Normal for a miscarriage?

[Snakesontheplane]

Hi

Just looking for some experiences of miscarriage to see if what I experienced was normal.

I miscarried at 11 weeks (baby having stopped growing at 10 weeks). It has been very upsetting as I saw a heartbeat at 9 weeks and so had foolishly thought all would be ok. But also, now I feel somewhat traumatized by the miscarriage and don’t know if I am over-reacting?

I started bleeding lightly on the Saturday but the miscarriage proper happened on the Thursday. It was agony. Four hours of cramps that had me curled up on the floor of the bathroom and crying out in agony. I’ve never experienced pain like it. Painkillers did nothing to help. I bled profusely for five hours - golf ball sized clots falling out of me and flooding night time pads in 10 minutes. To be honest, I was panicking about whether I needed to go to hospital.

All in all it just felt very frightening. But am I over reacting? My boyfriend thinks I am and I should just get over it but I feel so upset by the physical experience and a week later still exhausted.

Yes, sadly normal. Like a mini labour at that stage of pregnancy. I ended up in A&E with them forceping (?) out the retained products with no pain relief whilst having contractions. Its awful. Big love to you x

Thank you so much for replying. And so sorry for what you have been through too. I really hope you are starting to mend now. Xx

Not everyone has such a painful and bleeding.

I was told it would be like a heavy period.

I ended up in A&E with labour pains needed gas and air and morphine and had torrential blood loss.
I was less than 12 weeks each time.

As soon as I passed the “sac” it all stopped immediately like a switch had been flicked.

So you are not over reacting.
It took me about 2-3 weeks to feel normal. I was very “hung over” from the drugs for a while.
It’s awful, I feel for you x

I think everyone is told it is like a heavy period. Yet it’s not like that for anyone.

it’s very painful and very scary OP. I am not surprised at how you’re feeling after it all. I think your partner isn’t really being that supportive. Is there anyone else you can talk to IRL ?

just be kind to yourself OP. It is birth. And your body is changed.

I found a bit of help through social media/poscasts. There is quite a loss community on instagram
The Worst Girl Gang Ever
there are lots of baby loss books, if that may help you as well.
take care. I am sorry for your loss

Thank you all so much - I really appreciate it. That’s exactly what people said it would be like “a heavy period”. And it was nothing like that all!

I am so sorry you have gone through this too - but thank you very much for taking the time to respond. It really helps.

Similar experience too it’s absolute agony. You’ve experienced trauma and you’ll need to take time to physically and emotionally recover, your body has been through a lot - to suggest you should be over it is really insensitive xx

It was 9 years ago now and I have a 7 year old daughter. It feels like a distant memory. I know it feels like it never will but it will fade and normality resumes. Take it easy - at least 2 weeks off work and some iron supplementation.

Similar to my experience, miscarried at 9 weeks and was also collapsed on my bedroom floor in agony, no heavy bleeding so had to be taken to hospital because of concerns about retention of products. It was more painful than labour pain because it was constant rather than contractions that ease off. It was also very traumatic, of course you're still traumatised and recovering it hasn't been long at all. I had 2 weeks off work and took longer before I was completely recovered physically and way longer until emotionally recovered.
Take care of yourself and take time to recover and grieve your loss x

I had to reply OP because your story is almost identical to mine!

I'm so sorry - it really is awful. In all honesty, it took me months to feel like myself again. Another recommendation for The Worst Girl Gang Ever... I found their book really helpful.

Be kind to yourself, and take your time. It's a real grieving process. Wishing you all the best x

At 11 weeks it is nothing like a heavy period, what you experienced is normal.

I had to have a blood transfusion I list so much blood with my first miscarriage, it was horrendous.

If you're feeling weak and tired please go get your iron levels checked, the blood loss can be severe. I had 3 weeks off work with both of mine. Your boyfriend should be supporting you, not telling you to just get over it, it really takes its toll. I'm sorry 💐

Yes sadly it's normal, doesn't mean it's not horrific though! I wish they wouldn't talk about it being like a heavy period, my mc was like a heavy period, my MMC at 12 weeks was like labour x

You poor thing, it is painful, frightening, undignified and traumatising, you need to give yourself kindness and time to recover whatever anyone else says.

I have had two mmcs, one was neatly managed with a d&c though more upsetting as it followed a year of trying and came as a real shock after seeing a heartbeat like you did.

the other one was a failing pregnancy, they kept scanning, waiting for the heartbeat to go so I could have a d&c but I ended up in a&e with a haemorrhage before that could happen, so less of a shock but much more scary.

you have had all of it in one, I’m so sorry for your loss and what you’ve been through 💐

Replying because my situation was a lot like yours OP and one thing I found inexcusable was being told by medical professionals it would be like a period. I was also told I wouldnt recognise my baby or anything resembling a baby when she came out of me. Both completely wrong. And the thing is, it’s not like rocket science, this is actual biological reality of what some women experience, and the only reason I can think to explain their ignorance is that they don’t want to know. Because some women omen would be happy to give them frank and honest details if they asked. Instead, it’s all neatly swept aside as “like a period”. It’s not a period, it’s a pregnancy. And it’s certainly not like a period once we get to that stage of pregnancy and beyond.
Like you, I had q miscarriage in the 11th week of pregnancy, blood clots as wide as the pad, filling up super pads sometimes within five to ten minutes and two trips to emergency because the blood loss was so excessive. Like you, I also found it extremely painful. And I have delivered a full time baby without pain relief and this was still agony. Different, but excruciating, and I agree with the comment who said it is like a mini labor. It IS a labor, because the cervix goes from being closed in pregnancy to having to dilate in order to pass the pregnancy. I know I had to dilate at least a three or four centimetres because that’s how wide my baby inside her sac was. Why aren’t women being given accurate information and support? In my opinion it’s because as usual, woman’s health is an under researched area of scientific knowledge and because women’s experiences are either minimised or simply not valued enough for the system to concern itself with knowing the gory details. We will be able to put humans on Mars because we can tell a woman why her baby has died in utero! I’m so sorry for your loss. And quite frankly, your boyfriend needs to smarten up. What a disrespectful thing for him to say to you after what you’ve gone through. He will never know what it’s like so how can he say “just get over it”. He needs to go and have a long hard look at himself and you deserve to surround yourself with people who give you the support you deserve.

@Lemonvalley

100% agree! It's like you took the words out of my mouth and described my exact experience x

@BussiBop23 at least we know we aren’t alone. X

Thank you so much @Lemonvalley - exactly how I feel. We (and medical professionals) do such a disservice by downplaying it.

thanks again to everyone who has replied. I’m so sorry for everyone who has gone through this but it is so helpful to know I am not alone in my feelings and experiences