No acknowledgement from manager

[ChristinaB1203]

Hi all,
I sadly suffered a miscarriage over 2 weeks ago. I was on holiday for the first week and was signed off by the GP with the reason given on my sick note as 'miscarriage'. I sent this in to my manager and explained and I had suffered a miscarriage and would be off. My manager knew I was pregnant and my closest co-worker as I was so sick.
I received no response regarding my miscarriage, no acknowledgement or anything. I have received emails throughout the week with work for me to pick up on my return.

Am I unreasonable to be upset that she hasn't even acknowledged my miscarriage, hasn't checked in or anything.

I'm due to go back Monday and just feel upset about the whole situation.

Thoughts?

I had 4 mcs in total after IVF cycles ranging between 6-9 weeks. It didn’t occur to me to be upset that my manager didn’t acknowledge these. These are private events and nothing to do relating to work, we aren’t friends, despite being friendly, and I imagine they think that if you want to talk about them you would approach them. A manager broaching these personal issues is on a hiding to nothing if they cause upset by raising them tbh. The most I got was a ‘it’s nice to see you back’.

Maybe, as you haven’t gone back yet, they assume you aren’t reading emails, because you are still off sick?

I’m sorry for your loss

I would say that we are friendly more so than just manager and employee. She has a child the same age as mine and we have been on play dates together.

im so sorry for your loss! if the manager is a personal friend then i would be upset that they have not got in touch on a personal level, although in these situations, sometimes people just dont know what to say.

it doesnt surprise me that from a work perspective you have received nothing! i miscarried some years ago, and i was signed off work..

upon my return to work, i was disapplined for my sickness levels!

So sorry for your loss. I hope they was kind when you returned xx

I disagree with the above poster. You spend most of your time at work and the fact you've met outside of work shows she's a bit closer to you than just a manager.
When I had my MC my line manager (who is male) was great, checked in on me, told me he and his wife and gone through a mc twice. Told me to take as much time off as I needed and when I came back asked if i was ok and I didn't want to talk about it as I was emotional but he obviously understood and just said to let him know if I had to leave to go home.
Your manager is supposed to look after your well being so definitely should have at least acknowledged it.
I hope you're ok x

I would hope in this case that they were waiting to speak to you in person, and didn't want to send an email or call you whilst you're officially off work.

If that's not the case and they ignore it then YANBU

I am so you went through this. Maybe they just don’t know how to respond or just don’t care thats pretty weird though. Take another week off if you can.

I hope they’re waiting til you go back to speak to you about it. You are entitled to a “return to work” meeting after sick leaves and especially in this situation. Saying that, my manager who I get on well with, was totally rubbish when I had a MC.

Sadly I have returned to work and she ignored me for 4 days and eventually when she did my return to work told me she didn't have time to ask me how I was and just went thought the form.

Work emails should be professional. Shes doing nothing wrong by semdimg you work emails to pick up when yoh return to worl.

If she's a friend i would expect a whays app checking in on you how ever some people juat cant deal with this. Perhaps she has also just had a miscarriage/ abortion etc and she's struggling to talk about your situation as she finds it triggering

It's just a decent thing to reply and say I'm sorry for what you're going through. Take care and see you next week. They don't have to keep checking in. To just ignore an employee regardless of why they are off is odd in my opinion.

I've never known a manager to be like that.