Feeling infuriated and inpatient

[Nic2908]

Last year I had a miscarriage at 16 weeks. On Friday I found out at our 12 week scan the baby had no heartbeat, despite previous scans being ok and commencing on aspirin. Monday I had surgical management and I am still very much recovering for that physically and emotionally well I feel nothing which probably isn’t good.

as I am over 35 (37) and I have had 2 consecutive miscarriage’s I have been referred and accepted to the miscarriage clinic. However they had said they will only test after two proper periods and then finish testing after 12 weeks and so it might take a total of 6 months and I am not to get pregnant during that time.

this is where I’m inpatient and quite frankly pissed off with the world. Why does it have to take so long, 6 months is such a long time when all you want is to be pregnant and actually deliver a baby. I’m feb up of collecting paper notes and bloody bereavement boxes with teddies.

in being transparent I do have a 3 year old who is the literal love of my life, I desperately want to give him a sibling.

anyone else in the early referral stages or just wanting to have a rant at life too more than welcome.

I'm so sorry for your losses. And for the maddening amount of time you now have to wait before trying again. This is such a cruel game.

I am also angry at the unfairness. Just had a missed miscarriage (pending confirmation tomorrow at second scan). I'm 43 so have no time to waste if I want to try again. And I am SO conflicted about whether to try again, given all the unknowns and risks and the fact that I don't want to go through a loss again. I know no one else can make that decision except for DH and I.

Before we decided to try for number 2 I thought I could make my peace with having 1, despite the guilt about DS not having a sibling. Now having experienced pregnancy again and having been so excited to tell my son he was going to be a big brother, I am so disappointed. I just hope i can go back to being as content as I was before.

I am so sorry for your losses.

I am in a similar situation. I had the 20 week scan 7th March and there was no heartbeat. Measuring 17 weeks 3 days. I am 43 and this was an IVF pregnancy after years of trying for a baby. I had to be induced and ended up having surgery under general anaesthetic as lost a lot of blood. Husband and I have requested a post mortem but results can take many months.

We have frozen embryo to use but we don't want to go ahead until we know if there was anything specific which went wrong. We are both in shock as everything went well with the 12 week scan and all the screening was OK. I have had my blood results back for infections and everything was normal. I know I need to give myself time to heal but it seems so long. We have also been told we may not get any answer at all and it could just be inconclusive.

I don't feel bereaved as it doesn't feel like we lost a family member but terribly sad at a future will not be and we desperately wanted. I don't know if this is normal. I suppose everyone deals with things differently.

Is this for the blood tests? If it is they have to wait as pregnancy can give a false positive for certain blood clotting conditions so they have to wait several weeks after the pregnancy loss to make sure the result is reliable. I turned out to have that condition and waiting after 3 miscarriages felt like torture, but getting the diagnosis meant I was able to have 2 successful pregnancies after. My first loss was in 2018 and I was 36 so felt the pressure like you.

If I had got pregnant before tests were complete they would have scanned me every 2 weeks, I would have most likely been prescribed aspirin and heparin, (which is what I needed as the blood tests diagnosed APS), and progesterone as it does seem to improve success rates for women like us in general - and is what has been prescribed to people I know who were treated at the same clinic and either didn’t have a cause identified or got pregnant before tests were complete. It’s awful waiting. They missed referring me after 2, but called me in right away when I pointed that out as I was almost 38 by the time I was referred.

Wishing you all the best and hopeful for you x

I'm so, so sorry. It's so unfair. 💐

@Scrumpy10 thats like us at 16 weeks last year, although I can’t even begin to imagine how it felt at 20 weeks and being such a special pregnancy as well. I think it was about 8 weeks for us to get our pm report. Everything was beautiful the only thing was that her cord had 2 vessels instead of 3. And whilst some pregnancies make it to term and have healthy babies others don’t. Whilst it wasn’t definitive I’ve decided to believe that this was the cause for my own sanity. Have you read the worst girl gang ever? It got me through my first last year and I have started it again now. I recommend it to anyone that comes my way at work to ask for advice.

full appreciate why you wouldn’t want to risk your embryo without any answers first. I’m so sorry to you and your husband for what you are going through.

@AllThePotatoesAreSinging what is the condition that you were diagnosed with?
They missed me too when I asked on Monday it’s only because I’ve been desperately researching that I found that actually I should be accepted and so I rang my bereavement midwife and insisted she tried with the referral.

I’ve not idea what it’s for but I guess that makes sense about deranged blood results now you have explained it. I was on aspirin this pregnancy but I guess it didn’t work.

