Recent loss: a safe space to chat

[purplecolouroffunk]

Hello,

I know there are loads of threads for this on here, but I thought I’d open a new one for people who have recently experienced loss and would like to chat. It would be nice to connect with people going through this just now too.

I’m 35 and have no children yet. We were incredibly lucky enough and very surprised to fall on our first cycle trying.

I found out last week at just over 6 weeks that my pregnancy looked unviable. I went back on Wednesday this week and that was sadly confirmed, and had a D&C that afternoon (2 days ago). So it’s all incredibly recent and raw for me.

I feel fine physically but emotionally I’m a bit of a wreck. Okay one minute, crying a lot the next minute, so hopeless one minute, feeling a bit hopeful the next.

The thought of a future pregnancy is keeping me going, but thinking about starting again and the anxiety that will now come with that is overwhelming.

My partner is incredibly supportive, but it’s still a lonely place when I don’t know anyone else who has been through this.

There’s a safe space here for anyone who would like to share or chat 💜

I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. I'm in the same situation minus the d & c which I have to make my mind up about.
How was it if you don't mind me asking?

I passed my baby today after nearly 3 weeks of its heart stopping. Upon reflection I now wish I’d done the surgical route last week - the medication was ROUGH. Not my first loss but I really did forget just how painful it is. Don’t even know if it’s all passed but I know the sac and placenta have for sure.
I’m pissed off with the hospital too, they too so long to scan me, I couldn’t get hold of anyone for weeks, it’s gone on far too long - and they never provided me progesterone like they said they would after the ectopic. I’m going to raise a complaint. The nurses I saw were all fantastic but accessing that care and advice is impossible.

We’re taking a month or so off while we wait for the miscarriage clinic referral and I’m exhausted and my body is so sore. I’m going to book myself some nice things to do and we can try again after our holiday in June.

I’ve got 3 people giving birth soon, friends& family and I’m dreading it.

sending you love @purplecolouroffunk

So sorry for your loss, i miscarriaged on 3rd of april with my 3rd no living children.
Its incredibly hard and painful but we will soon have our rainbows x

@Gemh4 I’m so sorry to hear you’re in this situation too. It’s horrible isn’t it? I’m sending you love.

Of course - ask away. The D&C was actually a million times better than I ever expected it to be.

Where I am they do them in the day surgery unit. So you’ll be put on a list for either the morning or afternoon, then you’ll need to wait for your time slot. I had an afternoon slot and the surgery ended up being about 4pm.

A couple of hours before the surgery they give you two pills to put under your tongue to soften your cervix. I didn’t feel anything from these, or any pain at all.

I was so nervous about the general anaesthetic but it was absolutely fine. They really don’t put you under for long. I remember going to sleep in the operating theatre and then as soon as I knew, I was waking up in recovery. I think I went to sleep about 4.30pm and when I woke up I asked the time and it was 5.15pm.

I felt a bit heavy and drowsy for about 10 mins after I woke up, but then felt totally fine. I expected to feel really sick and woozy but I didn’t at all. Was in recovery for about 45 mins after that, then straight back to the ward to see my partner.

Once you’ve been able to eat, drink, and pee, they’ll send you home. I was out by around 9pm.

I had some cramping immediately after the surgery while still in the hospital which I’d describe as medium period pain. They offer you paracetamol or codeine. They give you a strong painkiller along with the anaesthetic so other than the cramps I really didn’t feel anything at all.

There was quite heavy bleeding immediately after while I was still in the ward, but they give you big pads to help. By about 9pm when I was ready to leave the bleeding had reduced right down. It’s now been a couple of days and I’d describe it as light-medium period - way less blood than I’d expected.

Everyone was so kind but without having that feeling sorry for you thing. I completely trusted everyone and was so glad they were there to help.

By comparison, when I was a teenager, I had a termination and took the medical route. It was a really long time ago so the medication might be different now, but I think it’s the same process. It’s still the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. Even with painkillers the cramp pain was just so bad that I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I really hope this helps and please feel free to ask any questions you have 💜

@H20202 I am so so sorry that you had to go through that. The waiting around sounds absolutely awful - so drawn out. I can’t even imagine what 3 weeks of waiting felt like for you. Did you have a sense of relief after the surgery?

I’m sorry to hear about the progesterone. It seems to be so hard to get anyone to prescribe that and it’s so frustrating.

Taking a bit of time out sounds like a good idea. I know the frustrated feeling that comes with waiting, but you're doing the right thing. It’ll be kinder to your mind and body.

My best friend is 16 weeks pregnant so I completely understand that about friends. A bunch of my friends are trying right now and I know it’s only a matter of time til they all announce they’re pregnant and I’ll feel sad inside but of course happy for them.

Here if you need to chat, rant, offload 💜

@LER2023 I am so sorry to hear about your losses. How are you feeling? I hope you’re doing as okay as you can be. It’s a scary road. You’re incredible brave to have gotten through what you have already.

Thoughts of a rainbow baby are what keeps me going. Maybe we can help to support each other through it.

Here if you need support, to chat, vent etc. 💜

Considering the circumstances, my first 2 i completely broke and turned into a hermit, i couldnt see anyone because i just hated the world and the people in it, i was even starting to despise my other half.

