Managing work during/after miscarriage

Blossomofhope · 2024-04-08T10:30:09+00:00

Hi all, I Just got the all clear from the hospital 5 weeks after the first scan. It felt like the miscarriage really dragged on. Now the physical side is over I’m still struggling a bit with the mental. How does everyone just move on and do their job? I can’t concentrate at work. I feel quite drained and empty. Meanwhile work are telling me about the things I need to do to be “seen” etc for promo after I missed out this year. I just don’t have the energy.

Mrsttcno1 · 08/04/2024 12:16

Hi OP, first of all I’m so sorry for your loss.

Is there any chance you could take some time off work? I know my employer is more than happy to give time off fully paid after a miscarriage for I think ours is up to 4 weeks so it is worth checking to see if yours does anything like this. It’s not going to make everything suddenly okay again of course but it could just give you that little bit of space to look after yourself & your mental health before you go back into trying to work and focusing on everything else. Give yourself a break if you can x

Original poster

Blossomofhope · 09/04/2024 14:48

Mrsttcno1 · 08/04/2024 12:16

Hi OP, first of all I’m so sorry for your loss.

Is there any chance you could take some time off work? I know my employer is more than happy to give time off fully paid after a miscarriage for I think ours is up to 4 weeks so it is worth checking to see if yours does anything like this. It’s not going to make everything suddenly okay again of course but it could just give you that little bit of space to look after yourself & your mental health before you go back into trying to work and focusing on everything else. Give yourself a break if you can x

Thanks so much for your message. Ya I’ll think about taking some sick leave. There isn’t dedicated time for miscarriage but I’d be reluctant to tell them anyway.

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Rosesanddaisies1 · 09/04/2024 14:58

I'd definitely consider some leave. I got a sick note from GP to take paid sick leave, and GP said they can leave off mention of miscarriage, so your work don't know. I also took some paid compassionate leave as our policy was very vague about circumstances. I told my work what had happened and generally they were very supportive - it also helped alleviate pressure around my work. I am quite a big supporter of women being open about miscarriage, it's so common but weirdly so hidden.

NewYearNewJob2024 · 09/04/2024 15:06

Hi OP,

I'm really sorry for your loss. Nothing prepares you for it and it is such a horrible time.

In my experience, I had 6 weeks off...thought I was ok so returned to work, but mentally I really wasn't. And that surprised me. I wasn't really 'right' for about 6 or 7 months. So my advice is, take off as long as you can and when you do return, don't put too much pressure on yourself.

Take care.

Original poster

Blossomofhope · 10/04/2024 10:32

@Rosesanddaisies1 @NewYearNewJob2024
Thanks so much for your replies. I honestly keep changing my mind. I’ll think I’m totally fine again and then this morning another person announced they’re pregnant and due the same month I would have been. She doesn’t know what’s happened with us. I just came off the call and cried.

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H20202 · 10/04/2024 11:27

I worked with a colleague who kept asking the woman who was pregnant to show us her bump when we were having meetings - she’d fully stand up and lift her top us for us to see - I was in disbelief.
I’d just leave the room or turn the camera off until the meeting actually started and all the nonsense had stopped. I know it’s me being overly sensitive but I also think it’s inappropriate and very naive considering we are a small entirely female organisation and chances are someone would be affected by loss.

For a long time I just did the bare minimum to get through the job, things slowly got easier, but now, I’ve had another loss and feel like I’ll prob be back to the drawing board with it all. Currently off so have to see how it goes.

wishing you the best and I’m so sorry for your loss xxx

Original poster

Blossomofhope · 10/04/2024 11:44

H20202 · 10/04/2024 11:27

I worked with a colleague who kept asking the woman who was pregnant to show us her bump when we were having meetings - she’d fully stand up and lift her top us for us to see - I was in disbelief.
I’d just leave the room or turn the camera off until the meeting actually started and all the nonsense had stopped. I know it’s me being overly sensitive but I also think it’s inappropriate and very naive considering we are a small entirely female organisation and chances are someone would be affected by loss.

For a long time I just did the bare minimum to get through the job, things slowly got easier, but now, I’ve had another loss and feel like I’ll prob be back to the drawing board with it all. Currently off so have to see how it goes.

wishing you the best and I’m so sorry for your loss xxx

Edited

That’s so tough and I’m so sorry you’re going through loss again. It’s all just so hard.
I so hope things improve for you soon. ❤️

The girl who told me today had a loss last year and so kept referencing her fear around loss which I obviously understand but she doesn’t know that. I just find it so hard to be open on calls and her pregnancy announcement really threw me. I’ve taken the rest of the day off. My boss probably thinks I’m always sick, I don’t even care right now.

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H20202 · 10/04/2024 12:19

@Blossomofhope id encourage you to be honest with one of the managers in work or HR if you have one as they have to record pregnancy absences differently and they can’t use it to instigate performance or disciplinary concerns xx

Original poster

Blossomofhope · 11/04/2024 07:07

Thanks for the comments.
Yesterday was a bad day, hopefully today will be better. I’m going to take today off too. I appreciate the support and advice here.

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