Hi I’m so sorry to read about everyone’s losses.

i am part of the recurrent miscarriage clinic and have had 4 losses. 2 early and 2 after heartbeats seen. I have no words it’s absolutely devastating and in my time with the clinic I have had to have times when I was told not to try to to various tests and medications and I felt like I was losing time not trying for and not having my baby. Unfortunately I have had some complications that caused sepsis due to acute endometrisis and haven’t managed to get pregnant since. Not sure what the future holds but hope we all leave this horrible club and get our rainbows soon x

I’m so sorry for your loss! I had 2 midterm losses last year. Both discovered at my private gender scans. After my first loss I was told it was unlikely to happen again and felt confident to try again. After the second loss I was given an appointment with tommies and was told they are clueless as to why it happened but will support me if I decide to try again. I have older children and so they had no idea what could be causing it as I’d never lost a baby before. They didn’t run any additional tests on me. My first loss baby had a very thin cord near the navel, with my second she was born in her sac but the cord was snapped when she come out so I think it’s cord issues too. The aspirin and progesterone I’ve been offered doesn’t give me much hope.

@Nic2908 I had not heard about the book. Thank you for the recommendation I am looking at it now and see they also have a podcast and a website.

How are you feeling now? One thing which shocked me was the physically side of it all. I think there is so much in the media at the moment about the emotional side and from miscarriage but the physical shock and pain to the body was a lot for me to get my head round.

I hope you start to feel better soon and don't have to wait too long for answers.

I have actually booked an appointment with my GP for next week to discuss other tests. The hospital didn't test my thyroid TSH or diabetes levels. I did have these tests before IVF but I want to rule everything possible out to put my mind at rest. I don't think that would be a cause of this though. It is just so frustrating having to wait so long.

I am so sorry this has happened to you. I don’t have any answers but I am in a similar position as I am 37 with a 3 (almost 4) year old and have been trying for a sibling with no success apart from one mmc (had a normal scan at 10 weeks then miscarriage at 11 weeks). I found out my mmc was due to chromosomal abnormalities, it was from private NIPT around the time of the loss I found this out . It’s really crap that they won’t test, if I hadn’t had the NIPT I would have no clue why it happened . I hope you have some good news soon .

@Scrumpy10 im still struggling physically which has surprised me. After labouring at 16 weeks I was in a soft play the next day with my toddler. But I’m still in pain now, but then I guess my body hasn’t done it naturally so maybe that comes into play. I was also really fatigued for 3 days which I presume was due to the anaesthetic. I have figured out that I’m constipated from the codiene though so that is not going to be helping with the pain at all.

that’s a good idea about the gp, I think that I will do the same in a couple of weeks for a general mot whilst i am waiting for the miscarriage clinic.

I had my miscarriage confirmed yesterday. Am due to have surgery on Tuesday.

@ludocris I’m so sorry. How are you feeling??

@Nic2908 thank you. Since I posted my earlier message I've been bleeding a lot and have passed some clots so currently waiting for a scan to see whether it's complete. I don't think it is though, so I'm assuming I'll be back for the surgery tomorrow.

Feeling sad today. Hope you're doing ok.

@ludocris I am so very sorry.

Thank you @Scrumpy10.

Just thought I'd update you with what happened at the scan, which was something very unexpected.

They did an abdominal scan and could only see a blurry image, then did an internal scan (which I was uncomfortable with due to the ongoing bleeding). They spent a lot of time trying to work out what they were seeing, but said they thought I had passed everything already. Then the doctor looked with a speculum and found the gestational sac, with everything in it, stuck in my cervix. He removed it then and there.

It was quite shocking and traumatic, though in a way probably for the best, since I now don't need surgery.

Not what I had expected but at least I can assume the worst (physically) is over.

@ludocris you poor soul. I suppose at least you can start to recover now but it does sound like an ordeal. I didn't even know that could happen.

I am starting to think it is a real miracle of life to get pregnant, stay pregnant and deliver a healthy baby with all the things which can go wrong.

Me too! And I didn't know this was a thing either. I remember reading one woman's account of her miscarriage, when she said some pregnancy tissue was stuck in her cervix and the doctor removed it, but it didn't occur to me that it could be the entire sac and fetus.

If I hadn't had the scan today and just gone for the surgery tomorrow, they may have put me under GA before discovering that the procedure wasn't actually necessary. Equally if I'd gone for expectant management, it may have stayed there for several days. I'd stopped having intense cramping, because presumably my uterus 'knew' the fetus had 'passed'. The longer it had been there, I guess the more likely it was to cause an infection.

Each woman's story really is entirely unique.

@ludicrous how are you feeling now?

Thank you for asking. I feel physically pretty much fine thanks. Still bleeding a little but it's petering out. Emotionally I'm a bit better too. How are you getting on? X

@ludocris That's good news. My bleeding stopped. I just feel annoyed now and questioning why it happened. Hopefully I will get some answers once the post mortem comes back. I am trying not to torture myself over it. I am back at work this week so feeling like life is back to normal. I actually feel physically really well as had hyperemesis in the pregnancy. I hope you continue to recover and good luck for the future.