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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Happy but sad

4 replies

Nina2 · 28/03/2008 12:04

Two good friends have told me that they're pregnant. I'm really happy for them, but ohh how it hurts .

DH thinks that I'm being mean by even saying this. They know about my recent mmc and I'm sure that they felt nervous about telling me and, obviously I'm delighted for them and wouldn't wish anyone to be in my position, but someone tell me I'm not a complete bitch for feeling so jealous and witchy, pleeeeassse!

I want to start TTC again, but I'll be without a job later in the year and would be unable to get another as, if I got pregnant now, I would be obviously pregnant when starting a new job (education, very complicated contracts), so no maternity pay at all if you see what I mean.

Sorry for the moan, thanks for listening.

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PrePG · 28/03/2008 13:04

Oh, Nina, I'm so sorry for you and I know EXACTLY how you feel. I had told my parents I was pregnant at about 5 weeks, but we weren't going to reveal it to the rest of the family until I was able to visit and do it in person, around 10 weeks. My mother called me just a cuople of weeks before I was due to visit to tell me my younger brother (my only sibling) and his wife were expecting again - their third and unplanned - just three weeks after our due date. I was slightly disappointed as I kind of (very selfishly ) felt that it was MY turn, you know what I mean? But after seeing them, I started to get excited about having babies so close together.

The week we returned from our trip, I started to miscarry. We were devastated but coping. The next week, we got a call from DH's twin brother (again, his only sibling) - they too were expecting within weeks of our due date. Again unplanned and this would be their second.

You hear how women get upset when they hear about others announcing their pregnancy when they've just gone through a miscarriage. But not in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that both of our only siblings would be expecting babies within weeks of when we were supposed to have ours I'm trying so hard to be unselfish and upbeat about it, but if I'm honest with myself I'm extremely sad and jealous and I hate myself for it.

It's bad enough to feel that way at all, but when I broke down in front of my DH last weekend, he at first was telling me that I was being extremely selfish for feeling that way. Not what I wanted to hear from him, although he did eventually come around to comforting me and understanding my point of view.

I'm trying to focus on the excitement of having two little neices and/or nephews to spoil, but yes, it hurts. Very much. And I don't know how I'm going to make it through October.

I hope for you and me both, it gets easier with time //hugs

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catzy · 28/03/2008 19:43

I feel for you both, it's such a horrible feeling. Wanting to be happy for others but the hurt is too strong.

Just to tell you that a few years back I was pg with my first, a few weeks later my SIL (she's also my best friend) fell pg and we were due very close together. At 20 weeks I lost my little boy and my SIL carried on to have a boy. It was an awful time and I was very Jealous and very very worried that I wouldn't take to her baby and feel resentful.

I have now gone on to have 2 wondferful DS's and feel very lucky. My negative feelings did pass. I know this doesn't help you right now but it does get easier with time.

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Nina2 · 29/03/2008 19:51

Thanks for the kind words. Feeling a little less of a old bat today!

At least I have ds, as I know that there are many women on this site who have experienced this trying for their first.

Thanks again .

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scotlass · 30/03/2008 18:47

Hi Nina. I know exactly where you're coming from. I seem to be able to handle pregnanct news just about but have a really wobbly couple of days once their babies are actually born. My baby from my first mc would've been about 5wks old now and seeing my friends twins made my heart really ache. I thought I'd be Ok cos got pg 4mths late and would've been due Aug 2008 but knowing I'll have to go through these feelings again is horrible. Just hoping time is a healer and the pain will begin to feel less. You get really good at fixing a smile and saying all the right things cos it is a joyful time but that doesn't take away your own grief. Important thing is we're aware and can talk amongst those who understand!

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