This 3rd one, its sounds really horrible but i was just like right okay.. thats happened again. Pushed the doctors for a full blood count even though they were very persistant in not doing it, they finally caved and i found out my iron and vitamin D is low and my folic acid is low which states is due to anemia. But they didnt pick up on that just the low vit D.
So im now taking steps to get all my vitamins in daily (although most of the time i forget to take them😅

But yes this time im able to just move on pretty quickly but i had more time to come to terms with it. My first scan with EPAU they said i WILL miscarry and theres nothing they can do, and nothing i can do the same, i went in the monday for the scan and by wednesday night i believed i was passing the baby with severe contractions that actually nearly made me cry as it was very painful, managed to not cry, but the tears that come to my eyes with every contraction, im pretty scared for labour😅
My other half run me a bath to have while contracting. It was just a lot of blood and clots but the thursday morning, i had gotten up to go change everything and i got back in bed and felt this weird plunk like feeling that came out with no contraction, that was the baby. It probably sounds really strange but it helped, i actually took the ball of clot/baby/sac not too sure what it actually was, but u took it with a piece of tissue, said goodbye, and then had to put it down the toilet, luckily i was in my own home, but saying that goodbye did really help with the feelings as i felt like i never got the chance to do that with my others.
But this time i managed to catch it and say my goodbyes.

So all in all im doing really well, no bleeding since, i have to take a test next week as the nurse said 3 weeks and not 2? Which was strange.

I have my date in which i should be contacted by the reccuring miscarrage clinic. Thats the 7th of june but we arent stopping trying. Hes 33 and im 27, so i feel like its getting a little later in my life to be having a baby (my personal preference, i wanted a baby at 25, of course my 3 miscarriages didnt give me that) i got pregnant at 25y and around 6 months in age, but it didnt matter too much to me, i was still happy to be pregnant at 25! I hope you're doing okay OP x

@LER2023 im 37 you’ve got lots of time xxxx

Hi I am 39, we have experienced 3 losses altogether (with a healthy child in between who I love to pieces and am absolutely grateful for every day) a ruptured ectopic a few years back which was a near fatality, an early miscarriage in the autumn of last year and a late missed miscarriage recently. I know I will get better - I have done it twice before, but I am in the particularly raw and miserable stage currently.

@LER2023 I’m so sorry to hear about your experiences. It’s so cruel that your first 3 pregnancies have ended with losses. I’m glad you’re getting help from the miscarriage clinic. I’ve heard of a few people who have had successful pregnancies when they’ve been waiting for their referral.

I’m glad you were able to say goodbye this time, even though that sounds like such an awful experience for you. I remember that physical pain from when I had a termination as a teenager. It’s still the most pain I’ve ever experienced.

It’s crazy how much you need to push sometimes to get tests done on your own body. I was the same with my progesterone. It sounds like you’re in the right track now with the vitamins!

I’m doing a bit better today. Were unexpectedly putting an offer in on a house we really like, so that’s been a good distraction.

About the test taking - I wasn’t sure on this. No one mentioned it to me at the hospital but I’ve read a lot of people not testing negative for 2-3 weeks. I’ll maybe take one next week and see what is happening. I’ll be so sad not to see that lovely big strong line 😔

Welcome @Maka21. I’m so sorry to hear about your losses. Your ruptured ectopic sounds so scary and I’m so glad you made it through that okay.

You’re in the right place as I think we’re all going through similar feelings and emotions just now. It’s so hard to remember that the feelings pass when you’re right in the middle of them.

Feel free to share or talk about anything you’d like here 💜

@Gemh4 how are you today? Have you made any decisions on what you think you’ll do? I hope you’re holding up okay 💜

@H20202 how are you getting on? I hope you’re taking good care after Friday 💜

@purplecolouroffunk I keep getting this really bad stabbing pain in my right side of my lower abdomen which is super unsettling. It's not cramp or anything similar so I'm going to have to ring them today. Had a huge piece of off colour tissue come out yesterday after one similar bout of pain and it didn't smell great. Sorry for gritty info x

I get quite a few stabbing/shooting pains - they come and go. @Gemh4

@purplecolouroffunk I’m ok thanks just hoping all passes in the next few days, just medium bleeding at the mo. Ran some errands etc yesterday so feel much more human.
did a test this morning line is still quite strong. I’ll do another next week and hope to see it reducing as time goes on.

how about you, how’s your recovery from surgery going x

Hi everyone

I'm so sorry to hear about all of your losses. I am just over a week on from finding out about my third miscarriage.

I have a DD who was born in 2021 following ivf. We've been trying for a second since she turned 1, coming up to 2 years now. I've had 5 embryo transfers in that time, first two didn't take. Third I miscarried at around 7 weeks (last February), second I miscarried around 8 weeks in November. This one was earlier and technically classed as a chemical pregnancy although didn't find out until around 6 weeks as the progesterone I was on stopped the bleeding.

I've already had some testing done via the clinic which didn't show anything with the my bloods etc. my genetic testing on the products of conception from November gave a normal result and we know this embryo was chromosomal normal as it was testing before transfer. I'm seeing my GP on Wednesday to ask for a referral to the tommys clinic to see if they can find anything else.

I've been doing ok but today just feel completely shattered. I'm so desperate to give my daughter a sibling, like all her friends have. I've put my body through so much with four rounds of ivf and all the associated drugs, and we've spent about £50k on treatment which we can't really afford to do. I'm just so so tired of having to fight for this. I'm 33 and DH 32 so it's not like these are expected results at our ages, it just doesn't make sense for this to be happening.