you fully recovered now? I am in Dorset btw.

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catinthehat · 03/04/2008 20:56

A week is a short time to get back on your feet, can't you get signed off for an extra few days? I remember being pretty drained for some time - however I really enjoyed going back to work just to have a bit of noise and activity. (Though I warned colleagues that I would probably have the odd cry because I couldn't help it.)People - colleagues, strangers, people in shops - can be very kind and supportive in RL if you tell them why you're feeling a bit rough.

DrNortherner · 03/04/2008 21:04

Monty my m/c was 2 years ago, so yes I am recovered. It took a while though. Ovb I recovered phuysically much quicker, but emotionally much longer. I still had wobbles, partic over due dates and things.

You must not feel a failure, this is so not your fault. Life is shite sometimes, but as you have done before you will recover.

Shame you are in Dorset - miles away from me.

Take care
xx

worrybum · 04/04/2008 00:09

montym, sorry to hear about your loss . I do know what you are going through, i have had 4 miscarriages and I know how tough it is to deal with. Please take more time off work if you need to, do not forget that what you are experiencing is a very personal loss and you need to allow yourself to deal with it in whichever way you see fit. Sending you lots of hugs

NorthernLurker · 04/04/2008 00:13

I really don't think you should go back to work yet. Take a few more days. And (I always end up saying this whatever thread I'm on) make sure you are eating and drinking properly!

NotSoNewAnymore · 04/04/2008 15:09

montym so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I am recovering from my first miscarriage and cannot imagine what you are going through a third time. I can't really add to the good advice that has been given on this thread already but do take the time you need to get over this.

As a very wise mn'er said on another thread: Sometimes falling apart and 'not coping' is actually our bodies way of dealing with it. Don't be scared to have a good cry and feel sad.

Sorry again

MaryBS · 04/04/2008 15:21

Monty - so sorry to hear this . I'm another one who doesn't make friends easily. I really hope you're not going back to work, doesn't sound like you're ready to yet... you are NOT a failure, please don't think that you are!

{hugs}

Original poster

montym · 04/04/2008 19:22

Thank you so much for your replies. Much as I would not wish this on anyone, it is good to know there are others out there in a similar position. I have had a busy day today and I feel much better. I am hoping that I am through the worst of it.

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napa · 04/04/2008 19:36

glad your feeling better.

I had ERPC this week and have swung from feeling fine to barely being able to get off the sofa for tiredness. I have decided that some days are going to be like this. I took DD for a walk today and although I was tired and had to sit down on a garden wall half way around to rest it did feel better just getting out of the house.

What I'm trying to say is to take each day as it comes and it one dy is rubbish come on MN and have a rant and plan a better day tomorrow.

Gumbo · 04/04/2008 19:43

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriages. I had 2 in the 2nd half of last year (in fact, tomorrow would have been the due date of the 1st one). I recovered from the 1st one easier than the 2nd; like you, my confidence was shot after it and I felt like a failure (still do to a large degree).

A week is too soon to go back to work - your doctor will sign you off for longer if you simply tell him/her that you aren't ready to go back to work.

Be kind to yourself.

squilly · 05/04/2008 10:50

I'm so sorry for your loss. The only consolation (and I know it's not much) is that at least now the medical staff will get their a**ses into gear and start looking at reasons why.

I had 3 (+ one undiagnosed/suspected when I was in my early 20's) before I went through to the recurrent miscarriage clinic.

That, fortunately, resulted in my dd and though I've had another MC since, it's never easy....I really feel for you.

All the posters here have given good advice.

Take good care of yourself, rest up and just allow yourself to feel crap if you do...don't think you should be over it by now, or you shouldn't feel jealous or angry or however it is you feel. You have a right to be down/angry/frustrated and therefore can rant on here (or in RL) as much as you like.

Take care of yourself and your man..that's what matters right now.

Original poster

montym · 07/04/2008 12:01

Hi everyone. I am now back at work. I was in two minds, but I thought at least here I'll be able to take my mind off things for a bit. The people at work that know the situation have been really kind.
I am still fragile; I don't think it will take much for me to end up in tears today. It doesn't help that my tummy still aches a bit and the bleeding is still going on. I have blanked out the last two mc's to such an extent that I cannot remember how long all this stuff usually goes on for. Hopefully it will end soon and I can get back to normal.

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squilly · 07/04/2008 16:13

I always found going back to work helped in a weird way, so I'm sure you're doing the right thing for you right now.

I blanked out the 3 mc's I had too, though I was told often, and with great reproach by my doctor, that I should grieve properly.

I didn't find it necessary, preferring to hide my head in the sand. I believed that the best way to deal with things, though I have to say that I did have strange breakdowns every now and again where I lost the plot for a few days for no apparent reason.

DH would then point out it was an anniversary of a loss. We do our best to put these things behind us, but to some degree, they're always there...the main thing is to accept that and don't beat yourself up for feeling rubbish every now and again.

If you lose the plot and think no-one else will understand, MN seems a really sympathetic place to come. And sometimes that's what you need...a shoulder to cry on where you don't have to explain yourself over and over...where people understand your right to be sad and will support you through the tough times.

Take care.

EmmaKn · 11/04/2008 13:58

I dont think there is a formula for these things - people need to deal with their losses in different ways. I had my miscarriages years ago - but I still think about them (the people they would have been by now) at intervals, and as you say Gumbo at due/birthday times - so I hope the 5th wsn't a bad day for you. But however you choose to deal with it, you must absolutely not think of yoursalf as a failure - it is not your fault. Don't beat yourself up about it - the loss itself is enough to deal with. Each time there was something I wish I hadn't done while pg - and I started to say if only ... then the baby might have survived. And I really had to stop myself going down that road. And very good luck to those of you are still trying to have a succesful preganancy

Original poster

montym · 11/04/2008 19:01

Thanks guys. 2 weeks on and the bleeding is still with me (though fairly light now) along with slight tummy ache. I keep hoping it will all go away if I ignore it. I went back to work, which was not such a good plan as I ended up getting sent home in floods of tears. On the plus side, through work I have access to a hotel where they can send you for a bit of R&r. Just got a few forms to fill in and get signed by the GP. I am looking forward to it already!

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Clairedaz · 12/04/2008 22:52

I know how you feel, I have had my 2nd mmc,erpc Tuesday just gone, this one hit me harder than the 1st, due to go back to work Tuesday and am dreading it. Have been lucky no bleeding and cramping has now ceased but it is the emotional aspect.

If your work colleagues are sympathetic and you are able for r&r I would certainly try to get back to work, sometimes sitting at home makes you look at things too deeply. By going to work it won't make you forget but it may not be on your mind constantly.

My thoughts are with you.

Original poster

montym · 18/04/2008 15:56

Scan was due today. These things hit you hard just when you think you are getting over it.
Clairedaz, how was your return to work? I hope they are being good to you.

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